Following reading the Important School Attendance Booklet - Can I double check that I am reading this correctly, that if my child has been assessed by CAMHS and is now seeing a counsellor on a weekly basis for negative thinking, anxiety and depression following bullying at school then it is unlikely that we will be found guilty and fined?

My daughter has refused to go to school since January of this year, following a lot of face to face and online bullying, (she has had a previous incidence of school refusal as well, after physical and verbal abuse at her Middle School). She has now refused to go to school and also finds it really difficult to socialise, meet other people (even family members), sleeps most of the day and stays awake at night and has effectively closed herself off to the outside world. Her friend also attempted suicide whilst on the phone to my DD, which deeply distressed her and all through this we received next to no support. Following an assessment by our local locality worker we were referred to CAMHS, and although we had a one sentence pre-caf from the school (which was returned and although was requested again, was never properly completed), we never had a CAF completed and even now are only half way through one. The locality worker admitted that they were understaffed and also that it was likely that we were going to have a long wait for CAMHS, as they were also inundated. She subsequently went on sick leave, so we didn't have her support. We did have an assessment meeting for 1/2 an hour with a CAMHS counsellor, who offered my DD appointments on a weekly basis to help her with her anxiety, depression and negative thinking. She also felt that she had a slight amount of PTSD due to her reaction to potential threats of bullying.

Only when my daughter started losing a lot of weight and her periods stopped did I go back to see the social worker and was advised to phone CAMHS to see if I could get her 'bumped up' the waiting list. We did this and was offered an appointment within a week to a fortnight.

We also had a meeting involving the school and the Educational Welfare Officer, who immediately advised that we would be fined for not having DD at school. It was never mentioned that this meeting was a Team Around the Child meeting, she was always on the offensive and said at another meeting that she had automatically gone down the punitive route, without even offering any substantive support (in my opinion), she also did a lot of eye rolling and face pulling, which not only did I feel was totally unprofessional but also made me feel about an inch tall and I really felt that I was not going to get any benefit from working with her. She also advised that we had to get DD to school and that if I couldn't collect her then she would have to come home in a taxi - the counsellor advised against this, as she felt that it would definitely put DD back to square one.

We have had yet another meeting, the CAF still hasn't been completed and we are still being threatened with fines. However, the small light at the end of the tunnel is that we are getting a letter from a psychologist stating DD's mental state and reasons for non-attendance as well as potentially going down the route of a learning centre with only a small number of children, which I'm hoping will help DD reintegrate back into school and society.

Apologies for the long post, but my final question is - why would they want to put us all through the trauma of the threat of a court case if, following CAMHS assessment and letter from psycologist, we would be found not guilty, if all the 'excuses' are to be believed.

Has anyone got any advice that theey could give me.

Many thanks

Hi Tonia

I am so sorry to hear how things are for you. Glad you found us on here- lots of supportive people who know exactly what you are going through. It is so frustrating to hear everyone's individual stories that are in the end so similar in the way you/we are treated by the schools or authorities. For some reason they want to blame the parent - especially the mother. What they don't seem to realise how awful it is for us to have a child going through a mental health issue and how much anguish we suffer! Don't let them make you feel small (easier said than done i know!!). You are the expert on your daughter's health. How old is your daughter?

I am not in the UK and although I know the UK system well - I hope someone else on here can reply to you and give you some direct advice.
From my knowledge, however, you are not likely to be prosecuted. They like to dish out threats because they think that it will 'make' you get your child to school - as if you aren't already trying!! As far as I know there has still only been rare cases where any of this went to court and the last one that did (check out the resource section on this site) was thrown out by the judge and the school asked to apologise.
You sound like you have taken all the necessary steps - so the school now is responsible to ensure that your daughter gets an education no matter what the circumstances. IF they don't follow through with any more support at their end then they have failed their duty. I think the documents might also be in the resource section on this site regarding this in the UK.

Make sure you keep all notes, correspondence, emails, records of phone calls and dates etc because you can show this to them next time and put the ball back in their court (it will make you feel bigger than an inch tall too :)
When you attend a meeting next time - dress up - take a black folder under your arm and pen in hand. The image they get when you then walk through the door is someone in control - not a worn down parent. It is really hard to do this but it really helped me so I think it might help any of us facing that 'put down' situation where we feel so bad.

There is lots of past posts on here about alternatives or ways forward - it is very much an individual thing.
If you feel your daughter may never engage with school again then there are some on-line learning sites that can get your daughter through. As I mentioned though - the school is still responsible if you are enrolled - and they sometimes will provide/allow tutors to keep things going.
Try giving Parent Partnership UK a call as I have heard that they know the ropes with these things and can give you some advice and some sympathy.

Its a tough road, isn't it. I still struggle with my son even though he often does get to school - he also (like today) just cannot get there. For the first time I have found a school coordinator who understands that small steps are all good.
So remember - your daughter;'s mental health is number one and finding ways to boost her self esteem and view of herself and the social world around her will be slow but an important part of recovery. A couple of years ago my son also was confined to the house and room - and also wouldn't socialise with family. He is now on medication and although I can't see major changes - the thing I have to keep reminding myself is that he is now able to do things outside of school, socialise with family and even if he never brings a friend home - he is able to talk with others when he meets others. These are the small steps that turned into larger steps with time.
Your daughter may need medication to help her through all the things that have impacted on her from the initial bullying. The medication takes the edge off to just help them move forward and that sounds like what your daughter needs. Are you able to talk to a doctor about this? Rather than wait any more for CAMHS - you might need to become proactive yourself with doctors and psychologists etc.

Hopefully someone else has some direct advice - but hang in there - you are doing all you can. Give your daughte a hug- she is doing all she can. IT tests our patience and stress levels (mine are high today!!) but you have lots of support on here so let us know how you are going.
Take care - you're a great mum and doing all you can in very trying circumstances.
Linda

My heart goes out to you and your daughter Tonia. Your experiences sound very similar to what my d and I went through. First the longterm bullying which was not addressed then the aftermath of dealing with school boards, camhs and ewo's who just don't seem to get what a bullied child really needs in terms of support. Then there is this huge pressure to have the child back in school no matter what, their experiences and anxiety are dismissed :(

R e d B a l l oo n were a great support to me (I have spaced out the spelling because my last post was deleted as spam), it was set up to specifically support and educate children affected by bullying and they have about 6 small specialist schools around the uk. We were outside the jurisdiction of uk but Mr Sproson their education director was a huge support to me via telephone and email. Finding support from people who really 'get it' is essential. K i d s c a p e were also supportive, they run free day courses once a month in London for bullied children and also the parents can have support on the same day in a separate course tailored for their needs. I never went to one of these due to logistics and expensive travel fares but they sound very good. Parenting support services are very helpful also, our local one provided me with 6 sessions of relaxation and reflexology to help reduce my stress levels. I also found a free anti-bullying counsellor who was a god send and I was given 9 sessions. Brook centres offer free counselling for young people if your daughter felt she could go. I know my d refused any kind of counselling support the majority of the time but I did manage to get her to see a youth counsellor for around 6 weeks which was of some help.

My daughter has been attending school for over a year now but she still finds it very difficult. Her confidence is building but slowly. Things do improve over time but recovery from bullying takes a long time and it impacts the whole family. Get as much good support as you can for yourself Tonia, I understand the huge strain that must be on your shoulders.

((((Tonia)))) hugs to you, Clarity