My son had a total melt down last week after going to school every day for two and a half weeks. He was sick with a low fever and diarrhea one day and that was all it took to strike him down again.

A long struggle all morning was settled when the school police officer promised my son that he could use his office any time he needed somewhere to go to calm himself down. The guidance councilor had promised this before but then refused to allow him to do this.

If your child has a refuge at school that they know they can go to any time they need too then it might be all your child needs to return to school. They may never need this refuge but knowing it is there is enough for them to stay calm. After spending the morning sobbing and wishing he was dead he willingly got in the car and went to school knowing he has a safe place to go and a hall pass to get there.

Thanks for sharing that Terskac. A safe place is so important for our kids to have. My d has an exit card and several places she can go in school. The problem is that while school authorities deem them to be safe, my d hasn't found this to be so. She has dealt with verbal putdowns from a problem boy in front of a group of children while in learning support (a supposed safe place). When she did give a big push to re-attend learning support after the putdown incident, the teacher there showed impatience and high expectations for d to attend lessons (which she couldn't meet) the next day the teacher ignored d who felt vulnerable and scared.

When I bring these situs up with EWO and SC they point out that d is over sensitive, it's a big school and they cannot wrap her in cotton wool or walk on eggshells to ensure she isn't offended. They have apologised for these incidents but that does not help her to build trust or to feel safe. She had plenty of lip service from school management at her previous school where the bullying was not adequately addressed and continued on, so until the new school backs up their words I can't see her taking forward steps.

I will talk about a new and specific safe place with the EWO when school restarts in Jan and see how we can go about building d's trust.

Good to know this has worked for your son, the school sounds supportive and understanding. sadly, I think most schools are less aware than this and unnecessary problems arise from this lack of awareness in educators about school refusal.

We have a meeting with the school authorities in January to discuss a plan for him. We have some cooperation but his guidance councilor has not been so helpful or understanding.

I am sorry about the bully. Luckily our school doesn't tolerate bullying. There have been a few suicides over the years that resulted in action against it. My kids don't complain about it at all. The only bully my son had was a teacher. She is the one that really caused his problems.
We now have an anonymous bullying hotline to report it to school authorities.

I have role played bullying scenarios over the years with my kids and that has helped. One thing I can tell you is the conventional wisdom of ignoring it doesn't work. It is worth a try once or twice but after that the victim needs to respond.

Thankfully other kids leave my vulnerable boy alone. He is generally ignored or liked by other kids. One of his greatest fears upon returning to school was dealing with other kids questions of where he had been. A simple "I haven't been feeling well" was all that was needed. Now his main fear is being humiliated by a teacher and being overwhelmed with make up work.