school refusers


a resource for parents 


Please feel free to join our School Refuser message forum discussions. If you have experience of school refusing, you may find it appropriate to respond to previous posts.  Or you may be feeling isolated and wish to express your feelings.  Whatever, your contribtions are welocme. 

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School Refusal
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Re: School refusal

Hi Leanne,

So sorry to hear how things are with your son. It's so tough when they just won't face going in and so very stressful for you both.

Are you able to get any outside support at any stage? Has he seen a doctor? Any thought on medication?
CBT therapy? On-line CBT therapy (I have forgotten how you access this but might be in the resource list on the website).

The main thing I found was trying to get my son to keep up with the work when he wasn't at school. The teachers had this idea if you send work home they never go in. But if they never go in anyway - what's to loose. So hopefully your teachers are not like that and you might be able to organise some work to be sent home so that he does not fall behind. Explain to them that if he falls behind, he will feel less like attending. Would they be willing to organise tutoring at home in Maths and English? Depending on where you are - this might be something they or you can do.

Try to keep up some positive activities outside of the home and keep the door open for your son to talk to you.
Looking back on my own experience ( and we are not out of the woods by any means), I would have hoped to have set up a program that allowed my son to keep breaking down the walls he was building. Starting small and then building up to school. But we didn't have much support so it becomes more of a habit and lifestyle not to break through the barriers and get to school.
Maintaining self esteem outside of school is important. Does your son play guitar or play a sport or do anything that is developing a skill? Does he interact with others on-line playing games? This is all helpful to keep that level of confidence.

There is no one answer for this but just know, like Simon says, you are not alone. We are here to listen and to help when we can. Its a difficult road but how others have managed is always help.
I hope something I have said is of some help but I agree very much with what Simon also referred to and that is your own health. Take up a hobby, go out with friends, have a coffee with someone every week - or even every day if you can as this makes you feel you still have a life and can recharge your batteries.
Some kids to move out of where they are and then get on with school but others are not quite so fortunate and take longer.

See if you can talk to your son about the things that might help but don't refer to it as 'help you get back to school' because they will be avoiding that. So help that will help them feel better overall is how they will respond better.
Consider talking over medication with your doctor - it has helped my son when other support was not there.
All the best and let us know how you are going,
take care,
Linda

Re: School refusal

Hi Leanne,

Its been awhile since you posted on here and I was just wondering how things a going? Have you managed to get your son to school on part time table yet or is he still refusing to go.
Feel free to come on here anytime and ask for help.
I hope things are improving.
take care,
Linda