Hi Kathy,

So pleased to hear the visit to the psychiatrist went ok. That is certainly a start. Pity about the change in medication but what can you do...you just have to hope the next lot are better. And yes - you are right -your son doesn't like change. It must be hard for you to also know if he is being a sullen teenager as well as having the anxiety and depression. And yes - it just takes over every thinking moment. I am sure your older son is almost right - it just comes up in conversations all the time with family and before you know it - every conversation is based around 'it'.
I sometimes just want to know what it might be like not to have to think about this for even a day - but no such luck. I do try much harder these days, however, to do things for myself. I join with some other artists once a week - and it is a fantastic two hours where I do not think about my son or school. Initially it used to be somewhere where I also spoke about it as they would ask - and then before I knew it - there I was talking about it all again. So I made a promise to myself to just use those two hours to completely blot it out. I became a lot more creative and enthusiastic and I am sure I was a nicer person to be around! Without that I'd be going more insane!

I was thinking of you this evening and your son not going to his nana's. Here I was trying to get my son to go to his cousin's birthday (in his 20s) and after much coaxing and then getting annoyed and then being patient again...I gave up. He totally refused. SO I went and luckily no one went on about it - they just asked where he was and looked a bit puzzled and left it at that. Somehow I think my mum was not surprised - it is not the first time I have turned up alone to a family function lately. Such a shame - as he gets along well with them - so he could have had a nice evening. Instead he stayed home and got upset so that when I got home he started yelling at me. It is just so frustrating!

And my plan (my other post) has nearly backfired after just two days! I'll post on that link about that one.
Oh dear - we just have to keep our chin up and give them the support they need without falling down ourselves.
I saw my doctor today and he said that he thought I was doing extremely well in very trying circumstances. What else can one do. I live more for the moment these days - find joy in small things - and hope one day my son will be able to do the same.
Good luck for the week without the med. Will there be withdrawal effects? Stopping suddenly sounds a bit rash but perhaps they are different kind of tablets. I am hoping to get my son on some tablets of some kind in the near future - anything worth a try now.
Take care and thinking of you and all that you are going through.
Linda xx

Hi Linda

Reading what you wrote about your son not attending a family function sounds all too familiar. Your son sounds like he's in a place we were about a year ago. My son started refusing to go on family day's out, meals, family gatherings, etc. At first we thought he was just being moody but of course now we realise that he actually couldn't make himself go even if he wanted to! I'm no expert, but I wouldn't push your son into doing anything that makes him even more uncomfortable. It's no good worrying what other people might think (we spent a lot of time doing that!) and after all the arguing and coaxing you end up in the same place anyway. The only problem is that the less they go out it seems the less they feel able to go out?!

I know we have chatted about medication before and I wish we had got my son some medication six months ago as the psychiatrist said yesterday that his condition was obviously clinical as he was responding in some small way to the drugs. Apparently, some anxiety and depression are not clinical and so can be treated differently? Our children sound very similar, although I think your son has a better circle of friends. I think my son is very lonely to add to everything else. The worry about people asking your son about his haircut is so familiar, they become paranoid about what people are going to ask them don't they?

S is still in bed and I think it is probably best this week if he sleeps as much as possible to make the day that bit shorter! Hopefully, next week we can get our routine back.

Good luck for the rest of the week and for the haircut! Thinking of you x

Hi Kathy, Linda and Sue

I have just been rereading this thread and catching up with newer posts. Learning about your experiences with your children has me nodding my head with a lot of aha's:-

My d's need of me so much but the guilt/anger of not wanting to be so dependent on me

The fear of social interaction even with family members

Anxiety before meetings/changes etc

Distancing/angry bursts at me or passive aggressive moods

Her extreme difficulty in expressing herself & needing me as an emotional interpreter; This also feeds the perception from educators & professionals that she and I are enmeshed.

This is the highest tightrope walk I have ever had to embark on that's for sure!

Sorry I haven't been updating, kind of in the thick of it all at the moment. The meeting was not good for D, though her dad is trying to understand better and wants to help where he can. She was mute in the meeting and very low after it.

D did not attend school this week apart from the meeting and EWO and SC came to our house on weds. I had a bit of a meltdown and insisted they at least try to understand what she has been through that has led to her SR behaviour. I am currently typing up a timeline of events leading up to me taking her out of her previous school where she was so badly bullied. They seemed to 'get it' a little bit more and have eased up on the pressure.

Next week we have an appointment with clinical psyche and head consultant adolescent psyche at CAMHS. I am going to ask they consider medication for my d and produce as much evidence as I can regarding her state of mind re her anxiety/suicidal thoughts etc.

I've got to fly and get the timeline polished before I print it out and take it into school.

I hope this week has had some windows of light for you all and your children. In time to come lets hope there is much better awareness and understanding of SR so other children and parents don't have to battle as hard as we do.

Weekend is here, ahhhhhh, Clarity.