Hi All,

My family just recovered from a new episode of school refusal. It wasn't easy but our son is now back in school He had trouble after a friend committed suicide.

I found this link very helpful in keeping my stress levels down. It helped me understand some of his more defiant behaviors better. http://www.jfponline.com/pages.asp?aid=4322

I hope it helps everyone here.

I have since realized that my son has a terrible fear of failure at school. The thought of being disciplined at school or getting bad grades from his teachers send him into panic and depression. I think the way to help him with school phobia is therapy to get past his fear of not being perfect in the eyes of others.

Thanks Terskac. This article appears in the resource section on the webpage (may have just gone up). It is good - and I found the questions good for my own reminder of the kind of things that effect SR. Something also good to show doctor if they are struggling to know what to do.

I think my son also has fear of failure/being perfect.
There was a post on here a couple of weeks back from two people from Sweden who work with kids who have School Refusal in a small group situation. They also mentioned this as being common amongst SR kids.

It must have been awful for your son to come to terms with his friend's suicide.
How did you 'recover' from the recent episode? Or was this a bit more of 'needing time out' rather than how you saw the school refusal effect him in the past? Just curious to know how he managed to actually get back after such a dramatic event like that.

All the best -
Linda

This episode was probably more difficult to get him back to school than the first episode a couple years ago because the high school has much more pressure to perform and succeed. If a student misses a few days then the work builds up, grades drop and the threat of failure and having no chance of attending a college seems insurmountable. My son is only 14 yet he has to worry about his future so soon. It is ridiculous.

The things that got him back to school were getting back on an SSRI antidepressant, ( he now takes two) therapy, gentle persistence, changing his schedule at school a bit, dropping down to normal grade level classes from the advanced classes and starting back with only one class that he chose and adding a class more each day if possible. I also rewarded him with a CD after the first full day. I took away electronics while he was out too so bing home would not be rewarding. He is slowly earning those back. He got to keep his phone but lost the Xbox. I also think I shaved a few years of my life off with stress, lost time from my business and seeing the other children suffer. They too are showing some signs of stress and anxiety from this.

Don't be afraid to get your child on anti-depressents. They really help quiet the body down so the child doesn't feel some **** sick all the time. This is a real illness. It is not all emotional. It's like having the volume on your sound system stuck on full all the time. The drugs help quiet the body so the mind can calm down.

His doctor also prescribed Neurontin for immediate acute anxiety. He took 300mg on the first full day back, 200 the second day and quit taking it by the third day. It made him a bit tired but helped a bit.

Right now he is failing all his classes. He was earning A's and B's until this started. I have to work on the school now to get a plan to recover his grades to passing. That may be a battle with the school too. If I have to I will hire a lawyer to help.

I found this article to be helpful when I didn't know whether to try to sooth my boy or to stand up to his defiance. Being kind, understanding and reassuring is essential. Bad episodes are lasting only a few minutes rather than a few hours. Adding your own anger into the struggle only prolongs the suffering.
http://thelifeunexpected.com/archives/1375