Hi

Just sharing my frustration this morning! School started back after the holidays this week for us - and its been a struggle every morning. After the first morning - I talked with my son about why he might be feeling so bad this time after having had a reasonable term last term - turns out that when he went to his dads for a week - he only took one of his tablets instead of two!! So we have gone backwards! Now I have to increase slowly - and wait for the effects to take on again. So frustrating! It takes a few weeks for the effects to kick in - which is why I increased it last term so that I thought he'd have a good last term for the year. Not to be : (
Also there are side effects when you first increase the dose - so I have one angry - low feeling boy who is struggling to make it each day. Oh well - I guess we are at least not going back to the time of no attendance but I am tired of the struggle and its only been 3 days!!
I also feel that we have a sleep issue taking over. Not enough sleep is impacting on his overall mood and ability to get there. We also lost an hour as our daylight saving kicked in on the last day of the school holidays. So perhaps it is the time clock also rearranging itself.

My feelings going out to all of you who are struggling this week - I think of you often - and hope you can feel you can come on here any time and share your frustrations like I am. Its just so nice to share these with people who understand. Take care everyone - and do something today just for yourself - you deserve it.
Linda

Hey Linda - not a great start to term :-( I totally understand your frustration. Was it your son's idea to reduce his medication? Hope the side effects wear off quickly and he is back on track. I can identify with the tiredness you feel. After an improved attendance at end of 2012 and very beginning of 2013 my daughter has had her worst time ever following the break up of her relationship. She has only managed 1-2 days since then, not interested in doing any school work but refusing all other options of education. On the bright side, she did complete her year of TVET animal care course and actually did quite well, completing all her assessments and getting good marks. I think this had a lot to do with the fact that TAFE starts at 2 in the afternoon and of course it was something she is interested in. In desperation, after yet another visit to our GP he recommended trying hypnotherapy toward the end of last term. The therapist is a credentialed mental health nurse and she is the first professional we have seen who has a full understanding of daughters condition. We have had a few sessions and saw some initial positive reaction - time will tell if she continues to benefit. Something that was uncovered during a session was that she was picked on as a young child when she attended after school care. She had never mentioned this before and said afterwards she had no real memory of it but seems she decided way back then that if she didn't go to school she would spend the day at nans and therefore avoid after school care. We are at a point now where she has to get to school this term in order to complete the assessment check points to sign off on Year 10. She wants to go to Year 11 to complete her second year of TVET and has selected subjects that she should be able to excel...gone are the dreaded maths, science and geography. I met with the senior school head this morning when I finally got daughter there and she called all the department heads in and asked them to come up with modified, simple assessment tasks and to schedule in time to spend with daughter one on one to achieve them. I'm hoping this will take enough of the pressure off her to actually get to school for the rest of term. There have been days and nights (mostly late at night when we are both exhausted) when I have actually considered admitting her to a psych ward. The continual negative talk and wishing she was dead just wears us both down. Of course during school holidays I was lulled into a false sense of security yet again as she appears so "normal" and I convince myself all will be well, so when she refused first day back (yesterday) it is such a smack in the face. Thank you for your continual encouragement - I always feel better when I read your responses to others. You and your son have come a long way and I am believing with you that he will continue to improve.

Thanks Sandy - its so nice to know you understand and thanks for your kind words!

But what a roller coaster ride you have been on! It must have made you feel sick in the stomach when she refused to go the first day back. But like I said for my son - for some reason - it was just a struggle on the first day, whereas usually on the first day this year - he grumbles and groans but gets there. This time - the high anxiety levels were quite worrying. I was relieved when I realised the medication had been reduced.
It seems him and his dad thought that the one tablet was the double dose...mmmm.....a quick question to mum could have got that one straight. My son knew he had to take two tablets but I have to remind him every single night for this. So the reduction was 'accidental' - but takes awhile to increase again - so I don't expect an improvement too quickly.

It was really good to read that you daughter completed the TVET course and did well. Fantastic that there is something out there that she likes and can come back to or continue on with - no matter what the immediate future holds.
The negative thoughts must be a real worry for you. So you don't think the hypnotherapy is helping that?
We know that cognitive behaviour therapy that changes the thought patterns is what works - but it seems very hard to find someone who can actually work with our children with this and so I am fast coming to the conclusion that it is actually something you have to do yourself - and we might have to wait until our children are a bit older before they realise they have to take this upon themselves - someone is not going to feed them the positive replacement thoughts - they have to create them inside themselves. And I would imagine it is sometimes just too hard.
When my son gets to that point and I start suggesting things he just says repeats 'I can't' to everything. They just don't seem to be able to switch to that rational level- do they?. Does talking generally help your daughter or do you find that you have to just back away from it because it remains negative?
The school does sound supportive for you -so you are lucky in that respect. Good that they are seeing that the situation requires some changes from their side.

I hope your daughter when she starts taking those steps forward can continue again. Getting over the relationship probably whipped out all her self esteem from under her (or what self esteem there was in the first place) - so it will take twice as long.
Let us know how you go - I hope your week does get better and something starts to happen. Hope you ahve some moments where you can regain your confidence in yourself too and do something just for you : )
Take care - thinking of you
Linda

Our problem was always the feeling that the medication was not doing any good, so 'what's the point?'. But, because it builds up slowly, she did not notice the effect - though we did, especially when she stopped taking them.

So maybe this is a lesson learnt and he will keep at it.

Not that I am good at taking my medication - just realised I forgot again this morning! Best do it now...

And remember that we are here with you...

Simon

Thanks Simon.
This morning it was 'I am so sick - my throat is killing me - I can't go'. I was in fact, unable to get him out of bed. But his step sister came over and took him to school. HE just can't afford any more time off - even if he is ill!!
And yes - the medication will take awhile to kick in and so he didn't give himself the best chance to start the term off well. Maybe he will notice the difference this time. I know he had been saying 'why do I still need to take it' when he was going well - so I have a feeling he did decide to drop the amount, rather than just forget. Oh well - I just have to muster up lots more patience : )
Take care and hope things are going well at your end
Linda

Seems my son has been trying to stop his medication as he a) believes he no longer needs it and b) has decided that taking medication is not good for you : (
We had a complete meltdown last night (both of us!) as he refused to take his medication. I tried to reason and explain that if he wanted to try not taking it he needed to plan and ease off it slowly - not stop suddenly. But it was like hitting my head against a brick wall. Then the 'I'm not talking to you' kicked in (he wanted to punish me for sending him to school). So for four hours I had to endure this 'stand off' situation as he got more and more wound up. In the end he was curled up on the couch with a blanket covering his head. I ended up ringing his dad. On his way over - my son must have got off the couch and taken the tablets as when I next checked - they were gone.
With his dad he calmed down and agreed he'd punished me enough as it wasn't really 'my fault' for sending him to school. It was a horrible evening and not one I want to go through again as at one stage I thought he was going to hit me - but he hit the couch. And then he was crying because he said it was awful that I'd think he would ever hit me.

Aggh.....an all round disaster. But its a new day. His dad came and took him to school. We hardly spoke - so I think he is ok. I will just have to see how he is when I pick him up after school.
Such roller coasters we ride, don't we (and I never did like roller coasters : )
Hope everyone else is managing. Our patience and nerve ends are severely tested at times.
I am just hoping next week things improve at my end as this has come as a surprise after things were going well.
Take care and enjoy the weekend.
Linda

((((((Linda)))))) big cyber hugs to you from up over, it is difficult being primary parent as you carry the brunt of things when your son's SR behaviours trigger. Great that his step sister and dad come over to help get him into school though. So sorry to hear of these recent challenges especially after he had been taking steps forward before that.

Such a shame his current view of taking/needing medication is more on the negative side. It's so common for people to see it as a sign of weakness or something that is harmful. What are his father's views on your son taking meds? Have you ever considered going as a family to a family therapist for a session or two? It may open you ex's and your son's eyes to different areas if you were to have a safe place to express your thoughts and stresses and the T would be able to back up the benefits of meds (to son and dad) for anxiety related issues.

My d used to punish me too, so draining and painful to take but it shows how safe our children are with us that they are able to express their anger and frustration, the really hard part is dealing with it and not venting our own emotions back - so many times like you I would melt down, it's an almost impossible burden to carry all the time.

I hope in all of this you are able to find time just for you to do something you enjoy or just to have a bit of breathing space. Living with this is so draining, I lost sight of myself for a long time and now appreciate the little things so much.

Thanks so much, Clarity - its comforting to know you understand : )

Things a bit calmer in our house now. I have had a chat with my son about the medication and he has agreed he need to stay on it at least whilst still at school this year. I have bought him one of those little tablet boxes for each day of the week so that he can take charge regarding taking the medication and I can keep more of a track of what he is taking. At the beginning of the week I will put his medication in each day of the week box (and a vitamin pill).
He seems ok about this. He's back talking to me and we seem to have moved on.

Bit tricky there for awhile though....and it has made me realise that you can't just sit back and think all is well - our children still need lots of assistance at this age and also whilst still going through the schooling and there are going to be hiccups along the way. I just hadn't quite expected it at this point. The week was a real struggle - but in the end he made it in every day. Afterwards he said he was glad he had made it. At the time though - he just caves in to his feelings and seems never to see the big picture, remember past success or see how it might be something he just has to do. All rational thoughts go out the window - as you well know from your own experience.

All the best to you and everyone else - hope you had a good weekend.
Take care
Linda

Hey Linda - glad your son has agreed to continue with his medication for the time being. I remember going through similar situations when my daughter was younger and spent time with her dad during the holidays. At that stage he was anti-medication and he would fill her mind with negativity about taking it. Thankfully now they both realise it is necessary and she even notices the difference if she forgets to take it which is amazing as she used to say it didn't do anything. Hope he is settling in better now.

Hi Sandy and others,

Days can be so unpredictable, can't they. Monday good..Tuesday good....so I relaxed and thought ' great - we are over the hiccup'. Wednesday....bad.....didn't make it in to school. Everything negative. Didn't want to go on an excursion the next day (was it pre excursion nerves?). But...then he got up yesterday and went on the school excursion!
And off he went ok today. I am sure those of you still trying to do the getting to school road have the same kind of weeks. One can never predict a good or a bad week.
So I am feeling happier again - but always on edge ...something we just have to live with.
My son's medication increase might have influenced how he felt - so hopefully by the end of this week the side effects will have gone. My ex came around to agreeing with medication - so I am ok on that front. It must have been so frustrating for you, Sandy , with her dad feeding her negative ideas about medication. It is something that everyone should keep an open mind to. I used to be against it too! But I can see now that it is up to individuals and each case. Some kids cope without the medication whilst others are damaging themselves by continuous negative thoughts that spiral downhill- so you have to do something.

Hope your week was fine? Thanks for being here when my son's behaviour turned upside down.
Hope everyone else is hanging in there....enjoy the weekend...
Linda

Hi Linda, what a relief it must be to now have your ex on the same page as you re the meds. The SR situation is challenging enough to everyone involved without being at loggerheads with the other parent which makes it even tougher. There were many occasions my ex co-parent was in opposition to me, then I gave up the reigns for a while and let him deal with it all. He soon learned! and on the other side of the coin there were things he tried that I hadn't and they helped - in the end it was a bit of humble pie eating all round!

Such a difficult road for all of us who find ourselves on it, it would be different if it was already well trodden but it just isn't - hopefully we are doing that now by sharing experiences and our right and wrong turns along the way.