school refusers
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Monday morning blues, cold & snow, not a good combination to achieve great things. But DD got up, dressed and we got to the school car park then checked the plan for the morning with DD. She was going to registration and then to science to complete as much as the lesson as possible and I was going to leave the car-park and return when she phoned me from student services. Then the panic set in. "I can't do the student services bit, I don't know what to do I can't go in at all if you are not here." by the tone of her voice and her body language I knew she was starting to panic. My mistake now! You can phone me you know what to do. impatient voice, friends approaching to walk in with her, she said "if you don't stay I'm not going in." Very controlling I know but in the heat of the moment I said OK, I will stay. She went in and stayed until 9.10 returned to car having done registration, and 10 mins of Science. She explained that she was confused by whether I was staying or leaving and could not get rid of the thought that I would not be there for her. We returned home to do home lessons. I was cross and frustrated that it hadn't gone to plan and she gave up so quickly letting her worries get the better of her. A bit of a bad start to home learning, me cross, her fed up that I was cross: even though she did do most of what was asked of her just didn't stay very long. But just finished a science session about friction and much more positive about going into end registration this afternoon and trying to walk home. More baby steps. Fingers crossed. I realize from this morning that DD needs to be very clear what is expected of her and what she should do in each situation, but she has to come up with the solutions to the issues in school that are workable. She needs to practice and be familiar with the staff in student services and be able to phone me from there if she is feeling unwell. Also I need to talk about leaving the car park just for registration to start with, then step up the time scale. I could not believe how sad I felt when dealing with this this morning, it felt like the end of the world. I need to have a word with myself too
Bye for Now
Hi
Wow - what a morning for you! But hey - it was a tiny step : )
I can hear your frustration and that feels so familiar. It is just so hard for us to know what decisions to make in these circumstances, don't you think. I know my head goes into whirlwind mode too and I get cross. It is as if everything becomes so crystal clear to me I just can't fathom why it is not crystal clear to my son! I think in those moments we do have to take a step back or see what happens if we stick to our original decision. I have trouble with this too - so you are not alone. I think you have analysed your situation very well. I can see another good thing and that is that your daughter has expressed where her confusion is (and now you feel a bit more confident about having to explain over and over or give more detail) and ....she is motivated to do work at home. That is great.
So it wasn't all bad...but it must have felt like it at the time : (
I think you are right that your daughter needs to familiarise herself with the staff that she needs to go to before she can go to them. My son is the same. I know also that when my son gets a thought in his head - it won't go.
And I have had the 'I wasn't sure if you were coming' phrase...which makes me think 'Well....maybe if I just hadn't turned up...would he have coped?'....hard to know isn't it. I think you did what was best in a difficult situation and its all a huge learning curve for us - so keep trying....you sound very caring and supportive and that is what your daughter needs. Hope next time is just a tiny step forward of if not next time...the time after that. 
Take care
Linda xx
Thanks Linda, it was lovely to hear your comments and support and you were right the small steps did continue. Went to school with me as normal this morning stayed for an hour, 20 mins registration, and the rest with her councilor, where she explained that she finds using student services difficult and her councilor talked about having a card that she just showed to the staff and they would let her phone home without issues. Will find out about this asap. I stayed in the carpark though but she was much better and coped with starting her 'time of the month' today too.
Take care and thanks.
