I had the regular CAF meeting at my house today where present were: myself, EOTAS head, EOTAS tutor, community psychiatric nurse and 2 ladies from school - one is pupil welfare and the other is in charge of the unit where pupils work who cannot go to classrooms for various reasons.
It was a positive meeting I think. I was not as nervous about it as usual and I am certain this is because of the support I have had from this site, knowing I am not alone and that you have all validated my feelings about my daughter's SR.
A great positive was that we could discuss the fact that my daughter has not missed any EOTAS sessions this term - a marked improvement from before the summer. It was great to have her tutor at the meeting (a new development as she hasn't been invited before). It makes sense as she spends so much time one to one with my daughter and knows her pretty well now. She seems to know just when to "back off" in certain lessons when my daughter becomes anxious.
The CPN said again that I should aim to challenge my daughter more, eg. trying to get her to work somewhere other than her bedroom. In the meeting I forgot to stress that my daughter feels "safe" here and not just "comfortable" as they all said - annoyed at myself for forgetting! She is only seeing my daughter about every 3 weeks which I don't think is enough and also said that, if my daughter doesn't feel she can see her when she visits, then she is quite happy just to talk to me.
At the beginning of the meeting the pupil welfare lady said she would really like my daughter to aim to visit the school for, say, 10 mins after school hours. I said I would keep trying.

The other lady hardly spoke and I didn't get a "good vibe" from her. I haven't met her much but when I do she never has much to say and doesn't seem very friendly. She did say that it wasn't the most efficient use of her time to be coming to my house. We originally started having the CAF meetings at my house because my daughter was extremely clingy towards me in the beginning of all this and I couldn't leave her, and she didn't want to attend the meetings (understandable). So I might see if we can hold the meetings at the school if that would be a more efficient use of her time.
Also, when discussing the computerised learning package from the school that my daughter can access, this lady stressed that I would have to let the school know when my daughter had done any work in order that it could be marked. On this system, work is set for my daughter, she can do it on the computer and submit it. This lady said that the work wouldn't be marked unless the school knew it had been done and said nobody had the time to look through the computer to see if my daughter had done any work as she wasn't "in the loop".....

A new idea from the EOTAS lady was that my daughter participate in a group with 2 other kids with the same problem, in order to take part in an art/funding exercise. This would be in the library. We all agreed that, on paper, this could be very good for her, building confidence, meeting others, etc. I did flag up that, not wanting to be negative, but she may well not be keen as she finds it very difficult to communicate with other people, even close relatives.
On hearing this new idea, the pupil welfare lady said that visiting school was maybe not such an urgent step and this could be done first...........

Sorry this post is so long. Has anyone had similar meetings. My positive thing from today is that I didn't feel low or upset afterwards. I felt good that I had felt more confident in the meeting than I usually do. I also feel annoyed at the school ladies and their attitude would have really upset me before and I would have been feeling quite hopeless. So onwards and upwards.

Hi Barbara,

Thanks for sharing your CAF meeting experience and it is always interesting to hear what others have to say. And good on you for feeling better and more confident this time. It is awful the feeling that you can get when you feel insecure and down trodden and 'blamed'. You are also the one who knows your daughter the most.
It is interesting that 'comfort' versus' safe' viewpoint. Perhaps we are seeing comfort as a different thing but I agree with you that there is a certain 'safety' by doing what they do which in fact is avoidance behaviour that keeps them away from facing it is what they fear. So by staying home they avoid the fear. So in many ways it is not that we have made home more of a comfort than school but that it would always be that way (unless there was violence in the home).

I can understand your feeling of 'on paper' things can sound good. I also feel that way in meetings but have learnt not to express myself on those fronts because in fact I have found half the things they suggest don't get to happen anyway - either from the school not implementing them or my son not able to follow up. What they have suggested sounds good, however. I have not ever had anyone suggest my son might up with others who are going through the same thing. At primary school I was told he was the only one (not possible due to the statistics) and now at high school there are others - but as they are not the same age as him they have not suggested it. But my son would probably refuse to meet with them anyway and just get angry.

Glad you feel a bit better after this meeting, Barbara. You are doing all you can and you are good mum. Your daughter has already stuck at one thing by attending all EOTAS sessions and this is a great positive for her. Small steps but one's that will help her move forward. Take some time out for yourself if you can : )
Take care,
Linda
PS Sorry your first post disappeared.