school refusers


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My turn for a bad day

Hi

Hope everyone is hanging in there.
My son has been going to school so well that when today turned upside down it came as a bit of a surprise - but...all those old feelings came back to haunt me. Even though it is only one day - I felt myself slipping on that roller coaster again....
He has been tired lately...finding it hard to sleep. Last night he said ' if I don't feel well tomorrow - I'll come home.'
I thought that sounded a bit odd. Anyway - he never got there. He refused to get out of the car then begged me to drive around as it would make him feel better. Well - a couple of hours later when I thought I was going insane but he was refusing to go home and refusing to go to school - I finally just went home. That was quite some time ago - and he is refusing to come into the house. He says the house reminds him of his stress.
It is all so irrational that I just feel it is doing my head in. I went to take him a cup of tea and discovered he wasn't there - but luckily spotted someone on the swing in the park in the distance and knew it must have been him. A walk down there - a chat....but still no difference. He's back in the car now ....but not coming in.
I have been very calm but I feel jittery inside. We are in the middle of winter here - I wonder if its the winter blues making things worse? I keep telling myself its just a hiccup and a wee set back - and I hope it is. I have booked him in to the psychiatrist but couldn't get in till tomorrow. Pity we can't get the help we need when they are right in the middle of their meltdown.
Thinking of you all - and hoping that you are still all on holidays and not stressing. Or at least all distracted by the royalty and babies : )
Take care
Linda xx

Re: My turn for a bad day

Hi Linda,

So sorry to hear you and your son are having a bad day. They never get any easier do they. When we have a bad day I try and look back to those awful dark days and it reminds me how far we have come. Your son has done so well and it is your love and support that has got him there, so he is having a bad day, we all have them in our different walks of life and what we have to do is leave them behind and move on and I am sure he will do this.

Keep smiling

Sue

Re: My turn for a bad day

Thanks Sue.
And he has gone to school today : ) It is all those old emotions that flood in when something like this happens. We always sit on edge, don't we!?
Take care
Linda

Re: My turn for a bad day

Oh Linda - my heart goes out to you - I know exactly how you must have felt. We have been riding the roller coaster too since school went back after the holidays and last week, daughter didn't get to school at all. She said she was done, it was all too hard. One night she got so distraught, she begged me to take her to the hospital to have her admitted to the psych ward. I was finally able to talk her down and get her to sleep. I was convinced this was as bad as it could get and we were both losing our minds, but then the weekend came and she was back to her normal happy self, convinced this week would be ok and she actually has managed to get to school yesterday and today although late. I feel strangely calm atm but have no idea how this is going to play out. She is in year 10 and we just received the subject choices for year 11. Our hope was to get her through to the end of year 11 and then with her TAFE studies, perhaps either move into full time TAFE or get some work with animals which is what she wants to do (at the moment anyway). The subjects she wanted to do would have suited her however, of course they all clash with one another so we are now down 2 subjects with no idea what to choose to replace them as she hates everything else that is on offer but she must have at least 12 units to continue the HSC course. Was hoping she could maybe do TAFE full time instead of year 11 but the animal care course is only offered part time, which would not be enough for her to qualify for youth allowance and as I am only working part time (30 hours week) due to her illness, we would not have enough to live on without the additional government assistance. Looking into distance education to see if she could perhaps do some subjects at home and some face to face at her school.... it's all so exhausting isn't it?
Your son did so well to pick himself up from a bad day and move forward. Only we can understand what a huge thing this is for them. He would have been so scared too. And don't feel bad about the emotions you experienced - you have walked through the fire and we all come out a bit singed don't we. I have wondered whether it would be a good thing for our teenagers to also connect to share their struggles as most of them spend time on social media. What does everyone else think? would it be a good or bad thing?

Re: My turn for a bad day

hi Sandy

Thanks for your words. We had another bad day today and last Friday. A friend of mine whose son is older and was going well (also has SR) is also struggling at the moment. We have started to wonder if the weather has an effect. We know that some with depression find the winter months hard - so there might be something to that.
I must admit I lost the plot a bit today - I was just so desperate for the day to work and we drove around but when we went back to the school - he just totally panicked and the two of us shared words that I won't repeat here!
We went home and calmed down and decided the day wasn't happening and it was ok.
So it is a shaky start to the term
And you sound like you are having lots of trouble too - and you are in winter even if you have it a bit warmer up your way compared to down in Melbourne but perhaps there is a link.
That is such a shame that the subjects she wants are just not available due to the timetable. I recall being at school myself and having to get my parents involved to fight for me to do both music and art at the same time. I ended up missing one class of music a week in order to do the art - so sometimes things can be worked out despite the school saying no. Lucky we do have TAFE here - as it gives our kids an outlet when they are not able to bridge that gap to tertiary via other means.
When I contacted them last year they said that they have quite a few school refusal students in their program. The man who I spoke to down here was very understanding.

It is exhausting as even if our kids go alright for awhile - they still have to learn to manage the anxiety and sometimes they just find it too hard.
I have asked my son if he wants to have contact with my friend's son but he says no at the moment. I think they feel it is a stranger- despite the common situation they are in. There were a couple of boys on the forum awhile back who got in touch via x-box games.
I tried to put another Australian in touch with you via Melanie - her name was Angela. She is also in NSW and has a son with SR and was feeling very isolated and was hoping to talk to someone nearer to home. If you contact me via email I can pass on her email.

Good luck with your daughter - it is tough. Tomorrow is a new day...
Take care
Linda

Re: My turn for a bad day

Thanks Linda, yes I agree that they do struggle to talk to anyone about this stuff. And funny you mention the season as I too was telling my sister the other day that I believe winter sees my daughter struggling more than usual.
She has managed to get into school three days in a row now but phoned me yesterday after having a panic attack in class - something she has never experienced before. I think the anxiety levels are building and she really needs some of the pressure taken off - much like a pressure cooker I guess, but I don't know how to give her that relief as time off only relieves it for the moment. In my searching for alternatives I stumbled across a Government Program called Youth Connections which is designed to help children who are at risk of leaving school early or unable to attend for a variety of reasons. Am waiting for them to call me back but am hoping we might be able to find a way for her to attend school a couple of days a week and do the balance of her subjects via distance education online. She really likes the idea as she copes well for 2-3 days. Not sure if this will be viable as I can't supervise her every day so fingers crossed.
Thanks for the reminder - Melanie did pass the info onto me and I have been so distracted I forgot - will touch base with Angela :-)
Lets hope the warmer weather here brings some brighter days for us all