Hi All

I do try and keep up with the forum but obviously not as much as i used to as my son has now left school - education.

I have posted this before but would like to just offer a few words of wisdom to all especially the new parents:

Keep a diary of everything regarding school no matter how small
Contact the GP and CAMHS - the GP or school can refer you
Contact Parent Partnership
Ask for a CAF meeting to get everyone together who is associated with your childs SR
Talk to the EWO

Above all listen to your child if they will talk to you about their concerns and let them know you are there for them.
Stay strong positive and firm but remember shouting doesn't achieve anything !! ( tried that one )

You are not a bad parent or a failure, you are not alone, you are just faced with a challenge and so is your child !!

Good luck to you all - my heart goes out to you, but you will get there and you will one day learn to accept that your child just took a different route, some may even one day just go back to school !!

Sarah x

Thanks for reminding us of this, Sarah . I know I need reminding quite often!! So glad you still pop in to check out the site some times as your experience can really help others. You have been a terrific help to me and others on here. Hope all is well at your end.

Just so others know too - as Simon (who wonderfully set up this site and saved us all from those desperate days!) has also moved past the school phase with his daughter, he is not able to check the site as often as he would like at the moment. We have therefore worked out a solution where I oversee the site as I check in more or less on a daily basis - and let Simon know if there are any issues arising. So please feel free to contact either of us at the moment regarding anything on the site. We will be updating the resources very soon - so if you have any urls, books, organisations that you think should be added - please send me an email. Also anything else on the site that needs updating or adding.

I have found the support on here tremendous over the years - the least I can do is now be there for others (when not in desperate need of support myself !!).

Good luck to everyone starting this new week. As you can probably tell by my calm words, my son went today : )
Linda

Hi, I am new to this forum but found this very encouraging to read.
My son of 13 has not attended school 100% since Decmber 2011. It all started with headaches, tummyache, being sick, panic attacks. The reasons he gave were he missed his dad (we separated 3 years ago now) and contact has not been good since then, my ex lives outside the UK and never seems to make any effort to see his children, just gives empty promises!
But I thought that he was getting slighter better in accepting the situation as it was. During the summer holidays he was good and looking forward to getting back to school. When the first day came, he went without any problem but the very next day he couldn't make it, he said he had a bad headache from the stress of going on the first day. But the following two days he attended.
Then over the weekend I was anxious about the Monday morning but he got up and went without a problem. But then the following 3 days he hasn't been but is saying he will go again on the Monday!!
After being on the waiting list at CAMHS we have just heard we have an appointment for next week so I am really pleased about that. Will post again when I have been there.
In the meantime I will continue to be part of this forum and know that I am not alone! Thankyou.

hi Tracy,

So glad you found us on here! Your story is so familiar and sorry to hear how things are for you. It is great that you are being seen by camhs - let us know how that goes.

Your son is the same age as my son. I am also a single parent. I think it is extra tough for us as we don't have the backup. My ex is now involved and supportive in getting him there and if I can't - he will come and talk him into going. Is there any family member or friend who can help you out like this?

If you find camhs not helpful - then you may need to look for a private psychologist. Cognitive Behaviour therapy combined with other therapies in some cases - is of great help - as long as the child is ready to take it on board. It is to try and turn around the negative thoughts. The emphasis all along for us has been to keep making sure my son gets to school as the more he breaks through the barrier - the easier it will be for him. I guess in the back of my mind I still have my doubts....seeing it has gone on for so long - but my son does mostly go but averages about 3-4 days a week and although most mornings are stsressful (for both of us), we keep ploughing on. My son does need that social interaction from school. Does your son have friends at the school? Outside the school? Make sure he stays in touch with them even if not at school. He is probably very overwhelmed by what he is feeling at the moment - so lots of hugs : )

I have found I do have to be very firm and stop the empathy coming on too strong. On the other hand - there are many on this forum who cannot keep going down that path - for whatever reason - often the stress - the age of their son or daughter - and so they choose home schooling or tutoring or other alternatives. There are always ways ahead. Education is not always through a school system. There are alternatives. Getting the anxiety addressed is vital though.

Don't let others blame you - a common problem that arises - especially with us sole parents. They have no idea what we go through.

So don't feel bad if you feel overwhelmed at the moment - but don't drag your son in to school. Too stressful. But do try and see if you can firmly talk him into going. My son has finally accepted he has the anxiety after years of denial (understandable) and when I also accepted where he was - then we both have been able to move forward better. The road is still rocky - but it is a road...it hasn't petered out.

Make sure you have some support yourself. You are doing the best you can. Try to do something that you love outside of the whole situation to keep yourself sane!

So even if the road ahead seems impossible right now - remember that you are with friends here who understand : )
Post and rant and rave any time or just give us an update!
Take care,
Linda