school refusers

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School Refusal
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My son has refused school for 3 months I’m at a loss

Any advice would be so gratefully received....nobody I know has experienced this and I’m so worried. After a year at my sons non chosen secondary school his name came up on the waiting list for his chosen catchment school. He wanted to go he knew he’d be the new boy again but went ahead. He had previously not enjoyed his last school and a few times came back from the bus stop but overall was manageable and seemed ok to a point but banged on about the chosen school, where he thought he’d be happier.
Turns out a term into the school after Christmas he stopped going . On the morning of the first day of term he refused, he didn’t say he was ill just he wasn’t going. Three months in and it’s the same. He sleeps all day ...I try to wake him but it makes him angry and says he’s tired, and in the evening plays online with a friend from school whom he’s known since age 2. I’ve tried taking it away for week, but just plunges him further into his bedsheets.hes awaiting an appointment with mental health and well-being team , I take him to the doctors regularly also. School are up for anything to get him back. But he doesn’t know what he wants and dosnt know what’s wrong. He cries and is low. But can laugh and joke. But finds it difficult to express himself.
Has anybody got any similar experience or advice ijust feel so sad and worried what the future holds, his 13.
Thank you

Re: My son has refused school for 3 months I’m at a loss

Hi Carly

Sorry you find yourself in this awful situation too - my son is a school refuser and we get very little help. My son stopped going to school in October (Year 7) and has not been back. We have changed school and pretty much done everything possible. We have an appointment with CAMHS in April but have waited about 8 weeks. I wish I could wave my magic wand and everything be okay its a horrible feeling and I constantly feel like a crap mother. My son is very similar I have to force him out of bed, he is constantly tired, feels ill, looks pale, we joined a gym to try to get some exercise but he has begun refusing to go to that!! I am hoping CAMHS will help but I fear its going to be a long haul and I have resigned myself that he might not go back to school but if I can get some help with tutoring that would be okay. I take everyday as it comes now and am trying to get some sort of routine with school work at home (my older daughter sets his work). The doctor would not give him medication as said its not a medication issue!! I can't believe there is such little help for what seems to be a relatively common problem. My son plays on his Xbox every night as it is his only communication with is friends (they do occasionally come over but everybody is so busy) - we actually encourage him in the evening for a couple of hours so he is keeping up these friendships. Try not to be too hard on yourself, take every day as it comes - I have good days and bad days. I have decided he may never go back and if he does he may need to resit a year but it doesn't matter right now I just need to get him well again. Susan

Re: My son has refused school for 3 months I’m at a loss

Hi Susan
Thanks so much for replying I do appreciate it, I’m sorry too you ar3 in this situation.
I think it’s the social side of school I worry about him missing out on and transitions into any further education or work .
He pretty much refuses to do much school work the school sent stuff but he seems to lack confidence in his ability.
Like you I just want him happy whatever that may take’s soooo hard isn’t it and the strain on the family is big. I just feel so sorry for him really and I’m powerless , as a parent the most frustrating thing.
I agree there isn’t a lot out there in terms of immediate help and I’m sceptical of wits to come .
Thanks again
Take care

Re: My son has refused school for 3 months I’m at a loss

Hi Carly,
How have things gone since you last posted? Are you stil finding it quite difficult to work through with your son or have you managed to take some steps forward? Such a rocky road, isn't it. And draining!
I do hope you have found some help for your son and he is willing to accept help. Let us know how you are.
Take care,