school refusers


a resource for parents 


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School Refusal
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Hopeless and worried

My son is 11 next month and is very anxious about school. He has missed the last 3 days. I struggle with anxiety and low mood myself and I hate to see him being so anxious about school. I've sought help from social services, CAMHS, barnardos and a few others. He displays on the ASD but no one really takes any notice of me.

I've had to give up my job as he's so unpredictable. He won't go anywhere unless it's on his terms so the 6 wks holidays were interesting.

I feel like I need support myself to be able to support him. I've shouted at him this morning just out of pure frustration, sadness, anger.

He's due to go to high school next year and I'm absolutely dreading it already 😩

Re: Hopeless and worried

Hi Andrea

Sorry I missed your post initially. Feeling anxious about your son is pretty normal. Sounds like my son at that age too. It is worrying and sadly I think when they are that bit younger, others don't take it seriously enough. It is so draining, isn't it.

CAMHS should be able to assist in getting a diagnosis as well as offering support but if they don't offer anything futther, perhaps go to your doctor and ask advice regarding support. Your son's behaviour may be a result of the ASD or his anxiety and wanting to control the situation. Some behaviour crosses over. Have you tried contacting the group that used to be called Parent Partnership? Check the resources section on this website or do a google search. They have helped others on the forum previously.

I still yell at my son...and he does still go through patches of not being able to attend but there is light at the end of the tunnel and things really have improved for my son. I did have a big turning point several years ago when I decided to embrace my son where he was and accept he had a mental health issue and that I also had to start taking more time for myself to stay strong. Reassuring my son that I would do all I could to help him was helpful too. Also changing my mindset about schooling being in a straight line helps. The main thing is to build back that self esteem that gets lost in the school system. Is there something your son is interested in that you can use to build his confidence? Can you do some home schooling to keep him in the education loop?

As for starting high school. I remember that time back then really well and like you, I was pretty worried about it. My son actually started high school well but then struggled with the large school and I found little support. Everyone has a different experience and your son might be fine but preparation beforehand is wise. So I'd do the confidence building and doing something for yourself - a hobby perhaps to keep your strength and some positives happening around your son. It is easy for negatives to take over.

You are a good mum and don't let anyone point the blame finger...it means they have no idea what you go through. Everyone on here understands. Come on here any time you feel overwhelmed, I usually check regularly and others also do come on and pop by. Let us know how things go. Small steps are all good.
Take care
Linda

Re: Hopeless and worried

Hi Andrea

Just wondering how you are going out there and if your son is still finding it really difficult?
Hang in there and know that there will be some support along the road and that not all education needs to be in a straight line.
Take care and have a good christmas,
Linda