Dear All

We are still continuing to have difficulties with our 15 year old girl. It is now 18 months since she attended school and still no closer. It will be her final year next year, but the difficulty is that she feels over-whelmed if we try and talk about what she then may do. I feel as if we need to protect her future as much as possible, but unless she gives us some indication on her direction, I fear she will end up with continued anxiety and then unable to progress onto the next step of her life.

The other area which we could do with some help in is how we build-up her self-esteem and self-worth. I can come up with the suggestions ie: she is a talented ballerina and dancer, she's great at sport and very creative. If she could do any of these now, it would build up her confidence. However, she doesn't feel able to. She has so many gifts but it's as if she's lost her motivation and determination to do anything.

We do ensure we give her praise but as a friend of mine said, giving praise can be like throwing something at a greasy frying pan - it just doesn't stick.

The other area of concern is that she isn't seeing any of her friends. She can not face them and is barely communicating with them on social media. She is therefore leading a lonely life.

If anyone has any advice, please do let me know.

Thank you.

Hi Sharry

So sorry to hear how difficult things still are for you.
It must break your heart to see your daughter not able to face those things that she loved. I would imagine that if yo have no self esteem, ballet would be very hard to return to. You have to feel good about your body and believe in your skill.
Just an idea, but would she consider photographing her ballet group and displaying these or having them for sale to members?
Perhaps even a word on your part to the leader of the ballet group to ask if this is possible and to facilitate it somehow?
She could put the work into w calendar and sell?

What about on-line schooling? There is a site in the UK that does this.

My son also has limited access to his peers. He never made friends at the new school and now he is doing school on line, he had no friends to mix with. He does meet some when playing games on-line but not often.
I have seen him mix so much better with those older than his peers, and your daughter might be the same. It is social anxiety that is crippling them. Is there something your daughter can do that allows her to mix with older people? Is there any volunteer work?
I hope that my son finds his crowd when older and I hope your daughter does too.

While we watch and wait, i try to keep making sure my son goes out with me to a shopping centre or to public or family events.
My son's self esteem improved when he did work experience at a camera and print store (as part of his school work). He also became a new person when I took him to see a live performance of comedian Noel Fielding. The crowd was mostly in their 20s and 30s and he just seemed so much more at ease in that crowd. He felt sick all the way there in the car, but as he really wanted to go, he pushed through and then felt fine. Are there things your daughter might really wants to see?

I don't have much other advice, as we still struggle with this too. Never give up....it is very slow...but we can only be there for them.ican't remember if your daughter is on medication?
Take care
Linda