Hi Andrea

Can you find some counselling for him? Seeing a psychologist or counsellor and working with Cognitive Beahaviour therapy does work. I'm not saying its a cure - but it is part of the on-going management process. Right now your son feeling ill is quite real. My son's anxiety also made him feel physically sick. It was hard to know when the line of actually feeling sick extended into 'prolonging' to avoid - but it was definitely there. If you can start to give your son some confidence and someone to talk this through with - his self esteem might not go down too much. The main issue seemed to be with my son - and many on here - that once it is left too long - it is very hard to bring that self confidence back up.
They don't know what is happening to them either and everyone on their case just makes them want to close up even more. My son has seen many psychologists and psychiatrists over the years and there were times when he refused to see them, even when they came to the house (like the teacher did). But overall - he had many sessions - and there were some good steps forward from that.

It is great that the teacher came to the house. Has the school referred you to CAHMS - or are they waiting to see what happens? The other thing to try not to let go on to long - is getting behind in school work. I think I mentioned previously how getting work sent home is important so that your son doesn't feel left behind.
Do you know if there were some expectations on him that stopped him continuing to go? Are all his teachers aware of the situation. If you can try and get all his teachers to know that he is not 'putting this on' and it is not behaviour but he is suffering severe anxiety - and ask that they keep this in mind when asking him to interact in any way in the classroom or set tasks. Over the years my son did manage to get through each year because one or two teachers did make allowances and if he had to give a talk, for instance, they arranged he just give it to them or a very small group.
Not all teachers will understand - but some might and will make it that bit easier.

Have you considered any on-line schooling. Medication? Have you checked out Red Bubble and see what they have to offer?
It is terribly draining - I know that feeling well. Hang in there - things don't stay the same. There is always something round the corner. Small tiny steps are all good - so just work on those small steps at this stage and not the big school thing. And do something for yourself. Make sure you son knows he is not alone - there are others out there who feel the same and he will learn to manage it.
Take care and come on here any time.
Linda xx