Well im back - for those who don't know me I had a sr son for 5 years and it was a nightmare but at nearly 19 we are home dry Well my youngest son nearly 16 and GCSE year has a place at college to study music depending on results and he is well on track to achieve much higher results.......but he has now said he isn't going back to school, not doing his exams and not going to college...... im at my whits end. Any advise please xx

Didn't want to read and run. I was visiting the site hoping for some help for me and my son (15) who is also in GCSE year and having got into school more of late (60% attendance at his new school opposed to 22% of a very reduced timetable at his previous one) hasn't been in since 4 weeks before the Xmas hols.

Has your son said anything about why he feels like this? I expect, like many teenage boys, talking about things isn't one of his favourite activities. But if all appeared well before this it seems a sudden cut off. It is, of course, the time of year when schools are piling the pressure on. Although teaching staff often assume that when they push everyone to work harder, they are really targeting the ones who need pushing , it is often the ones already working very hard and doing well who think it is aimed at them. I remember one of my friends at school walking out of one of her O levels as she'd just got too wound up and couldn't cope. Being super clever she actually managed to pass, although at a much lower grade than would have been expected. But she had absorbed all the pressured atmosphere that clearly wasn't aimed at her.

Recently, I talked to a friend who's daughter is taking GCSEs at the school my middle son (not SR) attended and she was expressing her horror at the amount of work some subject teachers expected from their pupils.I confirmed that it wasn't new and that my son had also sometimes worked into the early hours just to get everything done. I think there is tremendous pressure being heaped on our children and I can see why sometimes they just want to get off the treadmill. Could your son's reaction be something like this?

I think teenagers can be very susceptible to "all or nothing" thinking. So your son is stating he will give up on everything at once: school, exams, going to college. I don't know from your post how much your son is prepared to talk about any alternatives or if he's just saying he wants to stop what he has been doing and then won't talk any further. Any chance of getting someone sympathetic from school to talk to him? Is he still in touch with school friends or has he cut himself off? If this is completely out of the blue I'd want to check that nothing has happened at school to trigger this.

My 15 year old son with SR type issues has this feeling that he has to do everything at the "usual" time and that studying GCSEs later isn't an option. But of course it is, and I tell myself that if everything goes wrong this year, it isn't the end of the world - there are still options.

Oh, dear, Sarah.

How disappointing that you have felt the nedd to come back here again. I really hoped that you and yours had moved on.

However, the situation is, if I recall correctly, a bit different this time. Son No2 is a bit older and further on in his life than the situation you faced last time around. Of course you have ambitions for him, and want him to succeed at this stage in his life, but he will be better able to cope if that is not the course you have to follow.

The key question that comes to mind is, if not music at college, then what? At 15, it will not be easy to sit him down and have a healthy 'what now?' discussion. Door slamming comes to mind!

Different rules apply in each of the UK countries In England, the school leaving age depends on when the child born. He/she can leave school on the last Friday in June as long as they’ll be 16 by the end of that year’s summer holidays.

He/she must stay in some form of education or training until his/her 18th birthday if he/she was born on or after 1 September 1997.

The options are:

full-time education - eg at a school or college
an apprenticeship or traineeship
part-time education or training - as well as being employed, self-employed or volunteering for 20 hours or more a week

So, it looks like he should be in school or college til aged 18. Maybe that is a prospect that it is not so positive for him? But it reduces your options.

Keep in touch, Sarah, and let us know how you get on.

Oh dear, Sarah! Like Simon - I am so sorry to hear you have had to come back on here - after all you went through the first time!! And I can see that having been through it with one son - doesn't necessarily help when it hits again.
But you actually do have the skills and know-how to try and tackle some of the issues. Remember you were in the dark when your first son had his first issues - whereas you have travelled many roads and bumps since then.
Like the others have said - there are questions that we hope your son can answer - to give you some idea of why he suddenly feels this way. Although I do recall - this son had a couple of wobbly days or times way back - but it was seen at the time to be due to your other son's troubles?

At his age - going on 16 - it is a bit later than the usual SR, isn't it. I wonder if, like Leah says , it is just the enormous pressure that are put on kids these days. Is he feeling that the expectations from the school and perhaps even yourself are too high? Fear of failure? Better to bail out before sinking etc....?

Hard to know what advice to offer - but i think the others have given you some idea where to start thinking - again! Poor you - this is the last thing you needed. Can your other son talk with him? can he offer any insight - given what he has been through?

Came back any time Sarah - we are all here to help - even if I haven't been around much latelly - due to holidays down here and also moving house.
Take care and let us know how things progress
Linda