Hi everyone...
Just an update - for all our new readers I have a 15 yo daughter who has been refusing school since the age of 7 on and off and especially since beginning high school.
After hardly attending school at all this year, she began attending last term and managed to get to school for almost 5 weeks straight :-)
The school were supportive so far as staggering times and classes, they didn't care how long she was there for as long as she was attending.
There were a few contributing factors in getting her back to school...
We have tried different medications over the years and have had some success with some and none with others but as her anxiety also boils over into depression, she can't cope at all without it. Just before we got her back to school her doctor slightly increased her medication and it really seemed to help.
Of her own accord she decided to change her eating habits. I had tried to get her to do this many times but she refused. Suddenly out went the junk food, diet coke etc and she began to eat healthily.
We also started to see a new psychologist - I think this was number 4 and finally found one that clicked.
My daughter who is horse mad wanted to do a TVET course next year that our schools in Australia run in conjunction with TAFE called Horse Industries I. We found out it was available and had a meeting at the school to discuss. The teacher told her in no uncertain terms that unless she began attending school she would have no hope of doing TVET next year. She told her doctor that afternoon that she was going to school the next day "if it killed her"
And so we began with baby steps...going in at lunch time and gradually bringing the time forward. One of her biggest fears also was being asked where she had been but after a couple of days no one was asking so that fear was conquered. I kept reinforcing that it didn't matter how far behind she was, whether she got zero for tests etc as long as she was there. She has been really blessed that her group of friends are very supportive and she began to meet new people. I have cried many tears of joy over the past weeks but especially after about 3 weeks of attending when I picked her up and she said " you know what mum, I actually like school!"
It hasn't been easy... she still finds it incredibly difficult to wake up in the morning. I spend a minimum of 20 minutes sitting on her bed, talking and trying to make her laugh before finally getting her in a sitting position. There have been some rough mornings and a few backward steps but she is learning that this doesn't mean she has to throw in the towel like she used to. We have just had 2 weeks of school holidays and I was prepared for the usual drama of going back so I had a week off work to make sure I could ease her back in. Sure enough, first day she was a mess....angry, crying and totally refusing to go. I tried for over an hour then gave up and had to take my elderly mum to the doctors. When I returned at lunch time she was frantically pacing the bedroom dressed in her uniform begging me to take her to school! So for the rest of the week we did late starts again, gradually bringing it forward. This morning, she made it to school "ON TIME" I am so proud of her.
Last week, I got a letter from TAFE letting me know that the course she had enrolled for was not going to be run due to government cutbacks I was so upset and didn't know how I was going to tell her. I really thought it would be enough to start the school refusal again. I held off until the weekend and she actually asked me a question about TAFE when we were driving to pony club so I had the chance to tell her. She went very quiet and I thought she was going to lose it but after few moments she said "that's ok - I'll just do the animal care one instead".
I can relate to so many of you, the fears, the anxiety and the pain we all go through is shared so I just hope that my story will encourage you also.

Sandy thanks so much for sharing recent achievements of both your daughter and yourself in supporting her. I hope to cry like you when I hear my daughter say the words 'I actually like school' too one day and I hope for things clicking into place like they have for you both recently. I know that all this is possible, it just seems to be that our kids will do it when they are ready and not before or perhaps when they want something so badly (like your daughter's love for working with animals) that a green light goes on for them. Amazing that your daughter took the news about TAFE so well too.

How wonderful it must feel after facing SR for so long to see your daughter take these big steps forward and engage so strongly in recovery from the hold of anxiety and working towards her goals for the future. Knowing you faced this on and off for 8 years and now there is this much light, gives me a lot of hope.

I am responding to you while popping up and down stairs to my daughter's room to get her awake and ready for school. Like you used to, I sat for a while, chatting away (to myself really) and played with the dog but so far nada, no response - so I'm taking a little break then go back after 10 mins and try again.

It's great to have this place of support to learn about experiences of parents who are in or who have experienced similar situations.

I look forward to reading more inspirational news re your daughter's progress.

Congrats to her and to you on being such a great mum and supporting her through it all

Awesome news Sandy, thanks for giving us hope that things can get better. Your daughter is showing much maturity taking the bad news about Tafe so well. Well done to you for being such a supportive mum

Thanks Clarity and Melanie :-) I am still kind of in shock and it's hard to believe that she is doing so well. I do believe that maturity has been a major factor. Yes I have tried to support her throughout the years but boy have I had some shockers too :-( There have been days I have yelled and screamed and threatened, left her alone because I didn't know what else to do etc etc. But I guess the one thing we have both always done is made sure we recognise when we have stuffed up and apologised to one another. It has been a long hard journey for my older daughter too, and as a single mum...trying to make sure she hasn't missed out on too much because of her sister's struggles has been difficult, so now when I see her picking up her younger sister from school and taking her to the beach for a swim, it is all worth it. I guess all I can say is keep fighting....go to as many doctors, psychologists etc as it takes to find the right one and trust your instincts. A couple of months ago, we were on the waiting list for CAMHS and I just didn't feel right about it. So I ended up pursuing a private therapist through my GP and she was really good. And as I said before, we also tried quite a number of medications before finding the right type and dosage that helped. She has also gone from being so terrified and unable to ride her horse to now riding with confidence and had a wonderful day at pony club on the weekend. The anxiety definitely spilled over into other areas of her life outside school but step by step she is reclaiming her confidence. I was so glad to find this site and other parents going through the same thing and will keep in touch.