My daughter is 8yrs and has been a school refuser since January after 3 months of severe anxiety in the mornings. She also self harms. She has been through a lot- I was diagnosed with ms/dad left as couldn't cope with my diagnosis and then we moved house/school which was the last straw for her.

I have been going to school with her part -time since Jan- til break, then whole mornings, She started off at a table on her own in autistic base and now a table by herself around the corner from class.

We managed 2 whole days last week, but with me staying in the reception area and spending some time in class.

I just realise that I can't sit in school reception forever though. So close, but still so far away.

We have been so lucky with cahms with a wonderful psychiatrist and psychologist.

This week the school has organised a 2nd GIRFEC meeting. Her dad legally gets to attend even though she refuses to see him now.

I know the meeting is for her good but my opinion seems to be bottom of the pile under school/ social workers etc who wouldn't even consider home ed.

I would love to hear with anyone who has a school refuser in primary school or is in Scotland.

Hi Fiona,

I'm not in Scotland - but my son started refusing school when he was about five and a half - not long after starting prep - so I know what you are going through. I also sat in the classroom for the mornings. There were circumstances surrounding his refusal, that like your daughter, probably topped him over the edge. THe death of my father and then my brother's diagnosis of cancer and gone within 6 months. We also moved house a few times. I think my son would have always had anxiety - but I don't think it would have shown up so early - had those things not happened. His father left when he was a baby - so whether that had an effect - I will never know.
So in your case - I agree with you - it is probably circumstances combined.

I am so sorry to hear you have been diagnosed with MS - and that your husband left - you have just so much to handle. Are you getting some counselling yourself? This is such a difficult situation you are in - and are expected to cope with.

THings do get better. I think you are doing exactly the right thing by having the psychologist or psychiatrist already involved and you are doing all you can to ease your daughter into the school environment.
Remember very small steps are the way to go - and you can aim to slowly ease yourself out of the reception area over a period of time - and then even if there is a setback - take it as a hiccup and try easing out again. Once your daughter does experience what she can do without you she will slowly build upon her confidence.

Is the school supportive of yourself as well? I sense you feel a bit helpless in meetings - I wrote recently how dressing up a bit and taking a folder (with any communication and notes) under your arm can have an effect of making you look very efficient even if you feel completely overwhelmed inside.
Pardon my ignorance but what is a GIRFEC meeting?

My son managed some whole days (was averaging about 3-4 day weeks sometimes) at primary school but his problem was once he didn't go in for a day - it turned into days then weeks. So the main thing was to try and keep him going. He is now 13 and on medication and is doing so much better- he is going to school mostly now and has a very different attitude.
Does your daughter have friends at her new school or is this part of the problem? She might start to feel better if she can just connect with one child and even though we had to be in the classroom - probably our presence didn't make it that easy for our children to make that transition to new friends.

My son went through a very bad patch when he was 9 (sounds like your daughter has hit this earlier) and was very depressed for weeks on end. When he was 10 or 11 he seemed to accept that he had anxiety and that helped. I also was able to step back and embrace him for where and what he was - something I had fought for the first year or two.
It is also not as common to start at Primary school - but you will probably find with most people there were little signs but if the family life was all rolling along ok and there were siblings - it may have not been noticed. It becomes more obvious with an only child and single parent. All seem to go through much the same thing - whether aged 8 or 13+. When I first started on this forum I was the only one with a young primary aged child and although there are not many - apart from yourself - there has been the odd one or two. Mostly the problems kick in at high school age or the transition.

The good thing for you - is that it does get better. When she is a bit older you might want to seriously consider medication. I wouldn't wait until high school to do this - unless you see some obvious signs of improvement via other means - I'd try and get her onto medication before the end of primary so that the transition is not so traumatic. Coupled with cognitive behaviour therapy - our psychiatrist said that my son would then be equipped with skills that children normally only gain as young adults.
Would love to hear how you are managing - I drop by as often as I can to listen and offer any help I can.
Take care and let us know how the meeting goes
Linda