Hi

The sinking feeling after my son has been absent from school with a cold and now has to try and go back is making me very nervous. He is feeling depressed, says he doesn't want to go back. Has begged to be picked up half way through the day. I am ok about that but his father isn't. To me it is best to go back in small doses than be totally overwhelmed on that first day.
Where once he found the change of classes ok and started the beginning of the year with motivation, he now finds every subject hard as he is behind. He finds any class where the teacher has little control very hard to handle. He has work due and he hasn't done it. His best friend is overseas. And so the negatives can go on!! So how does one try and think up positives when even I am having to think hard! It does my head in trying to help him work his way upwards and out.

His father just called and my son cheered up. He said that his dad has a way of calming him down by not dwelling on the getting there and not saying 'I'm sorry you feel that way ' etc.
This is very interesting for me and one I have to take note of more. I think what he is saying that it is harder for me to cheer him up because I have too much empathy. I didn't think I had actually said anything much at all - but perhaps because I have become aware of the fact that I don't tend to cheer him up any more - so I go quiet. But I think I also become anxious - as you can see from the beginning of my post.
So how do we remain positive, stand back enough, not get anxious when we are faced with this day in day out!? I try hard not to let my stress show but I do get agitated when he hasn't completed the work that was due before he got sick and I do get tired of hearing 'I don't want to go back to school' - so it is harder for me as sole carer to keep being objective. And I think that is the key - we can't be objective. But anyone who can....perhaps any family member....is going to be of help. I guess I keep trying to find the right balance...we all need to be trained psychologists to get through this! Either that or we will be well and truly trained by the end : )
Hope everyone else is managing and if you aren't - there is always a light out there somewhere and there is always someone on here to listen.
Take care,
Linda

Hope your son's day goes ok and he manages to cope. A lot of what you say mirrors my experience. It's very interesting that your son finds classes difficult where the teacher has less control. Way back in the beginning of this with my daughter she really hated lessons like music, design and technology, because she said they were too noisy. Thinking about it, these type of classes are different to, say, numeracy or literacy where everyone sits at their desk and works. Very interesting.
I also experience similar issues with my husband and my daughter. He works long hours in another town and leaves early and returns about 7.30 pm. He always has a chat with my daughter when he gets in and she looks forward to this, telling him about her day. I, like you, am so closely involved with the whole thing all day every day and I think there is a definite difference in her relationship with her dad on this issue, compared to her relationship with me.
Take care. I really sympathise. My daughter is not getting to school at all at the moment. We are going to do some work in the library later. I had to reserve a particular workstation for her at the end of a row as she feels anxious sitting beside other people.

Thanks for your comments, Barbara. My son did go in today. His dad came and took him and that seems to help.
It is a huge relief.

It is really good that your daughter still is able to go to the library even if she has to choose a particular computer. Getting her out of the house is a good thing. Pity we don't have groups to help our children like Jorgen from Sweden has mentioned in his post. The help we all get is just ad hoc. My son's school never even contacted me whilst he was absent this week. They only contact me when they think the boxes they have to tick for attendance have too many blanks! Then they are accountable for why. I know I sound cynical but I believe if they really took an individual interest in my son and getting him to keep going to school, they'd be in touch - even to ask how we were coping. I have not heard from them since they called a meeting last term. Most schools are too big for teachers to care about individuals.

I hope your day goes well - and your daughter is able to keep going back to the library. It is strange how she doesn't want to use the computer at home - but as i have said - getting her out of the house is actually a good thing.
All the best,
Linda