Rosamund Cole
Jan 31, 2013 - 10:11PM
Quote Reply School refusal leading to prosecution
I have a 15yr old son who has been a nightmare to get to school for the last 8 years. I have had to carry him screaming and kicking when he was small. He has spent years being man handles into school by staff. He has also run away from school. Every morning is a battle.
I have been everywhere i can think for help. You could offer him the world and he still would not go. I have been blamed for being a single parent ,that he does not see his dad, that i go out to work , that i stay at home to work. He has also self harmed in the past , jumped out the car and run in the road to avoid school.
I have now been told i am going to be prosecuted how this will help i do not know. The school have lost all his school so the welfare officer says there is no evidence of past problems.
I do not know where to go or what to do. It is destroying my family. I have 3 older children who have gone through school fine. My son is also severely Dyslexic.
I would be grateful for any advice or to know if anyone has had a similar experience.

Hi Rosamund,

I am so sorry to hear how awful things have been for you. You sound like you are at the end of your tether. So glad you found this site - where there is a wealth of knowledge and support.
Your son sounds similar to my son - but also sounds like he has just not been able to get the help that should have come his way. The school do not sound like they have been at all helpful - nor carried out their duty of care and provision of education.

I presume you are in the UK? There were posts on here last year - I will help do a search for you later - where someone who had been threatened with prosecution gave all the advice you could ever need.
It is also important that you are aware of a case in the UK In 2010 where the judge threw the school refusal case out of court and asked the school to apologise to the parents and child.

If the school has not provided you with the support and help that your son needs - then they are being negligent. And even if they have provided support - if it has not helped - then they still need to provide the support and network for your son to get help.

So there are a few things you can do if you have not already gone down these paths.
• Home tutors: Sue has just mentioned the tutor program (ask the school about this)
• Psychologist: if you cannot get satisfaction from a a school counsellor/psychologist - can you go private? Try and get Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for you son.
• See if the psychologist will treat your son for depression rather than just a school anxiety issue.
• Talk to psychologist/doctor about medication. There are many types out there and they all work differently for different kids. I put off going down this track for a very long time - I am now keen to work on this option (my son is taking Luvox) because I think he has had his brain stuffed around enough as it is with the anxiety,depression and loss of self esteem.
• Document everything you have gone through - appointments you can remember that you attended - help you sought (you may need this in any situation).

No one on this site who has been threatened with prosecution has had it actually finally reach that.

The schools do not know how to handle School Refusal anxiety because they come at it from the completely wrong angle- they treat the child like he is naughty - when in fact he cannot help how he feels. They blame the parent (especially if we are single). My understanding is that there are not necessarily more single parents going through this but that often it is single parents that find this site as they are so isolated and have absolutely no one to talk to who might understand.
Tell the school about this site and that there is research being done around the world as to why our kids have anxiety so severe. Search up what you can on the Internet - print it out and give to the authorities who need to read it.
And stay in touch - someone might read your post who is going through the same thing right now and you can offer each other support. I'll be in touch later when I do a search and find out the details given about prosecution (or anyone else can post if they know this off the top of their heads).
Take care.....take some deep breaths.....do something YOU really enjoy - and give your son a big hug and tell him you are going to get him the help he needs no matter how long it takes. School is not the only road to an education...there are other options (and many have posted on here also about this).
Take care,
Linda xx

hi again Rosumund,

Some more things that might help...
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Have you checked out the Resources section on the website? The article I mentioned about the case thrown out of court is linked there - but here also is the link.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1285219/Boy-school-phobia-wins-apology-education-chiefs-tried-prosecute-parents.html
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ALSO - get in touch with Parent Partnership. Sarah on here found them very helpful and they gave lots of great support and advice. Here is the website - and there will be local groups in your area

http://www.parentpartnership.org.uk
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And Sarah also got in touch with her local MP and he seemed quite helpful. Its all about schools having to provide the support for every child to get an education etc.
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Presume CAMHS are involved?
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This was from Andrea back in Oct 2011 - in Scotland - but may apply to government in UK overall? Worth looking into.
"I have now made a Section 70 complaint to the Scottish Ministers - which anyone can do if they believe their Local Authority is failing to fulfil their statutory duties under the education legislation."

Hi
Thankyou for taking the time to answer and will look into all your suggestions.