Hello All

My 12 year old son suddenly started having panic attacks at school and this has consequently turned into school refusal. He saw one psychologist for 5 sessions who was hopeless and let the situation get worse. Now he is seeing someone else but had a panic attack in his office. The biggest problem is that he won't get up and he refuses to talk about the problem. The psychologist had me take him to the school and sit in the car outside which he did and was really happy to do that but the second session he was supposed to go into the school but he slept in that day till 5.00 pm, he just couldn't face it. If I try to force him to get up he cries. Just now I tried to get him up telling "he can do it" but he put his hands over his ears.

Anyone with any ideas of how we can get him up would be appreciated. We feel as if we're bad parents that our child won't talk to us. We need to get the doctors to come to the house but our GP said its out of the question. What can we do? Has anyone got any ideas?

Thanks

Fi

Hi! I am quite new to this site, I only came on here in June. If you read the post below yours, (15 year old son out of school nearly a year) you will be able to see the problems I've had and this leads to why I am replying to you. My son was 12 when his panic attacks started, the past 3 years have difficult, but it seems that after a long battle since my son stopped going to school last October we may be finding some answers as to why his anxiety got so bad. We had an appointment with Cahms this week, firstly to arrange for medication to start, and also a specialist met my son and did a short assessment for Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Asperers and ADHD. At the end of the assessment she could see some signs of ASD and maybe ADHD and he is going to have another more in depth appointment with a consultant to be more definite. These could be the reasons for his anxiety at School that resulted in him not being able to go at all.

Has your son ever struggled in School when he was younger? My son was a very hyperactive boy when he was younger and I was always called by the teacher at end of School , he was sent for an assessment at about 6 years old for ADHD but but nothing came of it. But he was always in trouble for not concentrating in class and not getting on with his work.

When my son started getting panic attacks at 12 there were a series of family upsets at that time and we put it down to that. But he still had the same problems in class, being told off for not concentrating and getting on with his work.

Your son is young enough to find out if there is an underlying problem to his panic attacks and get help. I feel relieved and so does my son that at last there is help to determine what caused his anxiety and get help.

Hope this helps

Hi Fi

Glad you found the site. Although it can be quiet at times, everyone on here can empathise with you situation.
Tracy has some good points. Have you had an assessment from camhs? What is your gut feeling?
I don't have any miracle answers but just from my own experience I know that accepting that my son had a mental health issue was the first step in taking small steps for both of us. The trauma of the mornings...the tears...the fear...can be pretty awful for all involved, as you know. Often there is no specific reason for their fear, it is just an overwhelming feeling they get and schools are the worst places when you are having a panic attack!

Do consider medication as it has certainly helped my son. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries before you find the right one.
A psychologist or counsellor who does not blame either your son or you is also vital. This is not a behaviour issue.
You are not a bad parent at all. You are trying to parent in difficult circumstances. Embrace your son where he is now and let him know that you are doing all you can to help him and you know that he cannot help how he feels and to not feel alone as there are lots of kids out there going through this. He is probsbly really scared about what is happening to him.
Cognitive behaviour therapy is also good. For my son, the medication has taken th edge off the fear so that he has been able to push through many of the barriers and challenge his negative thoughts.
Also try and push the school to provide work for your son. They are supposed to provide work and in some cases even a tutor if there are health reasons whether physical or mental.
Hang in there...and do some things just for you as you need all the strength you can. You are not alone.
Take care 😊
Linda

Thank you Tracy and linda. It really helps to have some support. I am actually in Australia so haven't heard of camhs. I am not ruling out the medication route but he is seeing a psychologist first to see if he can find out whats wrong. We have just had an appointment with a pediatrcian as well.Hes a wonderful boy, it feels so bad to see him suffering.

Hi Fi

I am in Australia too. I have just been on this forum so long that I know more about the UK system! I now oversee the forum.
If you want to reply to my email directly I might be able to offer help re where to find support in Australia. My sin is now 17 so we have had a long journey and found various help along the way.
Linda