Hi everyone,

I decided to go back and see the psychiatrist that we saw last year. I explained that despite mostly going to school, my son still had very low self esteem and social anxiety that meant he couldn't often get out of the house and was falling behind in most subjects. And that he hates school and is getting teased.

She asked what the school had been doing for support. When I explained their attitude (that my son is playing up about attending) she immediately said that it is often not the school but the support program that is the wrong one. She said that the school had obviously not done anything to support him - they had not created a flexible program for him - they had not accepted that two hours was terrific for him, rather than - not attending every day was bad. She said if my son could agree to a change then I might need to look at a school that has a good support system where they will attend to my son's individual issues/needs. She suggested I visit a local community school that takes in students who are unable to cope with mainstream schooling. Often they have behavioural issues.

I am just not sure what I feel about everything! Whilst I think this local community school is terrific for kids who have behavioural issues - I just don't know if my son would be ok with that and am I also cutting off his opportunity later on as most of these kids seem to be headed towards becoming apprentices. The school offers an alternative year 11 and 12. It is a small school with only about 90 students. I guess I just have to go and visit and see what I think!

I found another school a fair way away that actually mentions on their website that they take in students such as school refusers who cannot cope with mainstream schools.
I feel really let down by my son's school. I know it is big - 1600 - but why does that mean that all the kids have to be treated the same and no individual flexible program be put in place for those with issues? I tried to get them to adapt their curriculum for him and not have to give talks in front of the class etc - but after a couple of teachers offered alternatives - it all just fell by the wayside and he has now had to stand up in front of the class about 3 times in different subjects. And comments in the report said things like ' he should not have read from his notes!!" I just ended up throwing the report down in disgust. They just never 'got' my son and where he was coming from. He didn't fit the 'norm' and was judged accordingly.

WE have five weeks left of this year. I think I have some big decisions to make. But if my son refuses to move schools then I am back to square one!
The psychiatrist said that I musn't listen to 'others' who are judging me. She said she knew I was doing all I could and that I had to make sure I sought help myself. She said she felt the best would be to find someone to listen (psychologist or counsellor) and not get them to try and find answers. She told me to tell anyone who tried to find a fix (as some people, especially family do when they think they are helping) that I just want people to listen.

I now have to explain to my ex that the psychiatrist wants to see us all and work on where to go from here (we are still seeing a psychologist who my ex kind of liked as she was more on 'his' side. The psychiatrist said that she felt there was some tension towards her from my ex as she felt that he had not accepted the situation that our son does have a serious anxiety disorder that is not going to be cured by dragging him in to school crying. She told me that I must not force my son to school if he is highly stressed and crying. I have been trying to say that to my ex (and the psychologist) for some time but to no avail. She told me I must follow my instincts and gut feelings and be strong against those who tried to blame or tell me to do something that seems to be against what is right in my mind.

I asked about medication but she said whilst she felt he might need it, she did not feel it would make a great deal of difference to the anxiety as it was too severe. She thought it would help the depression and that might help overall but I think she was trying to get me to see that medication may or may not work and not to get my expectations up. We are going to talk about it again next time.

I have a lot to think on. Thank you for listening! How is everyone going out there?
Linda xx

Hi, I really feel for you, as we are going through some of the same issues in looking for a different option for our son. We feel we have now reached the end of the road with his current school and that no matter what we do, things are unlikely to improve sufficiently for him to access the education he needs.

Regarding your own situation, are you able to visit the schools, both the one which includes children with behavioural problems and the one which is some distance away? You'll get more of a feel for what they are like and if behavioural issues are mega, it will become obvious, but if the school is able to engage the children, it may not be a problem. They'll also be able to tell you what educational options are available for children who don't want to go down the apprentice route. The school which is a distance away sounds promising provided getting there isn't too daunting. Also, if there are problems getting in one morning is that going to mean that it's easier to stay at home because it no longer seems worth the journey. Depends on the child but I think my son might view things in this way.

We're currently looking at some kind of home education, either using an eductional organisation that sends out work, or an online school.