I have been following posts on this website for over 2 years now since my son stopped going to school at the age of 14. I haven't posted before but got great comfort in knowing others were going through the same thing!
My son has had a statement of special educational needs since he was 8 as he struggled with learning. Despite this he was happy through Primary school but like many on here found the transition to secondary overwhelming. He managed ok in First year but from second year onwards was becoming more withdrawn and unhappy and experienced some bullying
To cut a Very long story short he developed extreme anxiety to the point that he couldn't even walk to the end of our cul-de-sac without having a panic attack, getting to school was causing such distress that he was hiding himself away in cupboards, Having thoughts of life not being worth living, heartbraking for us as parents to watch.
Eventually he was put on medication, wouldn't engage with CAHMS. We think he has traits of ASD as so many kids on here have. The local education board eventually provided 4.5 hour of tuition at home for him although his tutor didn't really understand the issues we were facing. we
struggled through this for a year and then he was given a new tutor...our absolute godsend.
He engaged immediately to the tutors relaxed attitude and as the tutor was happy to do everything at my sons pace with no pressure within a month he was having his tuition with him in the local library and eventually travelling by bus to get there!
This final GCSE year was a year of gradually building confidence and he sat and passed 3 GCSEs which he was allowed to sit in the library.
He has now started at our local college doing a level 3 btec computer course and I am still pinching myself that he going, travelling home independantly, and interacting with others. He feels he has a worth again!
We have gone through hell over the past 2 years and unless you go through this yourself I don't think others have any understanding of how it eats you up. I was in a constant state of feeling guilty, wondering what the next crisis would be and trying to keep sanity for my older daughter who was going through A levels. It puts immense pressure on the whole family.
The first thing that helped was when I tried to accept that we had to accept the situation, let him be the judge of what he felt able to try and just love him for who he is..which I do with all my heart. We have a very close relationship and I tell him how proud I am every day and that this will have made him stronger in the long run. He is now gradually reducing his medication on his terms.
This is a very concise version of our story but I want to give hope to others who feel they will never emerge from that black hole. We probably still have issues to deal with as we go but for for now life feels normal.. my son is attending college happily and is getting that spark back!

Hi Mandy, thank you for sharing your story, and am really pleased your son has overcome his anxiety and is doing well and trying hard with college, i hope it continues, is nice to read that there may be light at the end of this long tunnel.

jo x

Hi Mandy

Thank you so much for sharing this - it is so lovely that you can give us all hope.
your son has done so well - and I particularly liked your key words about you at one point accepting the situation. I know myself that when I did that it made an enormous difference to how we then moved forward.
If only there were more people like that tutor - how wonderful to engage with your son like that.
I'm still waiting for a teacher who can engage - no luck yet!
Perhaps the medication also helped him start to move forward - do you think? So good that he feels he can start to come off this on his own terms.
Again - thank you so much for sharing. Many people on here - as you yourself must have been - are desperately looking for signs of hope -
take care and all the best - well done to you and your son -
Linda

I have been without my computer since 23rd and so have been unable to follow the action here.

This was the first thing I read since I got it back from PC World (they lost it, and then put it to the back of the queue), and it cheered me enormously to read of your son's progress. You both have a lot to be proud of. Thank you for sharing.

We are having a sticky start to the University year, but managed, just, to get underway. New flat, new flatmate, new fellow students; it wasn't going to be easy, so stressful for all!

Hi SImon

Although stressful - your key word was 'managed' even if only 'just'. Well done to your daughter for getting this far. I can feel that the stress doesn't quite leave the parents- we are always going to have to be there for them during such life changes.
Sounds like there are a lot of things to adjust to - that most people her age would also find a challenge. Hopefully she will adapt and find her way. I guess you'll be able to relax further down the track...if we ever relax as parents?
All the best
Linda