school refusers


a resource for parents 


Please feel free to join our School Refuser message forum discussions. If you have experience of school refusing, you may find it appropriate to respond to previous posts.  Or you may be feeling isolated and wish to express your feelings.  Whatever, your contribtions are welocme. 

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School Refusal
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Re: I just don't like it!!

Oh, Stephanie! 'The system' seems to get us into a loop from which there is no exit. You have obviously been facing this issue for some time if CAMHS are involved, but it might be worthwhile my re-visiting some of my tips for survival.

You need to keep a record of all meetings, recording who agreed to do what, and noting outcomes from previous meetings. As time goes by, it becomes difficult to recall all the facts, missed deadlines, broken promises, etc. I wish I had made a note of the number of times we were asked to say what the problem was, and repeat past history without actually getting to an action plan.

You also need to record details of particularly difficult days showing how you coped with the situation. You son should do the same. My daughter recorded her bad days pictorially, and very powerful they were, too.

All this helps with future negotiations.

I mention this because it is not true that your son has to attend school in order for them to give you the help you both need and deserve. Whilst it is true that you have to ensure that your child receives an education, it is also true that your Council has to provide an education for your child. This does not have to be in the local school classroom. Local Authorities do not like this because there are budget constraints, but Councils have special education facilities and can provide tutoring (this used to be in the tutor's home, but because of issues around security, this is more difficult to arrange).

Sadly, there is no magic wand. I found it difficult to talk to friends about our issues, mostly because they just could not understand, but it was good to come here for a rant! Sometimes, it was good to talk tactics before a meeting.

Our daughter, now 25, is talking of going to London to work (it is a temporary re-location). That was just unthinkable 2-3 years ago. So, it has been a long haul. And lights and tunnels seem to feature in our lives quite a lot!

Yours aye,

Simon