school refusers


a resource for parents 


Please feel free to join our School Refuser message forum discussions. If you have experience of school refusing, you may find it appropriate to respond to previous posts.  Or you may be feeling isolated and wish to express your feelings.  Whatever, your contribtions are welocme. 

  No registration required - just get posting!
 


School Refusal
Start a New Topic 
Author
Comment
Opening Up

Hello All

Just wondered if anyone had any advice about how to get their teenager to open up.

We have now identified why our daughter becomes so incredibly worried at the thought of going to School and just can not get out of the car - it is because she thinks she will become upset. We have also identified what is making her feel so upset - but she will not talk about it. Anytime we mention the subject, she just becomes quiet, upset and withdrawn.

Any suggestions?

We have realised that unless she opens up and discusses this (though it will no doubt be painful for her) she will not be able to face any of her school friends or others.

Thank you.

Regards.

Sharry

Re: Opening Up

Hi Sharry - it's good that you are identifying some triggers. I have found that it is mostly impossible to get a teenager to open up. There are some things my daughter will open up to me about but often if she thinks it is something that will upset or worry me she will clam up and just tell me "nothing's wrong". She will however talk to other significant family members she is close to, aunties in particular or even close family female friends but it is usually her choice - not forced. And the counsellor we are now seeing has had the most success getting her to pin point her fears and bring them into the open by using a combination of talking and drawing responses. xx

Re: Opening Up

Hi Sharry

Yes - its hard to get teenagers to talk. My son also closes up. He also doesn't tell me what he talks about with the psychiatrist - so I am non the wiser after those sessions either.
My son finds there is not one specific thing that makes I'm feel the way he does - although his father prefers to list things that make him anxious. I think its a 'general feeling' rather than specific - so sorry I'm not much help on that one. But I agree with Sandra - that perhaps someone outside the family might be better.
On the other hand - just letting your daughter know you are there for when or if she wants to talk, as you are doing, is a positive thing and she might come round to talking.
Linda