Hi Linda.

You are so right! One daughter got incredibly upset when her iPod was taken away. And it certainly hasn't motivated her to go to school. But I try not to feel a total failure as a parent. I know that every kid is different.My 15 year old goes to school. Likes it in fact and gets on with stuff when it happens. A practical young man. My daughters obviously not like that in recent times. Both my daughters have suggested the home school option but as I work 40 hours plus a week from home to provide for the family I can't see how/when I would be able to really teach them. And I think that they will love high school when they get there next year. It's a local public creative arts high school (Kuringai Creative Arts High School) that has so much tolerance and acceptance for different learning styles and creative interests. Both my girls love art and digital photography. And a wide catchment area so lots of kids from different primary schools. They have great teachers there and a peer group that is very inclusive. And in fact the girls in year 9 set up a youth mental health support group that was copied and used in other schools. This High School has a lot of kids that come into it after other more mainstream overcrowded schools in the area fail them. So I'm optimistic for the future. Also just found out I the girls can access local adolescent health even though girls are only 11. Special circumstances accepted. So hopefully some achievable goals will be set and met. So some good news. I hope. And yes- got to yoga and feel like I've renewed my calmness for now. I agree this forum is a lifeline. People who actually get what's going on! :) Really appreciate your support .

Hi Susan

The high school sounds great! And with your daughters being the creative kind - this does sound ideal. Hopefully if there are any hiccups along the way - the support will be there for them and yourself.
My son is a keen photographer and seems to have a natural eye for taking those wonderful shots. I think he also finds he can hide behind the camera - or 'be' someone in social situations.

He was a friendly, happy, fairly outgoing boy - but with school refusal having taken its toll on him for all these years - he is much more withdrawn these days. At primary school he had good friends - but still found it impossible to go to school sometimes - as it makes no difference in a way - but I think when you are a teenager - you need some friends around. So if your daughters can know others at the high school - this sounds like it will be a great help.

There used to be a lot more on the forum but it is a bit quieter these days.
Take care - let us know how you go
LInda

Susan,
I had to respond to your posting, because I'm having a similar situation with my twin 11 year old daughters. Wish I could offer practical advice, but I'm in the U.S. where it seems (as far as I can tell) no one has recognized this "school refusal" as an actual syndrome/condition.
My twins are fraternal and not very bonded but in some ways they're similar: creative, intelligent, some social anxiety (one more than the other) and not athletic. This year (6th grade, now middle school) has been a nightmare in terms of school attendance. It started with daughter "A" having anxiety, not liking class and refusing to go. Some of the contributing factors: sleep issues, best friend now goes to another school, family stress. We've even had the school counselors come to our house to rouse her out of bed! She's seems better at the moment, but now twin "B" has tummy problems and won't go to school. The whole dynamic is frustrating and depressing. It's hard to focus on any other aspect of my life. And though the school counselors seem supportive, their team teachers don't "get" twin "A" at all. One of the teachers was amazed that my daughter didn't laugh at his jokes! Sorry, my daughter doesn't think you're a comedian! BTW, we have tried counseling outside of school particularly with twin "A" however she doesn't connect with the counselor usually and then refuses to to that!
From my limited online research, it seems as though the UK and AUS have acknowledged this as being a significant problem. Here in the states I'm getting the truancy line. "You'll have to go to court if this keeps up." Aside from the school counselors who are probably overburdened, everybody looks at you as though you're enabling your child and want them to stay at home.
Oh, and the tactic of not allowing technology(which we practice) when they're home, doesn't affect twin "A" much. Twin "B" today seems bored, but she'll probably read and do art.
I wish I had solutions for you, but I thought I'd at least provide a note of support from someone in the same position!

Hi Cindy and everyone
My heart goes out to you all, it is terrible having school refusal/anxiety with one child but double when it is the two of them. It has been a while since I have been on this site, and I had hoped to be able to write I had found a miracle cure but unfortunately haven't:(

My situation is that my middle son has suffered school anxiety since he was 11 ( soon to be 14 now) and my youngest son started suffering anxiety at a very similar age ( soon to be 13) and although not twins the last 2 1/2 years have been absolute hell.
I cannot describe the awful feelings of being unable to get them to school and although my youngest son has attended school more than my middle son I have a daily nightmare of trying to get them both the support needed. Everyone says my youngest son is just copying the middle one (including very close family members) but I know he has had some bad experiences of his own that has contributed to the anxiety he feels.

I am dreading the end of the Easter break as I know I will be back to the daily stress of trying to get the youngest to attend his mainstream school and my middle son is meant to be attending a small education unit. I wish that I could get another person to get them to just get up and get dressed and just go! I have begged, pleaded, shouted, rewarded, etc, they must be so confused but nothing makes any difference. The pressure from school to get my youngest sons attendance up is pushing me to complete breaking point. I have to work and although it is only part time I am away from home each day so more pressure caused just to get to work but I have to go collect the youngest regularly as he feels ill. I know it's not as bad as some folks have it with other problems but if anyone had got any ideas I would be so greatful to read them, my middle son has attended Camhs since last May but hasn't made any real difference:/

Thanks everyone stay strong
Best regards
Gerry