Thanks for your advice and for replying. It’s nice to know I’m not alone x

Hi Sara

Does he not have friends due to not attending school or possible autism spectrum? Has he had an assessment for CAMHS? Does he need extra support perhaps whilst at school? Not having friends is a huge issue for kids attending school. It must be awful for your son, so not surprising he does not want to attend.
Does he play on-line games? My son went through one of his long patches of not attending, isolated from friends, but he made some new friends on line. He never spoke with them, he just typed in messages during the game playing and they did the same. Initially I was unsure as I did not know these young people but I think they were in a similar situation and they supported each other and it got my son through an otherwise friendless time. The game they played was called Team Fortress. He did also at possibly your son's age connect with others through Minecraft. They can be anonymous on any of these and that helps them remain connected to other people. I used to be against computer games but I have changed my mind.
One thing perhaps to keep in mind though, is playing games when they should be in bed as they feel less anxious...can flip their time clock and then its pretty hard to turn around. it can also block out attempts to deal with anxious thoughts. So specific time away from technology is vital.
Perhaps read up about cognitive behaviour therapy yourself and see if you can implement some of this when talking things through with your son and getting him to change how he thinks. It takes some maturity but my son did take some on board at your son's age.


Let us know how you are going and come on here any time and let out your frustrations or ask for help.
Take care,
Linda xx

Hi Sara and Julie

How have things gone in the last few weeks?
Linda

Thanks Linda for your concern. Things are getting worse. Went to school last week for 2 hours 😩

Hi Sara,
I am so sorry to hear this. Must be so stressful for you. I know that feeling well!
I am still a firm believer that one has to deal with the anxiety as an issue and build self esteem and confidence that will help them to take steps forward. If school is continuously out in the equation, they continue to react against it. Some recent research, however, has found that medication (in this case it was prozac) combined with one on one cognitive behaviour therapy, gets many kids back to school.
Perhaps you might consider medication? And can the school provide or recommend someone for cognitive behaviour therapy?
Do you suspect your son might be on the autism scale? In which case, does the school also have some ideas?

Meanwhile....don't let it spiral you and your son down. Find some ways outside of school to make him feel he is ok and can give him some confidence. If he is interested in something,perhaps pursue that as a source of learning as well as building self esteem.
I think I have mentioned in previous posts things to do at home.
If your son has no friends at school, then could this be a big part of not wanting to be there? Can the school come up with some kind of way of getting him and any other kids in similar positions (there is always more than one) to get to know each other better?

Come on here any time if you have questions or advice, as myself, Simon or someone else might have ideas to help you through.
There is no one answer but I do know that the main thing is not to feel judged and let others make you feel guilty that your son is not getting to school. Maybe talk to the doctor and about prozac. We didn't get onto the right medicatin soon enough.
The research I mention was done by Monash University in Australia. You can search on line or there might be a link in the Blog section or resource section of the website here, if you wanted to pass the info on to the doctor.
All the best and do something nice just for you today ...
Linda

Hi Sara (and Julie),

Have you managed to get some more support?
Can you organise a counsellor or psychologist, to deal with the anxiety and building self esteem back up?
What i have learnt on our long journey is that the previous psychologists should have been focusing on the anxiety and not just school refusal because by focusing just on school my son, and I am sure many school refusers, start to feel they have 'failed' and are not normal.
Keeping some kind of learning or education going is important but school isn't everything, but our child's self worth and acceptance in this world is.
Take care,
Linda xx