Hi everyone

I've posted before but for those who haven't seen:
My son started refusing to go to school when he was 8 (which meant running away, temper tantrums, depression etc etc.) He is now 13. The school system didn't know what to do with him. He's a bright child, friendly (popular) articulate, no learning difficulties, no ADHD (although we did try ritalin).

I must admit that after years of not understanding him I now realize that he does have a problem with emotional intelligence and is very immature. But definitely not bipolar as some professional along the line seem to suggest!!

Anyway we've been forced into home schooling because the system just doesn't have a suitable alternative (and if they did he probably wouldn't go!). We're lucky because my husband is self-employed with flexi hours so he can devote some of his time to learning with my son. And that's want it is not teaching, but learning together things they want to learn and in a way that is fun to learn. The mediums are TV (great History channel Programs and Discovery) which they discuss afterwards, internet (there are a lot of self teaching sites) and museums and exhibitions, plays etc.

Although its only been a week I'm amazed at the change. Looking back over the years I feel that I sent my intelligent six year old to first grade school with a glint in his eye and thirst for learning and they managed in two years to squeeze all the motivation he had out of him. We then had a nightmare of seven years battling to get him to go to school!!

Now we are gradually building his trust back. Trust in his parents for understanding and supporting him and trust in the importance of knowledge.

Homeschooling is certainly not possible for everyone and of course not suitable for every child but it's a very good option where school refusal is concerned. Lets face it ,we brought kids in this world and it's our job to guide and educate them.

It's not going to be easy but I think the key is acceptance. I finally can say that I fully accept and understand my son and, although he's not mainstream, he's a wonderful kid!!

Now we are gradually building his trust back. Trust in his parents for understanding and supporting him and trust in the importance of knowledge. [/quote]




We have had the children at home since the end of June and I feel we have our happy loving family back. I feel that I let my children down and this is very hard to deal with. Every day my daughters pleaded with me not to send them into the "hellhole". We ignored them, got angry with them and dragged them into school terrified. We even sent them in when they were sick. I know they thought we didn't love them and stopped communicating with us.

That sentence sums up everything I want to achieve.

Hi Yael (I do remember your story well) and Alison,

So good to hear your positive stories. I just wish I could go down that road - and of course I may end up finding a way. Interesting Alison, you mentioned here or in previous post about small things like getting your daughter's to pay for things was even hard. I know exactly what you mean. I have been trying to get my son to do that kind of thing but it doesn't always work. He refuses to take the dog for a walk as he is too scared he will meet someone (and this is either walking with me or alone). Glad to hear it has finally started to work for your girls.
Do they have friends? Sorry - you may have mentioned this.

And Yael - curious to know what symptoms your son had that made the 'experts' consider that he had bi-polar? As you may have read in my previous post - I am always curious about the labels given to our children, but especially something like bi-polar when in fact many of the anxiety symptoms and reactions overlap.
My son's moods change dramatically very frequently but then so do the levels of his anxiety - so whilst he crosses over into what I have read about early on-set bi-polar - he also ticks all the boxes for anxiety - for which he was originally diagnosed. By the sound of it - many children on here are the same - and when you pull them out of school and home school - many of those cross over symptoms disappear?

Can you keep posting and let us know how things go - as you are both in fairly early stages of the actual work. It will be helpful to others on here.
Take care and may your new roads be ones full of beautiful experiences with your kids.
Linda

Hi Linda - how old is your son? My two don't have friends now. They did pre-Year 7 but bullying put paid to that. They are now too scared to even speak to people their own age. It makes me unhappy to think that they have no friends but I live in hope that one day they will come through this nightmare. They say they don't want friends but I know they get lonely. With regard to paying for things we are still in the early stages and I have to stop myself from pressurising them into it but still try to be encouraging. My next breakthrough would be for them to get on a bus and pay their bus fare.

hi Alison,

My son is nearly 13. He has friends but it is often touch and go as to whether he puts in the effort and they stick around. WIth the anxiety he doesn't like inviting anyone over and finds it difficult to go to someone else's house. He gets along much better with older kids and adults. So it isn't easy, is it. With bullying - my son doesn't seem to be getting that direct but he is hyper sensitive to comments made and that makes him vulnerable and thus more teasing if it is what they feel like on any given day. So the unpredictable nature of not knowing if everyone is going to be nice to him can unnerve him too.

It is really good that you are trying to do those things like getting them to pay for things - but it is so hard, isn't it - when faced with trying to get them to do it but having a time frame in which to do it - ie. the person waiting for the money! GEtting on a bus and paying will be a great step forward.
My son almost didn't go on a school excursion because they had to buy their own train card prior to the trip and then swipe it themselves at the station. But he did it : ) Sounds so simple to other kids - but for some reason it is all the 'what ifs' that come up, isn't it.

You might be able to connect with others - not necessarily peers - and from there they can start to trust others outside of family?
Linda

Hi Linda and Allison

Bi-polar came up not as a definite diagnosis but it was suggested as a possibility since he would one minute be depressed and angry (usually school related) and then over-hyper and happy and silly the next!

As I said, he is emotionally immature for his age - but between that and bipolar......and then when I think of the drugs we put him on!!!

Anyway it's not all perfect. he loves doing the fun stuff but he won't sit down and learn maths or english (I found some great websites but..)

I keep telling myself that we're only at the beginning but I am worried that he is wasting a lot of time doing nothing. It's difficult cos I work full time and although my husband works from home he can't be with him the whole time and my son won't do anything on his own.

Having said that - our relationship is a lot better and he does seem much happier - I suppose that's the main thing.

It's great to know that there are parents out there that understand us.

Yael

Hi Yael,

My son is mature for his age but used to hit these really worrying highs that I had to try and bring him down from.I noted over time that it seemed to be a mechanism for shutting out anxiety (something he was worried about next day etc). He doesn't go into these highs much anymore - and I am assuming this is more that he has accepted his anxiety but he has instead hit some very angry episodes where he totally looses the plot.
So I hope for yours and my sake that it isn't early on-set bi polar. But whatever our kids have - labels won't get us very far. We just have to do what works.
You are doing all you can and hopefully over time your son will do more work. I also try so hard to get my son to do school work and finish projects etc but he just outright refuses. STudy before a test is a nightmare. Why? I just can't fathom this aspect of some of our SR kids.
Let us know how things go. Hang in there - at least your son is less stressed and by the sound of it doing some work even if not math and English. Perhaps a tutor might be needed for them later?
Linda

Thanks for the encouragement. I agree, labels only help the professionals.

I saw a great quote on a homeschooling facebook page:

"Don't let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one!"

We've just got enjoy their positives and not frett about the studying (easier to say harder to do!)

Yael