HI,should I really write on here what I feel? My daughter has been diagnosed with school refusal.the letter came today,and a copy sent to her school.She started yr 7 this month,the norm,new school,break up of friendship.Has been a few times,when shes there she really finds it exciting.but getting her lately has been a nightmare.She awakes,dresses herself,school uniform,does her hair,teeth,etc..then when its time to go.not a chance....feels sick.shakes.looks like she either going to faint..or the opposite and freaks out.
My wife and I both work,unfortuantly due to this and other family illness,the Dr has signed me off till the 1st Oct...so I can stay at home and help my daughter....but now I am finding that she refuses to even try on the Bitesize websites as i wish her not to "veg out"...school will be sending her work home....if it gets done....am I doimg anything wrong..or am I just waffling on about a small problem,,,any ideas?? am reading this forum,,,so I know that both me and my wife are not on our own ,,thanks

Hi Mark

I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong. As we all know on here, it is such a difficult situation.

Who did the diagnosis? Have you seen a paediatrician or CAMHS? Have they suggested any further support?

What are the school doing to help?

If you have a letter stating that your daughter is medically unfit for school, then the LA should provide some sort of home tutoring.

In terms of getting her back to school, is she able to tell you what it is she fears the most. Would it help if she was able to just go and visit the school for half an hour, but not have to see any other children nor go to a lesson? Or maybe she has a favourite lesson and she could just try to go to that one lesson.

Sharon

Hi Mark and Boo,

You are not doing anything wrong. This sounds typical of how School Refusal can start. The positive thing is that you say your daughter finds it 'exciting' when she is actually at school.
Who diagnosed the School Refusal? Have you had referrals - camhs or other? Has the school been supportive?

It is really tough dealing with this. Your daughter probably doesn't know why she is feeling this way. Your support and understanding will be vital as you try to get your head around it. It is an anxiety issue - and non of us know why our kids are going through this - but we do our best to either get them to go to school on most days, return to school or find education outside of school.
Let us know how you go with the school. There are lots of people on here who can give you help and advice or just offer you the support you need. Feel free to rant and rave too.
Hoping you can find support as soon as possible. Cognitive Behaviour therapy can help - as long as your daughter is wanting to take it on and try and change her negative thought patterns.
Take care and stay in touch,
Linda

Hi Linda and Sharon,thanks for the replies.Lucy has been visiting the Drs,and we have spoke to school and Camhs,We have a date set with Camhs for October,and school have been supportive.We received coursework thru the post this morning.She is happy to do this,but it sections of say 20 mins,rewarded with all things but a jaffa cake,but its part of a comfort zone.Like I said,the morning routine is as it should be,and we will carry on with this,hoping that one morning,she will just go /.Today we did homework,and as a treat for PE.we took the bikes out on our local cycle route,which gave both myself and the wife a change of scenary.I will carry on reading this forum,looking for more ideas..and will update..thanks again.

That's good that she's happy to do some work at home. That was something that my son wouldn't do. Also good to get out in the fresh air - my son wouldn't leave the house during school hours. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

Hang on in there, if you read back through the forum you see we have been on the same roller coaster as your selves, our son has left school now and is doing much better, still a bit to go though.

You will get lots of great advice on this forum and find lovely people willing to listen, people who are living this nightmare as well, some advice I can give is listen to your daughter, she doesn't know how to deal with this and will be terrified, she needs you to be there for her, even when you feel like running away, trust her instincts, the worst thing you can do is push her into going to school when she is telling you she can't go, and never, ever force her. You will have good days and bad days, but you will get through them, it's not going to be easy and it is a long road, but one day you will realise that things are getting better, your daughter needs to know that you are on her side and that she can trust you.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi- i can only agree whole heartily with Dorothy and what she says - we have lived through the rollercoaster together for years and are singing from the samr hymn sheet - please don't force your daughter she needs to trust you.

My son started to refuse year 7 - just before the Christmas hols, and apart from 6 months in year 8 and a few odd days after that he never went back. When i tell you this i am not trying to frighten you, but to let you know life goes on and he is a really great lad - again like Dorothy we still have a little way to go but he got his GCSE's he now has a social life and apart from lacking some confidence he's an average 16 year old. Don't get me wrong i would have loved him to go to school but it wasn't to be.

The advise i will give you is: keep a diary, keep communicating with the school and EWO, go to the CAMHS meetings even if your daughter won't as they can help you to help her, and contact Parent Partnership as their help is fantastic.

You sound as though you are doing a fantastic job, it isn't easy and you will have good days and bad days but you will get there i promise.

Please stay in touch we are all here for you.

Sarah xx