Hi Theresa

I think Virginia is right, check out what options you may have with the college. Some colleges may have different rules depending on your circumstances. Make sure the college know the mental health issues for your daughter and that you are not just a home schooling parent looking for supplementary subjects/courses. They may look upon the situation mor favourably if it comes from a health reason.

How is the home schooling going? Are you providing the work and being in the role of teacher or are you just supervising?
Does your daughter have good self discipline for this or is it a work in progress? Is your daughter socialsing much outside of family?
What are the positives and negatives of the home schooling for you?

Would love to hear back from you and how things are going.
Take care
Linda

Hi haven't replied for a while.I didn't really do much with the homeschooling just had to deschool really as she wasn't cooperating.
She started at a College this week but it has been very stressful she really doesn't see herself as having to comply or attend if she doesn't want to.This attitude has really been compounded by various professionals over the last two years who have drifted in and out and provided no support.She sees that she has been able to send them on their way while she continues to refuse education.I am at my wits end today tried for over two hours to get her up but she has refused to go in.She is asleep now supposedly can't go in because she has blisters but these will have recovered in time for her to go around the streets later with her dubious friends.I will then about 11pm have to spend a couple of hours trying g to get her in.She will then come in and keep the whole household awake as she won't be tired having slept all day.I will eventually fall into an exhausted sleep and snatch a couple of hours before the whole circus will start again.Struggling with depression and exhaustion but she won't be bothered because she knows that she can never get into trouble for these behaviours but we can.Sorry for the rant just feel very low and alone.

hi Theresa

I am so sorry you are feeling so low. Sounds like things are pretty tough at the moment and not much moving forward for you.
How old is your daughter now? Does she know anyone at th college? it is interesting that she goes out with friends. Do you think therefore it is depression that takes over rather than anxiety? If she had high anxiety, would she be able to go out with friends...
This must make it even more frustrating for you.

I'm waiting for some maturity to kick in with my son and it might be the same for your daughter. They don't seem able to help themselves or become self disciplined until mature enough.I'm still waiting and my son is 16! As girls mature quicker than boys you might have that on your side, hopefully.

Our psychiatrist has said to basically stop worrying about the education side of things as that can come later, and my son needs to work in building his self esteem as the school work won't happen without that. On the one hand I think that sounds ok, and takes some pressure off, but in the ither hand, like yourself I would imagine, we worry about 'what if they never become motivated?' Or 'what if they go off the rails?'
So like you, I tear my hair out, trying to get my son up in a morning just to do his work on-line. He has rarely been up before lunch and then spends lots of avoidance time....shower...hair..etc and doesn't get started till 2pm! Once they get their sleep patterns out of kilter, they just don't seem to want to change, do they. Your daughter sounds similar but you have the added problem of trying to get her out of the house and to college. Don't ever feel alone....there are lots of us out here and yiu can rant as much as you like as we understand.
As Simon always said on the forum, make sure you document everything so that if you do get questioned about attendance or amount of work done, you have the details of the efforts you have put in. Maybe step back a bit if you can, just to save yourself a bit and remain strong.You are faced with teenage issues and anxiety/depression school refusal issues....it's a lot to face as a parent, so not surprising you feel at your wits end. hang in there....something will shift, or your daughter will accept further help or she'll mature .....
Take care and stay in touch....here to listen any time 😊
Linda

Hi havnt been on here for a while.Your son Linda seems to have some of the same behaviours as my daughter.She is still not attending College-I had asked for an EHC plan to be considered but I don't think it will happen and I have called in Post Adoption support but I don't think they can help much on the educational side.She is saying now that she doesn't want to go to College because she is in the bottom sets!We don't have any other schools available that are near enough.She wouldn 't get up to go to a school either if she had to be up early.We may need to decide to home educate again because nothing else is on offer.Those of you who home educate do you have to home educate during school hours or can it be hours to suit ourselves?Hope the new term is going well for others.

Hi Theresa

Sorry to hear things havn't moved forward for you. What do you think the main issue is with your daughter? Your gut feeling? Will she do the work at home? If so, then I'd go for the homeschooling. Here you have to register and I presume it is the same where you are? But if you had deschooled then perhaps that is what you have done already.

As for time. As long as they get the work done, you can work to your own time. However, having observed my son....it is really important to build a routine and make sure your daughter works with you to agree on a reasonable time to start, such as 11am no later. I did try to keep my son to this but due to his depression he lacked all motivation and his average start work time for the last few weeks has been 3pm! And then he gives up. I desperately try to get him out of bed but his avoidance behaviour has got worse since stopping school.

Work out a timetable with your daughter as she needs to factor in breaks. Self discipline and organisation are the keys...and my son struggled with both. But not all kids do. With home schooling, you will have more input in the work and teaching I presume?
Girls generally seem more organised so your daughter might find it easier to stick with this. And she might be relieved.

I may have said before but her going out with friends can be seen as a positive despite the frustration. She needs to keep her friends. This will help her self esteem and provide her with the social skills she misses out on by not being at school.
So hang in there, you are doing all you can.....as parents we do our absolute best and have to recognise when the direction we are pushing in isn't working.
I fluctuate from despair to calm....and I am sure you do too. remember to practise Mindfulness in everyday situations, it allows us to lift above the immediate frustration. I am also enjoying my veggie patch (although you are heading towards winter) and I do my art. Find something if you haven't already, just for you.
Let us know how the home schooling progresses and feel free to vent your frustration on here and share with those who know just how you are feeling.
Linda