Kelly,

Are you keeping a diary? Do you take a notebook with you when you go to appointments?

I ask this because there comes a point where everything becomes a blur and it is difficult to recall who said what to whom and when. When we are under stress - and who isn't in these circumstances? - it is important to be able to appear to be in control and on top of things.

The threat of court sits over us, but it seldom comes to that if we can demonstrateshow that we have done the best possible for our children. But if it did come to that, then you will need your records.

For us, the school worked hard to stop things escalating, but I sometimes wonder if we should have allowed that because then the 'authorities' would have had to demonstrate what they had done for our daughter. 'Not a lot' might have been the answer!

Keeping a record might seem like one more thing on top of an already hectic life, but it also has the advantage of recording the road back from the darkest moments, because there is a road back.

Yours aye,

Simon

Hi everyone,
Hope you are all well.
Thank you Linda,that's a very good point,i do need to think about myself and do something for me.
A trip to the docs might be an idea too.i've lost 4 stone in a little over 6 months and I feel i have no appetite.
I'm putting it down to stress but I'm not sure that's what it is.If I'm honest with myself I haven't been eating that well for a while so think that's why.My mood does feel low a lot of the time too,a little something might help just lift me up.Very easy to forget about yourself hey!!

Hi Simon,
Thank you for you're reply.
Great advice on writing everything down.
I got a letter last week saying i'm on fast track so need a meeting at the school,with attendance and my son as his attendance is very unsatisfactory.It says if it doesn't improve then I could face a fine in court upto £2,500 and/or up to 3 months in prison!!
In need to go back and try remember as much as I can,write it down,incase things get brought up in this meeting.You are spot on when you say about things becoming a blur,and when asked on the spot,can put the pressure on to find the answer that you can't remember!!
I think you're idea is great and I will definitely be doing this.Thank you again.

Kelly.

Hi Kelly

I think stress either makes you loose or put on weight! But do look after yourself and even ask the doctor for some advice.
We end up getting so concerned about our kids that we forget ourselves but we are the ones that have to remain strong for the journey.

Stay strong for the meeting - and with all the notes written down, as Simon wisely suggests, you will have some reference but also you can at any stage during the meeting refer and read out some of your observations and actions to assist your son. And remember, as Simon says, it rarely goes to court. And you can always throw back at them the case that got thrown out of court by the judge a few years ago in the UK, and the school asked to pay costs as it was a clear school refusal - i.e. mental health case - and not truancy.

Let us know how you go. I had many meetings over the years the best and only one that worked in my favour was when I dressed up - took a folder under my arm and walked in and asked what they were going to do for my son. They were quite taken aback. Previously I had been made to feel like a bad mother, I felt so small and helpless and they just threw the blame at me. I think our appearance when we walk into the meeting can change the direction the meeting takes. So not matter how bad you feel on the inside - look like you know what you are doing and you need them to deliver - as in - what are they going to provide for you son whilst his mental health is this way. And don't be afraid to stress ' mental health'. It is not a behaviour issue.
All the best and take care
Linda

You took the words from my keyboard, Linda!

Can you recall the details of that court case? It might be good for me to reference it as a resource, or something.

S