Hi everyone, well my daughter has started off the new term well in that she is going in to her lessons and so far has not had to leave the classrom. I am really proud of her and it is a huge relief. But, she is still anxious and I can see she is making herself go, it is not coming naturally. She goes really pale and quiet on the way to school and on the first day she said "I can't go" but then she did. She is coming home in the afternoons fine but I notice she is very tired.

I want to feel happy but can't completely as I know what a struggle it is for her. I hope that as the time goes on it will get easier, if her confidence increases. I am scared she will revert back if it all becomes too much. The good thing is is that because she is in sixth form, her timetable is not full-time so she is not having to stay all day and one day she has off completely! This may be why she has decided she can manage things more.

I know she is trying hard as she wants to go to Uni and she knows she will have to conquer this to be able to sit in lectures, bless her.

Linda, thank you for your good wishes on Rachael's thread! Soon the holidays for you?

Hugs to all of you,

Ros x

Hi Ros,

Yep - one week to go till holidays for us : )
You must be so proud of your daughter, Ros. But I understand perfectly how you must still feel edgy! We had a wobbly morning this morning. I know what you mean about going pale and quiet - I get that every morning too.
This morning he nearly didn't get there as he was in tears and said each day is just so long and he can't stay all day. His sleep patterns are all over the place - as are his eating habits - so that doesn't help.
I hope it continues for your daughter - now that she has the motivation to go past 6th form - that might be just the incentive that keeps you going.
Take care,
Linda

Hi, I am new to this forum but feel I have to get involved and try to seek some reassurance/advice from other parents experiencing a child who refuses to go to school.
My son last attended school 100% December 2011. Since then we have been on the waiting list with CAMHS, just heard we have an appointment next week!!
On the first day of the new term, my son went to school, I was over the moon, the following day he refused to go, he said he had a very bad headache brought on by the stress of the first day. Anyway, the following two days he went again. Then it was the weekend, I thought Monday would be a problem but he got up and went with no problem. Since then he hasn't attended now for 3 days again. I find this really hard to understand, its such a struggle for me everyday to see what kind of mood he will be in. I am a single parent so this is even more difficult.
Anyone in this situation?

Hi Tracy, was just reading through some posts and saw yours. Your son sounds very similar to my daughter who is now in Year 9, almost 15. We have struggled together with school phobia since year 2 and have had some good years but high school has been difficult. We have recently had some kind of breakthrough after her not attending at all for the first 5 weeks of term 3, she is now going every day. It is still difficult to wake her in the morning and get her out of bed but once dressed and on her way, she is coping well and even told me last week that she actually "likes school". When she was struggling, she would go one day and everything would seem fine, only to wake the next morning and refuse. I can certainly understand your frustration. I am also a single mum who has to get to work each day, and while trying to be understanding and patient, it is so difficult. I can only say, don't give up... there is a lot of support here and there will be a way for your son, whether he is able to get back to school or some other way of educating. I have persevered because my daughter desperately wanted to get back to school and be "normal", even though at times I wanted to throw in the towel and try something else. We are in Australia and were also on the never ending waiting list with our CAMHS, but I got sick of waiting and kept trying different private psychologists until we found one that helped. We do get up to 12 visits a year covered by our health system which helps somewhat. Hope your appointment goes well - let us know how you are going. Sandy

Hi Tracy (hi Sandy!),

I know exactly how you feel. My son is like that and sadly has been for many years. I am always told that you just have to keep getting him to school. I have some backup support from my ex now but that doesn't always work. This morning I contacted him saying things were not going well, hoping he'd come and take him as I was just so tired from the tears and anger last night and then this morning. But he couldn't come (just the thought of him coming tends to get my son out of bed and off). So I ended up doing a deal - pick my son up at the beginning of lunch. I feel so guilty as I know everyone keeps telling me you can't do things like that - but it is always from the psychologists and others who don't go through what we go through each morning. From my point of view - I am really glad my son went and if he can do most of the day - then good on him. Only problem is - tomorrow he will say ' I can't go because they will give me a hard time for being away.' And so the cycle continues.
He is being teased at the moment too - but even when no one teased him at Primary school - he still couldn't face going.

Tracy, I do think it is important to try and keep your son going, as once he has a long time off it gets even harder to get back. That is - to try and keep getting him there whilst he is mostly trying.
Like Sandy mentioned - you do need help and hopefully CAMHS will give you that support and your son the help he needs. The anxiety keeps their thoughts irrational. My son comes up with all the most reasonable sounding excuses under the sun - as in fact they are true - but if we backed off from every little thing that happened to us we'd have to live in a bubble. My son doesn't care if he lives in a bubble of course, and I am sure your son is the same! Cognitive behaviour does help - but they have to be willing to take it on board.
It is tough. As single parents - it is even tougher for us.
So yep - we do understand. Come on here any time - lots of support from others who know exactly how you feel. Sorry no magic answers - but then there are good stories - like Sandy's - where the kids seem to break through and manage again.
Take care,
Linda xx