school refusers
a resource for parents
Hi friends, It has been quite a while since we have shared our experiences on this site and things have moved on in baby steps since our last post in October. Our daughter now goes into school every morning for registration, and is attempting to go to the first few minutes of the following lesson. This is from a point where she was refusing to go at all in September. She meets with the Year 7 Support tutor 2x a week for a 15 min session where she hands in her home learning and visits new areas of the school or finds out about using the library etc. I wait in the car park for her to complete as much of the lesson as she can.
We have been referred to CAMH's and have tried to get our daughter to attend the group called 'Kool Kids'. It was a two hour session in another town with about 6 of the CAMH's team and about 8 other children and parents with similar issues to DD. She went to the first introduction session with massive support from both of us. She sat in the car outside and screamed and shouted but suddenly the switch flicked and we went in. She stayed with us for this session it lasted 1 1/2 hours and was quite boring but we recognized how the other parents were feeling the same as us and DD recognized the shared experiences of the other children, we could not get her to leave the house for the second session and just about managed to get her to the third session where she felt trapped and very anxious at not being in the same room as me and having to remain in the young peoples group for about 1 1/2 hours. Struggled and had a time out session with me when she managed to get back into the final part of the mornings activities.
Last Friday DD refused to go again and after talking to CAMH's they suggested that it was very distracting for the other children and not beneficial for DD at this time. We are still on the waiting list for family CAMH's sessions where DD stays in the session with us and for a 1:1 session for DD but who knows how long those appointments will take to come through.
Meanwhile school have set up a session after registration for DD to meet with school councilor and take part in Protective Behaviors course as a gentle route into being in school more often and feeling safe and allowing DD and councilor to get to know each other. First session tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
School has been a bit rubbish at sending work home and not sure how much I can push for this, luckily I know my way around plenty of teaching websites and they are very useful and packed with resources once I know the topic headings from school.
My situation has in the meantime become more worrying, as DD takes her tiny steps back into school I on the other hand have been signed off from work by the Dr. I am a part time primary school teacher and my 60 day sick on full pay is just coming to and end I am now going to be on half pay for the next 60 days and then the schools insurance policy will not cover further sick pay. I have no idea what my rights or entitlements might be after that if any one has any advice please let me know. I miss my work terribly and am becoming increasingly more isolated but not sure how to get out and leave the house with a DD who is so anxious and worries about separation from me when I do go out. I know I must go for my own sanity but really find it hard.
Well that's our news for now. It helps to write things down and can be very therapeutic as I feel that I am emptying my head of our worries for a little time. Thanks for reading and supporting us. Might be posting a little more often in the knowledge that it helps me a little and our experiences might help others.
Take care everyone our thoughts are with you all.
Boo & Mark
Hi here are the details that fill in a few gaps about DD.
She is 11 years old and started secondary school in September, within in 3 weeks of starting at the school she choose, and with some of her best mates, that are all boys by the way, she suffered with anxiety, depression, threatened to run away and was very destructive and abusive out of sheer panic about going into school and not feeling safe or happy. She finally refused to go any more. We spent about half term helping her to calm down and then very slowly we reintroduced the getting to school routine. literally 5 mins at a time.
DD showed some separation anxiety issues at the end of year 5 and up until then she had been happy and settled in her primary school.
DD studies well at home and follows a timetable very similar to school just missing the social situations. Her friends and form group have been very supportive and today she went into school on her own without her best buddy as he was a bit late and stayed for her first session with the school councilor. She was actually in school for an hour. This is the most amount of time in one go since October and we are very proud of her.
I'm taking my own advice and off for a coffee and a bit of lunch with my mum today while Mark spends time doing some learning with DD. Then seeing my councilor who our family doctor put me in touch with to give me a breathing space and someone neutral to talk to.
As things go a good day so far
Hope this fills in a few details for others reading our posts.
A new day, and more positive news, DD went into school and stayed for registration then went to 20 mins of her science lesson. While she was sitting there she got more anxious as she realized she was not able to see the writing on the white board. She left the room rather than speak to the teacher and returned to me in the car park. I meanwhile went off and got petrol then returned about 9.15. After seeing my councilor yesterday I have a few targets to achieve to help with the separation anxiety.
I have made an appointment for the opticians for next week but for now I emailed school and asked that she be able to sit nearer to the front of the room but still with a friend.
This afternoon while at home we made a "Ladder to Success" that sets time targets for DD to aim for over the next couple of weeks with small rewards built in and then a larger reward when she achieves her final target of attending a double lesson.
We stuck favorite characters on the chart and motivational phrases. I m going to try and find a motivational phrase to leave in her room then add to the fridge each morning. Just reading through a few made me feel better about things. Powerful stuff this positive thinking!
She is ready to tackle assembly tomorrow
Hi
DD's ladder to success is just an idea from CAMH's that we have adapted and made more relevant to DD.
It consists of a large collage of a ladder made out of wrapping paper, decorated with DD's favorite Pokemon characters and with a few positive affirmations stuck on too. Then 5 targets that DD helped to write and stick in between each rung of the ladder starting with the easiest too achieve. ie. 1. I can complete 30 mins of a lesson. 2. I can complete 45 mins of a lesson. 3. I can go to assembly. etc. Then as DD achieves any of these targets she sticks on a token and collects them up until she reaches 5 tokens that = a small reward. When she reaches the top of the ladder we are negotiating a larger reward. Could take a photograph of it but have no idea how you could see it. Could give you email address if that would help but not sure if I want everyone else seeing my address. Hope you understand and this helps. 
She went to assembly for 10 min's this morning Yeh! then came out to me in the car park, then had the determination to go back in as the bell rang and try to go to the start of Spanish. She is trying so hard! without any support form the so called professionals. Just me and her doing our best, with the support of the school and the rest of the family. Science tomorrow. 
