Please feel free to join our School Refuser message forum discussions. If you have experience of school refusing, you may find it appropriate to respond to previous posts. Or you may be feeling isolated and wish to express your feelings. Whatever, your contribtions are welocme.
My daughter has been refusing school part-time since she was five. She's now 14. She was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder which stops her being able to leave the house. She only goes to school around 70% of the time, sometimes dropping to 50%. We're now facing a situation where she won't pass any exams. My frustration is that she is not missing school by choice - on anxiety attack days she can't leave the house. I've spent many hours with therapists and doctors learning techniques to get her out the house, and nothing works for more than a few weeks at a time. Yet neither the school or council will offer any help to get her there. Because she has no learning or behavioural needs at school, she can't qualify for a statement, which might trigger more help. Because she has medical needs, the education welfare office is not chasing her attendance. So she's at home, alone, no schooling or friends, with the prospect of this going on for another four years. I can't believe that there is no help for her. Has anyone with a similar experience had any luck finding resources? I've now contacted an education rights lawyer who says the council must offer full access to education for children with medical rights, but in practice, the council say 'we have no resources to do this'.
I know just hiw you feel. Highly stressful, isn!t it.....and very frustrationg. the school does have a legal responsibility to provide work.. If you havn't already, try talking directly with the school principal and reminding them of that responsibility. You also mention a medical condition, even more reason to be able to receive work at home.
What about your local member of parliament? Someone on this forum found that very helpful some time back. I am assuming you are in the UK?
Parent Partnership Uk which has now changed its name to something else also helped some on the forum.
http://www.iassnetwork.org.uk
They can offen point you in the right direction or lend a sympathetic ear.
Don't despair and make sure your daighter knows you are going to do all you can to find a way for her to move forward and feel better. Let her know that others do find their way forward. And small steps are all good. If she can try and get out of the house and even go for a drive with you, that is better than avoiding the world outside altogether. Friends can come later...it is not the end of the world if she doesn't have them right now but it is good if you can still get her to interact with other people or family in small doses.
Have you thought about medication? . My son is now on his second medication type as the first did not really do anything He also went through a stage of not getting out of the house at all either. He did move through that as I kept him taking small steps to engage with others or go outside even briefly. He tried going to school more but it just never quite worked for him and luckily they just kept letting him go up a class as he managed to complete the minimum in most subjects.
He is now at a place where they also take mature age students to do the final years of school. I know you don't have that in the UK but there are more options for you at 16 than 14 as far as I understand ( and over the years By being on here I learnt more about the UK system than my own!). My son has turned a corner and is attending, doing the work, and even...travelling there on the train!, When my son was 14 I never dreamt he'd be doing this. Your daughter will take those steps forward but it will take time. School does not have to be in a straight line. and not all education comes from school.
Give your daughter lots of hugs, even of she doesn't want them as she is probsbly feeling pretty awful inside right now.
Its tough on you, so don't forget to do things just for you....as it can take over your life!
Let us know how things are. Come on here any time and off load if you need to. You are a good mum and doing all you can in very trying circumstances.
Linda xx