Sadly,no, in Bristol a lot of areas are completely oversubscribed and any secondary schools within 4 miles of here are catchment only. I am looking around Steiner next week

Hi again Clare

I was just wondering how you were coping on the rocky road at the moment? Are you hanging in there?
I was just thinking about the secondary school and what they could do for you and was wondering if they would perhaps let your daughter met any other new children who have some slower learning issues? Surely your daughter won't be there only ine starting secondary with such an issue? That way she would know someone especially on her first day/ week.mincsn imagine how draughtiness it would be to start a new secondary school when you know no-one.

As your summer break is coming up fast I guess you'd have to get in touch with the school as soon as you can and see if your daughter can meet up with someone. Even someone in an older year would be bet than no one.

At my son's secondary school they had a get together for students and parents for those who knew no-one or were new to the area etc. parents were then taken off for an afternoon tea whilst teachers helped the kids get to know each other. Mind you.....we were also invited to this despite my son knowing some kids as I had told them about his anxiety, but I couldn't get my son to go. He refused a few things such as the maths testing day as well but he actually started the first few weeks off ok and I think that was because although his best friends did not go, he did know some other kids. Your daughter would be terrified of what To do, where to sit, who to hang out with at lunch time and what will happen if she doesn't have anyone to hang out with etc. hopefully thee school can help out with a connection for your daughter, certainly worth a try.
Good,luck!
Linda

Hi Clare

We must have been posting at the same time. I also did not believe in sending my son to a paying school but when he could no longer keep going to his first secondary school, I decided that if I could afford it and it looked like working or my son liked it, then I'd nd him. There comes a time when one's own philosophy goes out the window. We actually visited w 7th day Adventist school that had w lovely pastoral approach but my son said he didn't feel comfortable with the kids he saw there. So his second school was again a government school but much smaller he just slipped through the welfare system at th first school of 1500 kids.
It is tough for you and I can sense your despair.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will begin to see glimpses of that along the way. No matter how small the steps are...all steps are good. Give your daughter some reassurance about things outside of school right now if you can.
Take care
Linda

Let us know how y go with the Steiner school. How big is the school? I did consider sending my son to Steiner but in th end he said he didn't want to go there as he knew no one. He did try one day at s community school and just doing that one day....I was so proud of him...but he didn't like the unstructured way things ran...he preferred more routine. So I know it is really hard for you when faced with what comes next ....and you may find the road ahead has many curves and bumps but my philosophy these days is that as long as there is a road and my son is somewhere on it...thrn that is ok.
Hear form you soon
Linda

Hello Claire.

My daughter is 15 now & missed 4 months of school earlier this year. Like your daughter, she was in a secondary school of 1500 children and found it daunting, though she seemed to be coping. The crunch came when they started GCSE options, she separated from her friends and was then subjected to low-level bullying. After that she developed really acute anxiety and stopped attending completely.

She now seems fine, having moved to a small private school which is very nurturing. Like you, I did not feel entirely comfortable with paying for education, but the change in her has been remarkable and I think her academic results will be fine ( definitely not the case had she stayed where she was).

Average class size is 10, the teachers can see what is going on and there are 500 children in the whole school (infants through to seniors). It's calm, structured and has a friendly, family feel, just what she needed. She's regained confidence and made friends already & to be honest, I wish I'd put her into this school from year 7.

So I would say don't hesitate to go down the private route, provided you can find a school that will suit your daughter's temperament.

I did seek help for the anxiety as well and it did help, however I think that will be a long term process.

All the best.

Thats great, so pleased your daughter has started to enjoy school again. Emily started Secondary on Thursday, first day went really well, a slght blip on Friday but she went off ok again today.
I just need to learn to stop living on my nerves!!!!

me again......please can someone advise if their child has had days when everything is ok, then for no reason the next is not. Had to take her in today again, so sad. I just don't understand why some days she is fine and other she is not.
It breaks my heart and is causing strife amongst the whole family

hi Clare

I hear your frustration and I know exactly what you are describing. my son used to be the same. Every week I would hope he'd just get used to going. There seems to be so many factors at play that cause these blips, from what is taught that day, if a teacher is away, if a project is due, a test, an expectition to do something in a group, a class presentation and so forth. I didn't always know till afterwards as he used to not tell me until later. But on other occasions, it was just that he woke up not feeling able to tackle th challenge. As he explained later, every day was a challenge and sometimes he just couldn't face it and other days he could. The main thing was he couldn't help it and it was not a behaviour issue.

It must be hard for your family members to know how to react or accept. Remember, education isn't everything, your daughter's mental health and happiness comes first. Can you perhaps do more family things that don't involve school or mention of it?
Sorry I don't have th answers but this sounds typical of school refusal. Hang in there, and make sure you do some things just for yourself to stay strong...there is always new doors opening and help out there somewhere.
Linda