school refusers


a resource for parents 


Please feel free to join our School Refuser message forum discussions. If you have experience of school refusing, you may find it appropriate to respond to previous posts.  Or you may be feeling isolated and wish to express your feelings.  Whatever, your contribtions are welocme. 

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School Refusal
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Re: Spiralling down again

Hi Julie

Thank you for asking : )
I do hope my words help people - it is the least I can do and try and ease each person's journey.

We are still in limbo but I can say that my son is in a much happier place than he was at the start of the year when he pulled out of school. It has taken him months to build his self esteem. I think our kids have to find their own way eventually and with the skills to learn to manage their anxiety such as CBT, Mindfulness and/or medication and other techniques, they will be able to move forward.
I think he is finally feeling more normal. My gut feeling was that this year off was going to be a year of finding who he was again and getting over 10 years of horrible school refusal. Neither of us could have done another year of that. He says he will try his final year of schooling, but if it doesn't work out - then so be it. He has tried hard to get this far and has passed each year despite such poor attendance.

I think the professionals need to deal with the anxiety and why it is happening and stop focusing on the school refusal as the issue. That is a result of the anxiety, not necessarily the cause. It can be, however, if bullying is present, or a particular incident sets them back. It also feeds into the anxiety because you have to perform, be up with your peers, be asked questions, be around loud noise, crowds...all things that people with anxiety avoid. Get rid of the anxiety...and perhaps the road would be smoother. That is why I do believe strongly in building up self esteem outside of school - just don't focus on school all the time and get professional help that deals with anxiety.
In all our dealings with professionals - it is only now that self esteem has been brought up. Not being able to get to school plummets our kids into depths that consume them and they can't find a way out. They know they are not being like other kids...they know mum and dad are frustrated or angry...they know their friends think they don't care about them...they feel the world is angry with them....and that makes it so much worse. Helping them to feel ok about themselves is very important to balance this out.

Sorry - raved on again!! Hope you find something that works too Julie and that your daughter starts to feel more confident in things outside of school as well.
All the best,
Linda

Re: Spiralling down again

Hi Linda,

I had no idea you have had a 10 year journey. Well done to you both!!! I had been reading some of your passed posts.

You are totally right about the anxiety, it is crippling our children. If a child had two broken legs would the professionals make them walk on them?? Much more is needed to support our children and families in crisis.

Pleasing to hear our children can make us proud even if the path is not straight forward.

I'm sure with your great support as a Mum he will continue to grow in self esteem and confidence.

I can only imagine how close you two must be. Sending love to you both xxxx

Re: Spiralling down again

Thanks Julie,
Sending love and thoughts to you too xx
Linda