Hi everyone, I just want to wish you all a very Happy Xmas!

Very interested to see a support group in Surrey, UK - I am in Surrey! - gosh would I have needed them earlier this year! My daughter is better now but when this hectic period is over I might see if I can offer some help/support to them.

So interesting to read the article from the school refuser, it highlights the dreadful fear they face, totally irrational to all the rest of us but very real to them. My daughter had support from the school (in that they didn't pressure her), 9 sessions of CBT with a psychologist and me trying to help her but in the end I honestly think she just decided to do it herself - just like the boy in the article.

So, don't any of you think you are doing anything wrong - there is no right or wrong when dealing with this situation and every child is different and going to react differently. You are all doing your very best and one day this horrible period will be over, your child will grow and mature and will find their place in the world.

Here's hoping that 2013 will be better for all of you.

Ros xx

Thanks Ros for your wishes and encouragement. It's good to hear that your daughter has now started moving forward in her life again, I can imagine the happiness and relief you have felt from that too, it is so very hard to witness our children emotionally and physically freeze and withdraw from life into a lonely world of sadness.

I was so relieved to find the article by the father of a recovered school refuser and the words he shared which were written by his son about his experience. It's good to know it was a similar experience for your daughter too. I also feel it will be similar for my daughter, that she will one day decide she has recovered enough from the pain of the past and is just going to get on with it. She was deeply hurt over a long period of time, not just by bullying at school but by longstanding issues and disappointments she has with her father (she lives with me and her bio sister). I believe she reached a point where something snapped inside of her and she had had enough.

I thank God she did not act on suicidal ideations. The road of recovery is only 10 months along and from my perspective, she has come leaps and bounds to where she was when I removed her back then from her previous school. Of course the systems we live in do not see it that way, to them the cause of her traumas are skipped over and the expectations for her to 'get over it' and be in school are high. The scapegoats of blame for her current behaviours are her and myself which just adds even more pressure and stunts the recovery process - I do what I have always done and be the best buffer I can for her as well as continuing to show and speak out the truth to blind eyes and deaf ears. Of course this is interpreted as an over involved parent or enmeshment. Big sigh!

Like you, once our own nightmare is over, I intend to give back as much as I can to help build awareness and understanding of school refusal, relational aggression and the effects trauma can have on young psyches. You will be a great assest to any support group and provide so much from sharing your own and your daughter's experiences with school refusal.

Merry Christmas to you and your family Ros

Clarity