We are a small Surrey-based (Redhill/Reigate) school refusal support group (anyone welcome to attend - see www.cantgowontgo.org for where and when). The reasons people cite for their child's school refusal vary, but anxiety is often at the heart of it. We have a good few mums whose children have an ASD diagnosis. We are really keen to try and effect a change BUT there are so many issues surrounding schools, the LEAs and CAMHS that it's hard to know where to start.

My gut feeling is that the problem often starts with schools. There is no incentive for them to help 'emotionally-based' school refusers, unless they genuinely care about their students. There is no legal requirement for them to identify these children as distinct from truants, and the parental penalties which have been put in place for truants therefore apply equally to legitimate school refusers, adding further worries to what is usually a family already in crisis. At the moment I am thinking we need to lobby Ofsted to make schools more accountable for these children and the support the school has provided for them, the Department of Education to review the law surrounding school refusal/truancy and CAMHS for often failing families in this situation (based on our experience and most of the stories I have heard). We are considering an approach to a TV production company, assuming they would not sensationalise the issues. Any thoughts/additional voices/feedback gratefully received!!

Hi Fran

Wonderful that you have posted this information regarding support in Surrey. I have sent the url for your website to Simon who runs this site - and it will then appear in either the blog or resource section or both.

It is fantastic that you have set up a support like this in Surrey- where parents can actually meet face to face and talk.There are a few that have come on here asking for any support round Surrey and we have been able to let them know a group exists and now we can point the directly to your webpage.

The TV coverage sounds good. I was involved in the one in our blog here that was just a TV station covering School Refusal for about 10 mins! Whilst they started off in a less than desirable way - they turned it around to show the difference between school refusal and truancy. Some of the on-line feedback about the segment was positive and supportive but there was also quite a few blaming us mums and telling us our kids were spoilt brats and 'when I went to school etc' So some people just have no idea and think it is all a result of over protective parents or behavioural issues in children. But you know all this : }

In your case if you feel you can get enough interest to put together and actual program to present to a TV - then you might find someone interested in the story and not just a news grab. Sound like a good idea. Who would you be pitching it at mostly?

You are so right about it being not picked up by schools who seem unable to know what to do with children who have an emotional or mental health issue.

How old are your children now (I notice it said two mums on the website - how did you meet?).
Wishing you all the best - and do stay in touch as I am sure there will be people on here interested in contributing ideas to your proposal.

All the best
Linda

Thanks Linda. I met the other Mum through a tutor, and am sad to say that I know of many others in the same boat. I have spoken to Simon before and he has already promoted our little group, so thank you for that.

In terms of a TV programme I'd like to build a structured argument which probably starts with schools identifying a problem and being held to account for how they respond, but diagnosis and support is also a huge problem. I've spoken to Wild Productions who have invited us to 'pitch' a story but are insisting it's centred around a real case study (which is often a problem).

My daughter has always been too terrified to talk about her feelings which made it very easy for the school to say there was nothing wrong with her - like many we were on unauthorised absence for many months with the EWO and prosecution a constant threat. And I have to say that virtually every professional she's met has either failed to understand her problems or abandoned her because it takes too long to gain her trust and see any results.

We are one of the lucky ones. We've found a wonderful tutor and have been able to get a statement and some funding but I am frequently reduced to tears by the stories of the other mums who call us.

I'd love to know what you/Simon/others feel would be the most effective way to force some changes....... Thanks for listening

Hi Fran

We're in Ireland, so different again.
Here it's not as difficult to homeschool even from the beginning, but if a child goes into school system and things go 'wrong' then the fun begins.
Noone seems to understand, noone seems to listen.

As you said, nobody sticks around long enough to get to the bottom of the issues the child may be suffering.

School refusal is seeing as truanting - end of. It was really difficult to deal with when my daughter was going through it.

Eventually I gave up and withdrew her from school. Education at home is fine, but then trying to do the state exams is another story.

Truthfully, it's like they make a special effort to put every obstacle in the way of parents who have to/choose to go outside the system.

Sorry for rambling. I do that sometimes

Take care

You're quite right Virginia. I think one of the keys to effect change is for this NOT to be seen as truanting and for schools to recognise the difficulty in getting a formal diagnosis quickly. They need to be made to support and not penalise parents in the meantime....thanks for your reply

Fran you have described the issues bang on the nose. There simply isn't awareness of how deeply SR children are suffering or incentive to support them beyond the rules and guidelines currently in place, which only penalise the SR child and their parents further.

All your ideas above are excellent, my suggestion would be to find some informed, compassionate and understanding professionals who can back up information on the struggles of SR children and their families, and have letters from these individuals outlining their concerns sent in alongside the lobbying documentation. Same for a TV documentary, knowledgeable professionals would need to be involved.

My daughter's SR developed after a prolonged period of bullying at school, the organisation Red Balloon was a godsend in helping us as was a local anti bullying organisation. I am sure you could find professional support via Red Balloon though it would be coming from the angle of supporting bullied children to recover. They have a lot of experience in what it takes to help deeply anxious children move forward again in their lives.

It's good to know you have a support group going in your area, validation and support are such a huge part of our own healing as parents of SR kids. I live in the Channel Islands and hope to be able to inspire positive changes in our education system here also.

Clarity

Thank you Clarity - will absolutely do as you suggest. Any other ideas/thoughts welcomed!

Excellent job on your website Fran, it is so good to see more online info and support for SR parents. As we know all too well it can be a very lonely place to be as we try to support our children and raise awareness with education authorities and professionals.