For two years we had problems with school attendance, in the end we moved my 14 year old to a private college for his GCSE year. This was his request and decision to take the place. It has been a huge sacrifice for us, but we felt we had no option, it simply wasn't working out for him at his academy. Two weeks into term and all seemed well, we began to breathe again. Now it's week 4 and he's already missed three different days. For no reason - can't get up, can't be bothered, doesn't see the point. I've heard it all for the past two years. My fears are confirmed: not a problem with the school or the teachers or the work. It's just him. This is his pattern. If he doesn't feel like doing something, he simply doesn't do it. He looks for someone to blame all the time - in this case it's his parents for sending him to 'an inferior' school all those years ago (he was fine for years 7 - 8, and it's not a terrible school at all). He is simply playing us. It's difficult to confiscate stuff because he bought all his gadgets himself. He is bright and works hard when he wants to. He just doesn't want to very often. I feel completely hurt and let down. Should I stand back and just let him blow this one chance he has now of turning his school life around? Not sure I can stop it anymore.

The only thing that works for my son is the threat of the police coming to take him to school because he is truant. It took much persuasion to get the school administration to agree to it but it works.

If they hadn't agreed to it I would have hired an off duty policeman to come to my house and do it for me.

The administration just wanted to prosecute my son. This could have landed him in a juvenile prison full of kids
with much more serious problems.

I strongly suggest you get him a therapist, a psychiatrist and cooperation from the school to enforce attendance with a police officer. My son's school has a full time uniformed armed detective anyway.

Treat the depression and anxiety with therapy and medicine. Treat the attendance with legal enforcement. That is what is working for us so far.

Hi Chel

Glad you found this site - its a relief to find others going through the same thing, isn't it.
IT always feels impossible to know how to move forward at the time - but there are ways forward - and there will be for you.

Often the problem goes with the student to a new school - so this is what has happened, as you say.
What is the school doing about it? They probably won't do anything unless you challenge them - and it sounds like you are just a wee bit too frustrated at the moment
Perhaps just step back for a short time and accept where things are at. Then start taking a few steps to change things round. Firstly, if it was me - I'd find some counselling, a psychologist etc to talk with your son. There is something not right - but even your son sounds like he can't quite put his finger on the problem.
Do you suspect anxiety in the past? Did your son have friend at the other school? At his new school? Does he find it hard to make and keep friends perhaps?

Before you come to any conclusions about the school end - what is his sleeping pattern like? Do you think he might be staying up really late using technology? The reason I ask is that apart from school refusal issues - I have heard from a school welfare coordinator that one of the main problems they deal with in schools now is the overuse of technology which has upset the sleep patterns and some kids just can't get to school as they are too tired. Its every parents battle these days - I know I have my own on that front.

If its not sleep pattern issues - it might be anxiety or depression - so he would need help from a professional. Are you in the UK? Can he be assessed by CAMHS? What about your local doctor?
Confiscating technology (unless trying to reverse sleep issues) does not seem to work much anyway with school refusal - as they really just dont want to be there - so they don't care. I wouldn't worry that he bought the equipment, however, if you feel it is necessary for his overall health - then it might be something you negotiate with him - more in the overall usage perhaps rather than confiscation.

You do need to try and get him back to school as soon as possible because the longer he is away - the harder it is to go back again. My son still has days away from school - but he is on average going mostly - and that is so much better than not going at all. My ex takes him to school two mornings a week - just to keep him rolling along and going (as he tends to feel I might have more sympathy than his dad - which I do - as I have more empathy - some parents do - others don't).

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he is playing you - it might look that way - but kids don't really want to be in this situation - their self esteem plummets (or already has). Often teachers will blame the parent and say the child is misbehaving or running rings around a parent - but honestly - in my own experience and all of those on this forum that post - this is just no the case. Your son is probably bewildered about why he just can't get up and go. If its not sleep issues (which even then will make him sluggish and not knowing why he can't do it) then he might have other issues that he needs to work through in order to continue at the school. Sometimes SR kids are also perfectionists - and the stress of this can make them just give up doing any work - better to fail from not having done it than fail from having got it wrong.

I can hear your frustration - its just so incredibly hard, isn't it.
So perhaps take a different tact and embrace your son where he is now - and talk to him about getting help. Try not to show your disappointment if possible. He will know anyway that he has let you down - so best to try and make some positives out of the situation if you can.

He will probably tell you he doesn't need help etc....but that is a typical stage they go through too - denial - as you say - its everyone else's fault.
So check out the sleep situation and then ask the school what they can do to help and then if you can afford it - a psychologist for your son.
AND - don;t forget some time for yourself to ease the stress : )
Take care and let us know how you get on. Everyone on here is very supportive and understanding.
Linda