I am writing this with my 6 year old daughter behind me watching horrible histories. Today should have been her first day back at school- going into year 2- but after an immense battle this morning, we gave up- and I realised she is not going to go, ever again. We had a terrible 6 months before the summer holidays, which culminated in a meeting with the 'phase leader' just before the end of term (and also thankfully included her lovely year 1 teacher) in which I realised I was wrong to think the school is there to help her- the phase leader patronised me, she was agressive, she ignored concerns and refused the acknowledge how my daughter was feeling- instead telling me that she had seen her smiling at school so that must mean she was happy and I shouldn't take it so seriously. Earlier I was reading on this forum a comment one child had made about not making them go to that hellhole, my daughter, who was a keen bright eyed and -still is- a very intelligent,lovely girl, has changed, since the middle of year 1 into a sullen morose angry child who has tried everything she possibly can to convince her parents that she does not want to go to school, that it is a bad place for her. Her brother, who is 9, is quite happy- he has friends and has worked out a way to deal with the system.
I have read about homeschooling, de schooling, I have read John Taylor Gatto, John Holt and more and I know she is right. The last resort is to try a small village school close by- it is still school but friendlier and less rigid. We have looked around today and we have agreed (my daughter and I) that she wil give it a try, if she doesn't like it then it will be homeschooling for us. The reason we are trying the village school is because I am still working- not the best of reasons but I am not quite sure how we would manage without my income- and also because it comes highly recommended by a few parents who I trust. She starts tomorrow, it has been an eventful day wth many phonecalls and emails.

ps I also meant to say I am very pleased I found this forum- it's great reading others stories and knowing i am not alone and my daughter is not the only one - it is not an easy thing to talk to people about, most people think school is a great and a good thing and kids should just deal with it- I had a comment from some advice line I rang that if I gave in it would be like she was getting her way, which he obviously deemed to be a bad thing, although he was otherwise very pleasant and helpful

I had the comment that my son smiled in school so he was Fine and happy. Even after 18 months of dragging him to school crying,hitting,kicking me they said he was fine.. In school one day a few months ago he was crying and clinging onto a radiator for dear life and the Senco walked past and said to him 'I think you are playing games with Mum' . How a child could keep playing games for a total of two years is beyond me.

They even told me on the last day of the summer term that he was fine even though he had refused to go that day. My son has school refused since they started back in September, they think it is school phobia.

Good luck with the new school.

Hi Aukje,

So glad you found this site. Everyone on here is just so supportive. When I found it I felt like I had been rescued from spiralling downhill. My son started refusing during Prep and I have struggled ever since and he is now in Year 7. As he is the only child I didn't want to go down the home school road as he needs that interaction so much more.
Only you know what your daughter is going through. I was also told my son seemed fine at school but when I picked him up after school he would let loose! He has told me in more recent times that he was sometimes ok but mostly bottled the anxiety inside and then of course I copped it when he saw me because I was the only person he could let it out to.
We have seen psychologists and psychiatrists. Each tries to change his thought patterns (Cognitive behaviour therapy) but you need to be able to take this on board and children tend not to see the value in it. But it is something you might want to look into.

Do you mean a local school (ie village) or the specific educational 'The Village school? We have a Village school near us (are you in the UK - I am in Australia) and I had thought of sending my son there as they just see education so differently and embrace the child but unfortunately by then he did not want to change schools even though he hated where he was going. I do hope it works for you but don't despair if it doesn't. Home schooling might be the way to go. It is hard seeing she is so young as it means a long road ahead but it might even give her the confidence to go back to school at some stage. Does she have friends at school? Keeping up friendships is really important.
Feel free to come on here and vent your frustration or emotions - there are many of us on here to give sympathy and support. Let us know though, how she goes at the village school.
All the best,
Linda

Hi Aukje,
I just want to say welcome to the forum and I wish you luck with the new school as well. Welcome to Cathy also. I wish I had more words of encouragement for you. My best advice would be to stay calm, speak positively and keep a diary of interactions with the school and outside help such as doctors, psychologists etc. Unfortunately I have had two public schools let my 11 year old daughter down badly and I am faced with the difficult task (for me)of home-schooling. Like Linda I am in Australia and I have had a hard time getting appropriate help, but will continue to seek it.