school refusers


a resource for parents 


Please feel free to join our School Refuser message forum discussions. If you have experience of school refusing, you may find it appropriate to respond to previous posts.  Or you may be feeling isolated and wish to express your feelings.  Whatever, your contribtions are welocme. 

  No registration required - just get posting!
 


School Refusal
Start a New Topic 
Author
Comment
Dyslexia and School Refusal

Hi everyone. Just wondered if anyone has experience with Dyslexia? You will know from my posts that my 15yo daughter has been back at school since middle of last year and has been coping ok, but has recently been struggling again with school attendance following the breakdown of a relationship. Last night we had a mini meltdown where she again began to describe to me the difficulty she faces at school. She doesn't understand the work, can't do it, teacher's don't understand........ same thing she has been saying for years. I have always felt there was something a bit off in the way she processes information, maths has always been impossible for her to comprehend, but have just thought that all this is because of the amount of schooling she has missed. I have on a number of occasions requested she be assessed for a learning difficulty and receive some help from learning support, but have always been brushed off as they felt she was fine. Well after last night's outburst I started googling and found myself looking at dyslexia, and found that it was nothing like I had imagined. There are a number of online tests and I was stunned to find that daughter almost scored 100% for the signs and symtoms of a dyslexic. I don't know whether to feel excited or sick with thinking perhaps we have been treating her for anxiety/depression with meds all these years for what may be a learning disability. She is so depressed at the moment and sick with a cold to top it off, feels so worthless and in her words "Dumb". Anyway I marched into the school this morning, asked for the Principal and told her all of my concerns and finally, she has agreed to have her fully assessed at the beginning of next term. This is one of the links I found which describe daughter to a T

http://www.dyslexia.com/library/teenagers.htm

Re: Dyslexia and School Refusal

Hi Sandy

I hope you are able to finally learn whether your daughter has a learning problem or not.

I read through the symptoms and it could also describe my son in many ways. It has made me wonder whether I should get him tested for any learning difficulties. As he is a bright kid and used to read a lot - then I am not sure he falls into this category. He also never knows if he has work or when it is due - he is very disorganised - he holds his pen awkwardly (but kids don't write at school very much these d ays)/ He fights to not do the homework - but I put that down to a perfectionism that seems to be stopping him from starting many assignments. He does struggle with maths - but I put that down to the amount of school missed. So like you - it is just so hard to know what symptom relates to what diagnosis but getting a test for any learning difficulties would at least rule that out or in.
Let us know how you go - and what learning difficulties you are able to get tested.
Hope your daughter is taking small steps in other ways - I recall how much of a set back she had with the relationship breakdown.
Linda
PS Once upon a time, dyslexia was just a diagnosis of reading and writing difficulties with a tendency to mirror image and have spelling difficulties (when I was teaching some time back). This also extended to issues with left and right handedness. Due to difficulties - the child then often developed behaviours to hide or overcome these problems which would start to disappear once the dyslexia was diagnosed or the child supported one on one. These days it seems to cover so many things that overlap with anxiety, adhd and other issues ..but I presume the reading and writing is still the basis?

Aspergers

Hi

I have replied to various posts on this site before, so you may know I have a 15 year old son who hasn't been into school since July last year. We struggled to get him into school on time for months and months, not realising the depth of his distress, until last summer when he had a complete meltdown and was put on anti depressants by our doctor and referred to CAMHS. He has since had CBT and various appointments with the psychiatrist but hasn't improved greatly.

He didn't feel up to going to his last appointment with the psychiatrist so I went so that I could have a chat with her. It proved to be very worthwhile because whilst I was explaining my son's behaviour and attitude over the previous weeks she asked me if we had ever considered Aspergers? I said that we had discussed it but because my son showed no physical symptoms and was generally very intelligent across the board rather than in specific subjects we had ruled it out. She explained that they had thought my son had a degree of Aspergers but were waiting for his depression to abate before assessing him fully. She suggested some websites and an author (Tony Attwood) for us to do some research. I have been astonished at what I have read. My son's "symptoms" certainly mirror those of someone with Aspergers Syndrome (school refusal being a common thread). His violent outbursts, lack of empathy with others, traits of OCD, anxiety, depression, but particularly being unable to socialise. The only thing I can find that doesn't mirror my son's symptoms is that his handwriting is perfect (much better than mine!) which is unusual for someone with Aspergers, although I have read that obviously each person doesn't display every symptom.

We are now waiting for CAMHS to contact us so that we can go ahead with the assessments. I feel a little more relieved knowing that there could possibly be an explanation for my son's behaviour and more understanding towards him. If he is diagnosed with Aspergers it also means that family and friends may be a little more tolerant?!

We are slightly annoyed that his school didn't pick up on any of this, especially as we were told at every parent's evening how quiet he was in class and that he didn't contribute to class discussions despite being very able. I thought that some teachers nowadays were trained to be able to spot pupils displaying symptoms of Aspergers/Autism although I know that as teenagers they can hide these symptoms well. I had even spoken to someone at the school because my son's form lost their form room last year and so had nowhere to escape to at lunch times which caused my son major distress. Even this didn't ring any bells! If only we had been able to have these assessments a year ago my son might not have been through the nightmare of the last few months.

I just thought I would highlight this in case there are others reading this who might suspect their children are displaying similar symptoms. I have downloaded a book by Tony Attwood from Amazon "The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome" which is proving to be very informative.

Re: Aspergers

Hello Kathy,

I am new to this forum and very thankful for the advice so far, but I'm a little different as I don't think my son falls into the school refusal category. He was recently diagnosed with Autism, which when I asked is it Asperger's Syndrome, the consultant at CAMHS informed me that they have stopped using that term now and children are now diagnosed as having ASD, as the spectrum is so diverse and varied in it's nature.

My son would be quite happy to sit in his darkened room with his computer and never see anyone again, the idea of socialising is extremely distressing for him and being in a school environment is impossible for him at the moment, mainly in my opinion because of the years of neglect of his difficulties by the school itself, had they had some compassion and understanding from the outset, things might have been very different for him, this is a battle I'm still going through.

I hope that going down this path you find some support and help for your son, and people actually sit up and take note of what you are both going through, having a diagnosis gives you validation in a way as a parent to say to all of those that haven't supported you in the past...that you actually do know your child, and your not a parent that just can't be bothered to get them to school.

What I have found in my school meetings, is that you will be alone while head of year, SEN teacher and someone taking minutes will be opposite you, lecturing YOU on how well your child is doing and how well they know him, and you don't, and they really can't see what the problem is....

On my last interview in getting nowhere...I asked the SEN teacher what his obsession was? what was his favourite food? what was his favourite pastime? How long a conversation she had had with him in the past to get to know him as well as she was making out to me? she couldn't actually answer any of my questions, so that says it all really. All I can say is don't let them bully you and I wish you best of luck with everything.

Kind regards,
Amanda.

Re: Aspergers

Hi Kathy and Amanda,

Kathy - wishing you all the best in getting a diagnosis. Sounds like you might have stumbled on something here.

Amanda - I have been reading articles in the newspaper recently about the decision to officially not diagnose the term 'Aspergers' in future (I thought this was coming into play next year - but perhaps it was earlier). There was a feeling among psychologists and researchers into autism and Aspergers that too many children were being diagnosed as having Aspergers when they really were on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. Parents of children with Aspergers are worried, however, that this may mean that their children do not get the support that they should.

I think only time will tell where this leads in terms of diagnosis and also support. Whatever our children have...whether it be anxiety ...autism...Aspergers...or a mystery....what we all seem to be fighting is recognition that all is not well with our children and they need the support that is not forthcoming.

Good luck to you both - and Amanda...you say your son is not a school refuser - but I think whilst he might not be your 'typical' school refuser - from what I understand from what you have said, he is still refusing school, so you are still dealing with that as a side effect.
Take care - and all the best. Let us know how you go with any further follow ups.
Linda

Re: Dyslexia and School Refusal

Hi Sandy, u seem to be in a similar situation to myself only my daughter is 13 nearly 14, for years she has complained that she can never do the work in class, she has never been an A* star student but i always just thought well your either clever or your not and just accepted her grades, i too used to bring it up with the teachers at her primary and secondary school when i think back to her primary years and parents evening where i could look at her work it consistently say 'not enough work' or where is your work' they just said she was lazy when i bought up the fact that she struggled with the work whish she said she couldnt understand, even at her secondary school they didnt seem bothered and is a pure example on the fact that they focus on the kids who will get them A* grades for there league tables and exam result percentages and dont bother with those who struggle. I changed her secondary school in october 2012 after a long battle of her being bullied there and school refusing she said the other children used to laugh at her when she couldnt answer the questions that the teacher made her answer at the front of the class despite me advising them that she hated being made centre of attention, she too calls herself dumb and has done for many years. Her spelling is appalling and her maths aswell although she does read ok and has good writing imo. anyway when she started her new secondary school in october after a few weeks the school refusing started up again and the same problem of not being able to do the work, i rang the school and spoke with the sen dept and said that i thought she may be dyslexic, they carried out there own tests on her in school and said it was highly likely that she was and that she would need to have a special test which would cost me £600, but as there was a few of there students who were also possibly dyslexic they were having them tested at school and that she would be included. She was tested at beginning of february they carried out a series of tests and said that she was not dyslexic however she did suffer from dyscalculia which is number dyslexia, they provided me with a copy of the report which gave me a great insight into her ability levels she also explained to them how she was feeling and what was making her refuse to go to school. She now will hve 25% extra time in her maths exam and they can get funding for 1:1 in her maths class, but as they think she is not dyslexic she will not get no other help which i find ridiculous as the report was saying that her reading and writing comprehension is that of an 8 year old.

Anyway sorry to ramble on please let us no how your daughter gets on with test. i dont think ive helped you much tbh just wanted to share my story with u all xxxx

Re: Dyslexia and School Refusal

Hi

Just picking up on the Asperger info from Kathy. Here is Tony Attwood's website:
http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/

I now realise that there was a lot in our papers recently about Aspergers as he was in Melbourne (I didn't realise he is based in Australia).

Jo - I do hope you can see some improvement with help on the maths side. That was a very interesting story.
I have to admit I had never heard of dyscalculia but when I did a search - was amazed how much information there is (I might have needed this when I was growing up!!). For anyone interested - here is one of the websites.

http://www.dyscalculia.org/

All the best
Linda

Re: Dyslexia and School Refusal

Wow thanks everyone for your responses. Our children are all so different and yet there are so many common threads.
I too, used to jokingly say my daughter had Maths dyslexia, not realising there was an actual term for it until I starting researching the other day.
And her reading is ok, although she doesn't particularly enjoy reading books. Her handwriting is also pretty good but her spelling, grammar etc is not great. From what I have read, diagnosis is often missed because they learn from an early age to compensate and hide their difficulties and many of them don't even realise themselves what they are struggling with. This site was also very helpful http://www.dyslexia-australia.com.au/assessment.htm.
Will let you know how we go with the testing.

Re: Dyslexia and School Refusal

Hi
I have a 15yr old son who is severley Dyslexic and school refusal. I had his assesment done privately and have had problems getting the school to accept it. They say i could have paid someone to make it up. He has struggled with school for 9 yrs and i am now being prosecuted. However no one is interested in my son or his problems. So i wish you all the luck in getting your daughter the help she needs and deserves. Ros

Re: Dyslexia and School Refusal

Hi Ros,



I shake my head in disbelief that the school would suggest you had paid someone...but with all that we go through - I guess it doesn't surprise me.

Was any of the info I sent in February of help? There really is no case to be heard in court - so they seem to do this as a threat to parents. If you present them with the paperwork - especially that article where the judge threw it out of court.

It must be really hard for you to not only have your son school refusing but knowing he has dyslexia (and they should be wanting to assess him themselves before threatening prosecution...otherwise if it is proven he has dyslexia via other means- they will look pretty incompetent - so not sure what their reasoning is?

Is there any way your son will learn via on-line learning or is his dyslexia too bad? Are there local groups who will support you? Your son needs one on one learning and the school, as you know. has failed him in this respect. They should be held accountable. What about approaching your local MP? It seems like it might be time to let someone else take on your battle for you.
Even if the school does not believe the dyslexia (what is their claim for this) then they have to try and figure out why your son does not go to school. As we all know and fight on here - just trying to get them to understand an anxiety disorder is hard. Can your GP back you up and force the school to test your son for themselves?

Let us know how you go and feel free to come on here and let our your frustrations - there is usually someone around to listen - you are not alone.
Linda xx

Linda