school refusers


a resource for parents 


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School Refusal
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Back to square one!!!

Here we go again Monday morning and trying to get 12 year old son into school. His refusing to get dressed and get out of bed. I've had this routine for nearly a year now .... I'm tired of it. His been to a unit which help him with a sensitive issue which they have done as much as they could do. Only got released on Friday. So I feel back to square one again. There I was thinking 2017 was going to be positive. He says I'll go in tomorrow but he just doesn't see the impact that this is having on his education. Feeling very frustrated

Re: Back to square one!!!

I can feel your frustration! And some anger?

I also have the feeling that this is impacting on your life. All feelings I recognise only too well even though our daughter left school 8 years ago.

Is this the same school as before? Something he is familiar with? Or a new one?

If I am reading this correctly, he attended the 'unit' successfully, so it is the school rather than just leaving home that is the issue? Is it too big? Too impersonal? Too threatening?

I am sure that you have been through all the options already, but are you both keeping a diary? My daughter kept a pictorial one which was sometimes very deep and dark. But it helped her explore her feelings and we could see changes. For ourselves, it helped us remember the sequence of events which, as the years rolled by, all became a bit blurred and merged.

This is the place to come and have a rant as we understand some of the frstrations involved.

Yours aye,

Simon

Re: Back to square one!!!

Do you think you might get him there at all this week? My son sometimes would have to wait till the next Monday rolled around as he reasoned that by then the other kids might have forgotten he'd been away (with weekend in the middle). He hated them asking him why he'd been absent.
Is CAMHS being helpful?
You are a good parent and doing all you can and you are not alone. As Simon mentioned, you can come in here any time and offload...everyone understands. It is a roller coaster ride but there is support out there, although not always easy to access. The school will have to start providing work or tutor if your son continues to be absent (see my recent posts on this for others).
Hang in there....hope small steps start to happen and you can at least try and enjoy some things outside of mentioning school. When I look back, I wish I had not been quite so focused on school...it added to the tension. But you start to feel pressure from all sides. Not sure I could have done it differently but I know if the school had have supported me and my son more, we would have both felt more positive about breaking through the barriers. Thre is light at the end of the tunnel. Simon's daugher got through...my son starts his final year this year....others on here have had turn arounds at the end with the anxiety being managed very well. So all our kids have a common fear but they all deal with the barriers and management differently. Medication also might become an option for you if it continues?
Ok...best of luck...maybe Monday nexf week might happen. Fingers crossed for you.
Linda