Hi just found this forum....help received court date for non attendence!!

My 14 yr old daughter as been refusing on and off for 2 yrs now and I'm at my wits end. I've had a ton of support from the school, social services etc but
but not made any differences I've signed paperwork to say I won't harm her ie throw her in the car and drive her in pj,s which when I signed I felt like a
Child beater!! I've been on a strengthening families course. I put in punishments ie laptop, phone etc and treats ice skating, alton towers. It just don't work

I wake her up in the morning and its just her decision if she feels like going or not!! There r no issues with friends she has a few but as I keep telling her the more time she don't go in the friends will move on. Taken her to GP no issues slight anxiety which he said my daughter should just suck it up???

I have a great partner (8 yrs together)(her dad not around since day 1) he tries to help we have a 3 yr old and I'm struggling to keep it together. It's pure frustration I keep thinking about what she is doing to her education it baffles me I don't know what will happen at court????

Can she come with me I feel she needs to realise what she's done I know I sound harsh but I've tried everything to get her to school which the school agree I have even have a letter from social worker stating I've tried my up most I feel like a failure!!!

What is the point in taking me to court then?????????????

What is an education support order, I'm just running out of ideas

I'm at court in 2 weeks with no one supporting me as all support finished and our case is closed as nothing more they can provide us.

Sorry feeling empty

Hi Serena,

How awful for you - my heart goes out to you and I can feel your frustration and panic.
So glad you found us. Are you in the UK?

If you look into the resource section on this site - there is a link to a court case in the UK where the judge threw it out and asked the school to apologise. As far as we know - no court cases have come up like that since.
As the paper's have been issued - I am not sure what you can do to stop the actual process happening but I'd try the following:
1. Contact parent Partnership and ask their advice.
2. Contact your local MP and ask for their support and advice
3. Find another GP and take your daughter and get a better diagnosis as soon as you can.
4. Arm yourself with as much information as you can find (there are quite a few linnks in the resource section on this site) about School Refusal and teenage issues.
5. Write, write write...all that you have done so far, observations of your daughter's behaviour, mood, changes of mood, eating habits (if any issues), negative thoughts etc. Write down every contact you have had with the school that you can think of - all that You have done to get your daughter to school. Contacting the school at any time shows you have been doing something.

Did this start when your daughter started high school? This is a very common time for school refusal to kick in - the transition to a new school - and becoming a teenager. It is not something your daughter can help - as you well know - but the court may not be familiar. Assume the court knows nothing - and you are there to inform them.

Read through as many posts on here as you can - you can do a search for some topics - in the search - or just scroll through and find some that look relevant.
There is someone on the forum - whose name escapes me right now who knows all about the law in relation to this and has posted information to other parents being threatened with court. This is still relevant to you - even if they have taken it that one step forward.

Has your daughter been offered CBT or medication? If not - then the system has failed her (this is what you tell the court). Put it back on their foot -
Have CAMHS done their job properly? Did the school offer more than one alternative program (ie. one hour a day increased SLOWLY to more or one on one etc).
Did the school offer tutoring at home or sending work home? If not - then they have failed their duty of education to educate a child even if they can't make it to school due to a 'disability ' in this case a mental health disability.

If I can think of anything else I'll post again soon - meanwhile - have a look around the site as much as you can.
Hang in there - you are doing all you can - and don't let them tell you otherwise. They always blame the parent as they don't know what else to do.
If you are not in the UK or Australia - then I am not sure of the process as most people on here are from the UK.
Where are you situated? Hopefully someone else can post and help too -
Stay in touch -we'll give you all the support we can.
Take care - deep breathe....you will get through this - and then can concentrate on getting your daughter better.
Linda

Hi Serena
Am so sorry you have this dreadful ordeal to face , am a newb on this site but my son has tried for last 15 months to get out of going to school, we not at the court situation yet, managed to get a doctors note statin he's suffering anxiety an he is on waiting list for camhs but nightmare trying to get him out of bed in mornings,but have just found out today that there is a small education unit locally have been told to contact education department to see if he can attend whilst waiting for cahms appt - 4 months waiting list atm. Maybe your daughter would attend a small school, my son hates crowds!


I have been told if a child is suffering with a mental health issue like anxiety you cant get prosecuted? Not sure if correct?

Thank god this site exists - great people with a lot of good advice, hang in there try to stay strong, are you living in the UK? Can you get citizens advice or free advice from a solicitor?
Sorry can't be more helpful, I really hope you can get it dismissed!
Crazy world when people get taken to court for school issues!
Best regards
Gerry

hi again Serena

Have had a bit of a look at past posts.
Here is the article I mentioned re thrown out of court:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1285219/Boy-school-phobia-wins-apology-education-chiefs-tried-prosecute-parents.html
--------------
PARENT PARTNERSHIP

http://www.parentpartnership.org.uk
.......................
And Sarah also got in touch with her local MP and he seemed quite helpful. Its all about schools having to provide the support for every child to get an education etc.
..........................
Presume CAMHS are involved?
............................................................
This was from Andrea back in Oct 2011 - in Scotland - but may apply to government in UK overall? Worth looking into.
"I have now made a Section 70 complaint to the Scottish Ministers - which anyone can do if they believe their Local Authority is failing to fulfil their statutory duties under the education legislation."

Let us know where you are - which country - so we can offer more specific help.
I'm from Australia but I know the UK system better than my own as I have been on this forum since 2009!
Take care
Linda

Hi serena, im in a similar situation myself with my 14 yrd old daughter, altho at the moment she is attending part time, she goes every day, but not for a full day which is what the school want, is she currently on a part time table, what hours does she do? I to have been threatened with an EWO but it is being reveiwed in 16 weeks, is the court case to enforce an EWO on you or prosecution, I have seeked help from citizens advice but they were no real help, said the subject is sketchy, my welfare officer has always said that if the parent is being seen to get there child to school they dont prosecute. You are still within your rights to home educate her, until the EWO is issued, if she isnt attending at all i would suggest this route altho u will have to prove you are doing this, there are some online home schooling that can be undertaken, or special centres that are for kids who cant cope with main stream school, have u looked into any of these. xxxxx

Hi thanks for posts

I'm in uk in UK in Norfolk. Yes I've had Cahms, support workers I've tried
Everything that I know of. Yesterday after receiving court papers I called
Social services children in need team and just cried down the phone saying help
Me please. They called me back saying there is nothing they can do, because we
Are a "normal" family no alcohol, drug,mental health issues and my girl hasn't
Got as any learning,mental health issues we don't fit the remit for any other
Assistance.

The social worker told me to ask for the duty solicitor on the day of court and to explain to him/her the whole situation. As my daughter's school Is an academy
All the meetings fast track and previous attendence meetings where held without
Anyone from the local authority attendence team as the academies do there own
Pastoral care no PSA are involved.

What upsets me is a letter from my support worker stating I have tried my up most
To get my daughter to school Is not being used as witness statements
The court documents r using just her attendence record which is 71% and a list
Of the amount of times I have called the school to inform them she is refusing
To go in.

I feel I've been left high and dry by everyone the support was there but now I
Really need it they don't want to know as its not in remit.

It's causing untold pressure in my house I'm so stressed out and frustrated
My daughter couldn't give a hoot she's been to school 4 days this week but just
Had a run of 9 days off, she just decides if she fancies going in, it's like a joke to her.when she is in school no problems her behaviour is fine, has a small
Network if friends but they dwindle as she isn't in school enough to be a
Regular friend.

I'm considering asking my parents to have her temporarily, she could still go to
Same school. But I just can't handle to stress and frustration any longer it
Takes so much energy to punish her, hiding laptops, phones, treats it gets to the point I take to plug off the tv in lounge when I'm at work so she can't watch, I was told by another support worker to make my home welcoming so school Is better
Option!!! She don't care

Thanks for reading I don't think any any agency will help me.

I might start drinking might get loads of support then it's a joke!!

Serena xx

Hi Serena,

Can you remember how your daughter reacted the first time she didn't want to go into school? Did she cry, feel ill, get angry, very stubborn etc? If she ever had any of those symptoms on school mornings then she does have a mental health issue. If she hasn't had any 'symptoms' as such and she is just being stubborn - there is probably still something deep down that is bothering her but she can't put her finger on.

Does she go out and socialise normally? Does she invite friends over or go to their house? Does she mostly just stay in her room? Do you know if there is any cyber bullying going on?
Sorry - lots of questions but I wondered why the authorities claim she doesn't have a mental health issue.
Do you think she does? I know it can feel like our children are just being naughty - but if you step back and think about the whole situation - do you think she might be suffering depression or anxiety?

We are often told are children are fine when at school - but as my son explained -that is because he has to put in an enormous effort to appear normal. And the schools also don't know what is 'normal' if they don't see our kids at home.

Are your parents nearby? Could one of them take your daughter to school at least one or two days a week?
My ex husband takes my son two days a week and that helps - seems I get him there for at least two more days.
It is a vicious circle - once they have time off- friends drift off - the work gets harder - they feel they don't fit in - and so they don't want to go back.

Your daughter must be feeling some kind of negative emotion to not want to face up to school.
You mentioned a three year old - sorry if I am throwing out obvious questions here - but is there any chance your daughter might be feeling left out as three year olds can take up a lot of attention from parents unknowingly.
Apart from the looming court case - do you think you are able to step back and just embrace your daughter where she is now and tell her that you know something is bothering her and you'll help and support her in any way you can? SOmetimes our acceptance that our son/daughter has a mental health issue or an emotional need can help ease the situation. When she says 'she doesn't care' that can be a common response because of course they don't want to go to school - so unless they get the right help - they can get stuck in that attitude.

Taking technology away is something that has been discussed on and off on the forum and the conclusion is always the same - it does not work - so best not to stress ourselves out over trying to monitor it. Try emailing or texting your daughter perhaps and just say positive things like 'hope you are feeling ok today' or 'you know I think about you' or just little affirmations that show you care even if she is driving you crazy!

Sorry for my long post again. Your daughter is showing signs of a' mental health' issue. What did Camhs decide was the problem? -
You are not alone - remember that - we are thinking of you - lots of others going through similar things.
Hang in there - get some support for yourself or take some time out for yourself.
Linda

Hi Serena
what an awful situation.
It sounds like you have enough stress already, and now this.

First of all i'd say stop punishing her. It's not working, and honestly when my daughter was going through this punishing her didn't change one thing, and it's only adding to the overall stress.

Go to the court. Tell your side of things. Truthfully I wouldn't bring her there. i can't see what good it would do.

I'm sorry you have no support from the authorities, they do leave a lot to be desired don't they

Have you considered removing her from school and educating her at home?
Does she ever talk about why she's unhappy going into school regularly?


I know it's easy to say, but try to relax. Getting more upset is not good for anyone. Someday this will all be over and you'll look back and wonder why you let these people upset you so much. Your daughter's welfare is your main concern and it comes across very clearly in your posts that you are trying your hardest for her.

I wish you all the best and hope that someone in authority sees sense. Take care.