My life has been turned up side down. I was in a 30 year marrage. Stay at home Mom lived for my family, kids and dogs. My husband did everything for me. Now I have been forced to place dogs and get my life back together. I don't have a college degree. I need to get a job. Thinking on Grooming dogs? I love dogs. I would love to know how many people have been in a divorce that are dog breeders? Would love to hear your story. I do think they're are a lot of us out there?

He found someone else. He's in love again! LOL My kids are 26 Married I have a grandson. 23 just got a teaching job in the middle school science. He has his Master's in chemistry. He is getting married next summer. My 16 is in 10 grade. Makes good grades. They don't want to talk to him now. They are old enough to know what he has done. We are all in shock still. None of us had any clue. He left 3 weeks ago this Saturday. When I got back from a dog show he had his stuff packed up. He was home every week-end, nights and we went out to dinner every week-end. We hardly ever fought. It is like we never knew this man...father.

I have a litter on the ground. Born April 19. He left May 5. I'm forced into selling all the pups. I had also bred another bitch before he left. She is due June 24. I wish I had known. I would have never bred either one of these dogs. My plan is to hold back on my 3 nicest Adult dogs. I'm forced into selling all the pups. I can't afford to keep any more dogs now. I have 8 labs and one pug. My oldest lab is 13 will be 14 August. I have been breeding for 16 years. I love going to Potomac and Mid Jersey labrador shows. I went to Piedmont first time this year. That was a great show too! I have gone to Mid Jersey and Potomac for 12 years. He has taken everything away from me. I hate him!

I would like to know your deal with the dogs and the outcome with the law? My dogs are in my name. One thing I did right...I think? The reason I did it is he travels with his job. A couple times a year. Thought if he was out of town. It would be problems getting him to sign AKC papers.

I'm not saying I'm out of Labs...I'm not saying I'm in. I'm in limbo! I will always have labs until the day I die. They are in my heart, blood and soul. I know my kids are with me and behind me. They are my rock right now. I would die without my dogs and kids!

Cindy,

2 years ago.

1 child--19, just leaving home for college. 6 labs. 2500 square foot house with 3 toilets to clean. 1 freespending husband who didn't even know the dogs names and had never picked up dog poop. 1 girlfriend.

2 years later...

1200 square feet smaller house, only one toilet! $1000/month less mortgage. 1 child--21, in college doing great! 1 ex-husband who is no longer on my Discover card. 0 girlfriends...sooooo sad. 3 labs--placed two in pet homes, had to have old girl put down with brain tumor. 1 boyfriend who feeds the girls in the mornings, tells me i am gorgeous, and rocks my little world.

1 piece of advice for right now....

1 good pitbull attorney who is willing to treat you like the intelligent woman you are, tell you what you need to know, and let you help in the process.

Good luck. There is life...and it is GOOD!!!!!
Paula

I am so sorry. You will be in my prayers. He will eventually get what's coming to him.....have seen it happen before. Hang in there!

I can't even imagine what your'e going through.
But all I can say is, you got to keep your kids,your labs and your self respect.

He is 0/3

Good luck in the days ahead. I'll be praying and pulling for you.

I just told a friend yesterday, no matter what you give them (husbands), who you are, or how you look, they lust for something else. It's the American Male I guess. I do know that the disasters I've seen go through the devastation period (where you are now), and in a while turn out to be the best thing that ever happened and you end up happier than ever. You can still do dogs, but maybe on a smaller scale. Better days are coming. My best to you.

My husband left in Feb., no woman, I think mid-life crisis. I'm going through the same thing with placing dogs and feeling in limbo. It will be an emotional roller coaster for awhile.....I started making plans almost immediately and found I needed to slooooooooooow down....it's important to go through all the processes that you will need to go through. One good thing I did for myself was I started going to Curves......I go almost every day. The strength training has help my mental and physical well being plus I'm loosing weight. I think we need to start a divorced Labrador woman's commune ;~)
Seriously, I'm so sorry......it is a horrible, painful thing to go through. My husband has had plenty of his own *issues* through our marriage and I stuck it out with him....believe me, I thought about leaving him more than a few times, so the hurt, abandonment and betrayal you feel are real and very potent, and need to be gone through so you can get out to the other side. Don't give up on your dogs.....just slooooooow your mind and try to take it one day at a time. Take care of *you* first! In everything!!!!!
I sent dogs to Denmark and France in April ( after Potomac ) as I thought I was leaving the States permanently. I have 5 dogs overseas waiting for me......and 5 home here that are geriatrics.....my husband will be caring for them when I go to France along with my birds and very old cat. It takes time to come to terms with everything......all the loss......the goodbyes, but I promise you will feel better some day and maybe even feel glad and happy about it. I'm trying really hard to move on so the rest of my life can be a happy one. NO MORE DRAMA is my motto!!!
(((((((( hugs ))))))))),

If you haven't already done so, get the absolute best, aggressive attorney you can find. Laws are different in every state. Ask every question you can think of. Don't hold back on any of your info, including any skeletons in your closet. Do as much communication as you can through the lawyer, and document everything you and your husband discuss. I communicate almost 100% by e-mail, with read receipt on so I have proof that he got my e-mails. He finds it impossible to play the old passive aggressive games he used to play, but he still tries every so often.

I am getting support from my soon-to-be-ex that the judge ordered for the duration of the divorce trial. We had a pain in the butt custody fight but that's resolved totally in my favor. As a result of these things he is not a happy man.

It's been about a year and a half since he left (not my choice at all) and I can say that much to my amazement I'm happier now than I have been in 24 years (we were married in 1983).

Luckily my STBX can't take any of the dogs - he just doesn't have a schedule that permits it. And like you, none of them are in his name except that I co-own our PRA affected 9 1/2 year old boy with him. If he decided to take Bear, it would be a big responsibility and a lot of yellow shedding hair (LOL.) So he's not taking anybody. But you need to discuss this with your lawyer.

I did place some dogs on co-ownerships with other people so that I still have access for my breeding program. It has worked very well for me so far.

Look forward to the future - it's bound to be better if you are not living with an unhappy person!

Cindy brought up a good question. In a divorce situation, are the dogs considered property? If the dogs are in your name, do you get them, or is everything negotiable?

Yes, dogs are considered property.

My one best piece of advice that I can give to you is: if you don't have to place dogs to downsize - don't do it right away. You can make adjustments as needed by switching foods, to minimize dog expenses ( I did and I got more creative). Today, I have more dogs than I did when I was in the early divorce stage. In my case, the dogs were the ONLY thing that has kept me happy for several years in a rotten marriage. If I were to have downsized I would have been absolutely miserable at that time. My situation was different from yours in that there are no kids, college grad, I work and made more money than the hubby did, and I have no bills other than the house, transportation, and dog food. I prepared myself and had the vision to keep some things seperate in the beginning of the marriage. The hardest part for me was getting use to being alone in the house with nobody to talk to on a whim. I enjoy having the bed, bathrooms, and whole house to myself. I do miss his poop scooping, feeding dogs, love of the puppies, and company at times, but there was lots of grief to be had during all those times too. I'm happier alone and maybe one day will meet a guy who can appreciate someone like me and will love my many labradors. Keep your head up!

Hello,

I am from Mexico, love dogs, have labs, I live alone with my dogs, I am partly retired, economical I am good, so.

Would you marry me?

Don't start all of you people out there, I am not a breeder, neither a handler, but we can start together a kennel.

I am not in your situation but do feel for you.

I have however gone thru something similar in that I became a widow very suddenly 13 years ago and was left to handle it all on my own. No kids but dogs, a house, etc. I had never lived alone in my life.

I know its a rough road now but I truly believe you will be happier in the end. God will give you the strength to get thru this if you ask him.

The stress will be overwhelming at times but, as one poster mentioned going to Curves, I found that working out really helped me to focus on something other than my situation (even if only for an hour) but that is how you regain your mental strength to continue with your ordeal.

I pray you stay strong thru this and can look back on it some day and say "I am in a better place".

I also agree with taking your time where your dogs are concerned. You are overwhelmed right now. Don't rush into anything under such tremendous stress.

I wish you all the best of luck thru this and for a happy, content future.

Manuel - time for a visit to your dentist... just to make sure you can chew all you're planning to bite off!!!

I'm sorry - I can't imagine how painful it must be.

Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just ... get more :)!

Good luck. I hope it all resolves in your favor.

Cindy, I truely feel for you as I have had divorce in my family a few times and happen to be quite familar with it(Mom and sisters). I know it is hard but really try and not let it get the best or for that fact, any part of you. Now is the time you need to start singing "I Am Woman" to yourself and out loud and BELIEVE it. Walk and talk with confidence. This doesn't mean you can't cry or be upset, it just means you have to take life by the horns and make it what you want.


-Artist: Helen Reddy from "Helen Reddy's Greatest Hits": EMI ST 11467
-peak Billboard position # 1 for 1 week in 1972
-Words and Music by Helen Reddy and Ray Burton

I AM WOMAN

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

CHORUS

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

FADE
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman




Also Piper, I read your post it made me want to watch the movie!!! My heart got racing and it truely made me smile. Maybe Diane Lane or Julia Roberts in the starring in the lead role.

I went through this 20+ years ago. Our circumstances were different in that I had an education, but I had let my career go so that he could have his, and at the time he left I was working only part time. I also had a litter on the ground! If you have a ready market, those litters will be a resource. I lived on money from selling puppies and my dairy goats. But surely you are entitled to support from him after a long marriage and no employment history.

You've already been given the most important advice- get a good attorney. I also recommend counseling. My ex was behaving in a very erratic manner and was exhibiting personality traits I'd never seen in him before. It sounds as if you are having that experience, too, in which this came as a complete surprise to you. My ex was doing a real push-pull number on me, getting my hopes up and then dashing them several times. I went to counseling to try to understand what was going on with him as well as to help handle my own emotional worries. There was a program in my community for people who didn't have good financial resources. The first counselor I tried was a dud; the second was very helpful, so try again if the first one isn't helping you.

Concerning the dogs, we had only three, as each dog we added was a major decision for him. I ended up keeping and feeding both of "his" older dogs as well as my own young show quality brood bitch. Our situations there were quite different except for the litter of puppies. I also had to sell all the puppies. I was fortunate enough to place puppies where I could get back to my lines.

I have not remarried. I found I liked being free to make my own decisions and, quite frankly, haven't met many men that were worth giving it up for- certainly none that were available. But I also am happier now than I was during the last part of my marriage. I wish you had some close friends. My friends really saw me through my crisis. Several married couples were really there for me. Don't be ashamed to tell your side of the story to mutual friends. Your concern right now is to yourself and keeping yourself together as best you can, not saving his face! The people who helped me the most also knew my ex, but they gave their loyalty to me and helped me through.

AGAIN!...I am rolling on the floor...ain't that a pip.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

Cindy,

2 years ago.

1 child--19, just leaving home for college. 6 labs. 2500 square foot house with 3 toilets to clean. 1 freespending husband who didn't even know the dogs names and had never picked up dog poop. 1 girlfriend.

2 years later...

1200 square feet smaller house, only one toilet! $1000/month less mortgage. 1 child--21, in college doing great! 1 ex-husband who is no longer on my Discover card. 0 girlfriends...sooooo sad. 3 labs--placed two in pet homes, had to have old girl put down with brain tumor. 1 boyfriend who feeds the girls in the mornings, tells me i am gorgeous, and rocks my little world.

1 piece of advice for right now....

1 good pitbull attorney who is willing to treat you like the intelligent woman you are, tell you what you need to know, and let you help in the process.

Good luck. There is life...and it is GOOD!!!!!
Paula

I am so sorry for you. I have been in a simular situation but, no 2 people ever go through something like this in the same manner.

The one thing that has gotten me through life's trials is something my mother told me. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. Its true. We either deny a situation's existance and fall apart, or we pull up our boot straps and wade through it. Its not easy, but your not alone.
When this happend to me I decided that I was going to keep my head up and make him regret leaving by just, simply being me and learning how to survive. Did he ever regret leaving? I have no idea, but i made my self proud of who I was.

Remember your allowed to feel betrayed, and left alone. But your kids are old enough to pick for them selves and let them.
If you have to co-own some of those pups then try to find breeder friends who can help with that. Even if you need to release some older ones on co-owns too. There is always a way to find where you want to go and how you want to get there. Don't make any rash decisions, try to take your time.

Best of luck to you,
K.

19 years ago my then husband wanted to find himself, he found himself with a young nurse and moved out, we divorced. I was really thrown for a while, but took equal parts of survival and revenge (there are days that carrie underwood song about next time he cheats could have been written by me) I didn't slash up his car, but i did fill his kayak with cat litter when he left it sitting in the basement for a few months.. and cut off his ski poles..

anyway, i had cats then not dogs, but kept the house, and got on with my life. He was a free spender, and it took a while to get over the remaining credit card debts. I eventually met a nice man, we got a house togehter, and started getting labrador and after 14 years of seeing if it would work finally got married last year.

my biggest pieces of advice, don't rush into anything regarding kids or dogs, and get a good attorney!

barb

Cindy,

I'm rooting for you and sending prayers. You've gotten a lot of good advise here.

I honor your strength for sharing and being open! Since you know a bit of what I've been through this last year with my infectin and amputation, life sometimes throws you serious crap. Honor yourself, trust yourself, be who you are. I am not a religious person, but I prayed my ass off this last year!!!

One day at a time and all of that. Get support. Meditate. Call.
I know that I am still certainly angry off and on, and try to accept myself when I am, but I do need to try and let it go and accept, coz it drains me. IT IS WHAT IT IS. Just do your best one day at a time. All we are promised is today. Breath and decide what you have to do right now.

The present is the closest to reality. We only need to handle life moment by moment.

Life can certainly be scary. I did a workshop with Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D a few years ago. He teaches mindfulness. He deals with many people with life threatening illnesses. He said that many of the people he knew said that if they didn't have their mindfulness practice, they didn't know how they would've gotten through what they had to bear.

Hang in there.

Hugs,

Susan

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

My life has been turned up side down. I was in a 30 year marrage. Stay at home Mom lived for my family, kids and dogs. My husband did everything for me. Now I have been forced to place dogs and get my life back together. I don't have a college degree. I need to get a job. Thinking on Grooming dogs? I love dogs. I would love to know how many people have been in a divorce that are dog breeders? Would love to hear your story. I do think they're are a lot of us out there?

He found someone else. He's in love again! LOL My kids are 26 Married I have a grandson. 23 just got a teaching job in the middle school science. He has his Master's in chemistry. He is getting married next summer. My 16 is in 10 grade. Makes good grades. They don't want to talk to him now. They are old enough to know what he has done. We are all in shock still. None of us had any clue. He left 3 weeks ago this Saturday. When I got back from a dog show he had his stuff packed up. He was home every week-end, nights and we went out to dinner every week-end. We hardly ever fought. It is like we never knew this man...father.

I have a litter on the ground. Born April 19. He left May 5. I'm forced into selling all the pups. I had also bred another bitch before he left. She is due June 24. I wish I had known. I would have never bred either one of these dogs. My plan is to hold back on my 3 nicest Adult dogs. I'm forced into selling all the pups. I can't afford to keep any more dogs now. I have 8 labs and one pug. My oldest lab is 13 will be 14 August. I have been breeding for 16 years. I love going to Potomac and Mid Jersey labrador shows. I went to Piedmont first time this year. That was a great show too! I have gone to Mid Jersey and Potomac for 12 years. He has taken everything away from me. I hate him!

I would like to know your deal with the dogs and the outcome with the law? My dogs are in my name. One thing I did right...I think? The reason I did it is he travels with his job. A couple times a year. Thought if he was out of town. It would be problems getting him to sign AKC papers.

I'm not saying I'm out of Labs...I'm not saying I'm in. I'm in limbo! I will always have labs until the day I die. They are in my heart, blood and soul. I know my kids are with me and behind me. They are my rock right now. I would die without my dogs and kids!

I dont have any experience in this area, but my heart goes out to you, Cindy, and your children and I pray that everything works out for you!

Oh Cindy, what a man of straw. You must be in a state of shock. Believe me in a while he will regret what he has done and know what he has missed out on for the future (it always happens). How many times have we seen these middle aged men taking off with other women and then a year or so down the track (or even sooner) wanting to come back home.

Re the dogs, why not use the other poster's advice and perhaps feed a slightly less expensive food for a while? They are Labs after all and will thrive on most foods because they are a hardy breed. I would rather keep my dogs around me than let them go. You need them more than ever right now. Plus, you will cover your costs by selling all the pups from the litters and have a little left over for a rainy day.

Why not investigate setting up a grooming service from home? That will save you lease expenses for business premises and will cut your costs for running a vehicle. Another idea is a pet minding service where you look after pets in their own homes while the owners are away. It usually involves making a couple of trips to the home per day and exercising and feeding the pet. Many owners prefer this to placing the pet in a boarding facility. If you can get some references from your vet etc to show to new clients it would be a cheap business to set yourself up in. People will pay good money for home care of their pets.

In the meantime, like they all say, hire the best attorney that you can and take the shirt off your husband's back! I wish you every success in the world Cindy. Be strong.

I think women should contribute to the household. Not just have thier hobby while their husbands bring in all the money. Once your kids are in school you need to get a job, at least part time. Don't wait for him to leave to go on a diet...do it all your life--for yourself. What man wants a wife who acts like a dependent child?

My husband and I are partners in all things. I have taught my daughter this and hope my sons do not marry women who want to be provided for their entire life.

"a different take," I think a lot of people especially men will agree with your thoughts. However I think your timing is terribly insensitive. Also it isn't right to openly assume you know everything about Cindy's situation. You never know how other marriages are arranged or that your way or ideas of marriage would be succesful in the next person's marriage. As a matter of fact, I'm a stay at home dad right now due to a shoulder injury I recieved at work.

I am going to bite my tongue on your insensitive and ill-timed comment and make this short. What good is that advice now, after the fact???? Cindy is one of my dearest friends, and though your "wisdom" is sound for daughters and young adults, it's not appropriate for this situation. To make a judgmental statement without all the facts is poor judgment on your part. There's always one in every crowd...

If he is being taken care of at home, he will have NO reason to look elsewhere.

Not my words, the quote from Dr. Ruth about 20 yrs ago.


Why is every man an SOB when he leaves a marriage, he very well might be, but come on.... are you saying women are without guilt?

WAKE UP LADIES.........

Ouch! Just hope you don't have to eat crow one of these days. Your partner could surprise you. Not a good idea to be so smug and critical of what worked well for Cindy and her husband for many years.

Stay strong Cindy! We divorced 3 years ago--the slimeball announced it on the day after our daughter turned 15...will spare you the gory details..but the depths to which some people sink continues to amaze me...

get the BEST pitbull lawyer you can find! Believe me, his attorney will be doing the best for his client (your soon to be 'ex') and it will be at YOUR expense! Be sure to fight for what is yours and your children's and don't give the 'benefit of the doubt'...it will not be reciprocated....BTW my ex is an attorney. another subject for another thread.

Can you see if some of your puppy clients will co-own? many might be thrilled with the prospect of showing especially if you'll handle the details (and dogs..) and maybe friends may take in some of your others. Don't be afraid to ask. Your true friends will stand by you and will help in whatever way they can...

Don't blame yourself--he's the one with the shortcomings although you (and the children) are left needing to heal.

And finally--my dogs kept me sane during the whole ordeal and continue to do so now that i've managed to climb back to the land of the living...

feel free to email if you need to talk or just want to vent...

georgia

I don't believe the problem was with him leaving the marriage. The problem was with him committing adultery before he left the marriage. If he is unhappy, the try to work it out. If that is not possible, the get a divorce. But, no one should screw around until the divorce is final. That is what makes him an SOB. If he could have kept it zipped, there would be a lot less pain, hurt, anger and a yearning for revenge. Actually, if that were the case, an amicable split would be much more likely.

Some of you need sensitivity training BIG time. Cindy's looking for support at a critical time in her life, not criticism.

It could be that Dr. Ruth had a screw loose, you know. Even if she's correct, didn't Cindy's husband at least owe her the courtesy of letting her know he was unhappy long BEFORE he took off? You can't fix something if you're unaware that it's broken.

Barb

Fran,

I was not without guilt in my marriage. Never would claim to be.....

However, I also cooked every meal and served it, kept a clean house--alone, landscaped a gorgeous yard, hostessed his office parties. I gave him quality time by listening to him talk about his day and I gave him "cave time" uninterrupted. I made twice the salary he made, plus had a paying hobby (the labs). I worked out, kept myself in shape and attractive and NEVER said I had a headache--always wore Victoria Secret to bed.

You remind me very much of my mother, whose advice when she found out about his affair was, "I'll just bet you haven't made that boy a nice pot roast recently...let me give you my new recipe!" Translation: If you would have taken care of him, he would have had NO reason to look elsewhere.

My take on that? Well, some men/women make some VERY bad decisions. And sometimes those decisions are mean, thoughtless, and destructive. My husband chose to sleep around because he wanted to, it was fun and exciting. It had nothing to do with the fact that I had made him steak and scalloped potatoes rather than pot roast...it was because he was selfish, cruel, and short sighted.

So, I rarely respond to insensitive and cruel posts--preferring, if you will, to let rabid dogs run their own salivating and ultimately fatal course. However, I had to respond to this one--as it has more venom than truth. Be careful of these broad statements...they may just come back to roost on your doorstep.

Not sure if this is the right place to vent about your personal life and men. It's a bummer to get divorced been there done that life really does go on. I don't like male bashing I love men and not all of them are bad. There are always 2 sides to every story.

and..none of us lived with these people and have no idea what went on in that home. You will survive and be better off for it. Being alone is much better than being in a marriage that sucks.

I don't think it is really male bashing as much as it is venting about a crappy partner. I would be just as sympathetic to a man were they in the situation of having a cheating spouse who abandoned them after years of marriage. As for the work and diet etc. What a crock of dog poop.Even BIGGER pile of poop? the idea that it is ANYONES job to keep someone happy ie. satisfied or they get what they deserve....sounds like just what you would expect to hear out of the mouth of the "other" woman/man who wanted to justify doing something so bad as wrecking a home...or easing the heavy conscious of the cheater so they could get what they wanted.
I stay at home and have a REAL job here at home. MY husband would be LOST were I to work out of the home. We all do what works for us. Many of us have no other real social lives besides the people we share our love of labs with so if someone needs to turn to us for support then *personally* I welcome them and hope in some small way I can say something that might ease the pain. I too went through something similar over a year ago with pups on the ground and an unexpected marital issue. I turned to my lab forum friends as well...who else did I have? They saved me in a few ways...from hastily placing dogs when I really needed to wait, not to mention from going crazy out of loneliness. He came back a wiser and more humble man, understanding alot better what each of us had to offer the relationship, as well as what kind of work we BOTH needed to undertake to keep things healthy.....and as an aside, become more involved with the dogs than he had even been in the past to the point that I can honestly say now that they are OUR hobby.
Again, one of the problems with people not signing their names is they feel free to be mean as well as judgmental. I may give my thoughts here and there, but I hesitate to call it advice because as someone else already said, best you not act as if you know it all or you may just get a harsh lesson of your own one day when you least expect it....and people may just remember how crass you were when another was in need.
Annie

Oh really--just as sympathic to a man...if that man stayed home and never went to work and got fat and had a hobby that cost lots of $$$ and took him away from home?

My friend just went to divorce court, today. The "ex" told the judge the reason he left 2 1/2 years ago was because the door was locked.

Doesn't that take the cake!

That's a GRAT IDEA!! Go for it Cindy.

Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just ... get more :)!

Good luck. I hope it all resolves in your favor.

What an attidue...w/o knowing anything.

We women do more to hurt "our cause" than any man ever could.

Seems to me they just had a show on that placed the salary of a stay at home mom at about 138,000 per year.

Yeeks...you sound very trollish...don't know if I should take this seriously or not, but on the off chance you are for real....
trust me, I would be very sympathetic to a man...even a "fat" one...how very shallow to use that as any measure of a good partner. As for "if he stayed home and never went to work" how very wrong to assume that staying home means no work!!!
Even worse is to assume that this man cheated and committed adultery because she was fat and didn't work OUTSIDE the home, or that she spent "his" money on a foolish hobby.
I know I am just feeding into a no win argument with someone that it sounds shares none of my personal values so I will not bore the rest of the forum with further argumentative posts, but I shall leave off by saying that someone that frequents this forum has reached out in a time of need to people she hoped would help her with some tough choices in a time she might not be thinking clearly. Maybe dog people are her only social outlet. Maybe none of us need to know who is at fault or why this persons life has taken this turn. Maybe assigning blame in this kind a situation is a waste of time no matter who you are and a little kindness is all that should be given. To empathize with this persons pain is not to say you think anyone in the situation is right or wrong but a gesture that you care about the pain any person might be suffering over the end of a relationship.
I doubt very much that this person was looking for a disscussion about the gender roles in the modern day marriage. More like..."Help me...i am at my wits end and have many big responsibilities to my dogs and need someone to help me be strong."
I once had a boyfriend with the kind of attitude I get from this poster....(I was very young back then and it was the 80's) He was a cross between axle roads and sebastian bach look alike with long hair and the pretty boy look.(give me a break it was a bad choice I know) He made a comment one day after I told him how shallow he was "ya but you wouldn't like me so much without my hair!" I am now happily married to a VERY bald man who is the love of my life. If I was able to make enough money outside the home, and he were willing to stay home and take care of the dogs and our son, and the house....GOODNESS! Id be thrilled! (Even if he did put on a few pounds:)
Annie

Wooo Hooo!
I am rich!!!
Now who is it that I go to get my pay?
I knew there would be a catch!
HA!
No but really folks....i really do think my job at home is pretty darn demanding, and my husband has said on more than one occasion during his bouts of hyper worry...you better take good care of yourself because I could never do all that you do around here and I dont know how I would take care of our son without you. To me...that makes it all very worth it. I know I will never get paid for being vomited on in the middle of the night by my four year old, or washing the dishes even when i have a headache, or realizing I forgot to have clean scrubs for hubby at 4 in the morning and jumping out of bed to do a quick load of wash, but that is how our marriage works. I have worked and had a job all my life up until I got married (and I waited til late in life to marry) and sometimes wish I could still, but reality is that it isnt really workable for our lives. 8 hours at work would be a breeze if I could come home to someone else taking care of all the other things that need to be done.

All I can say is that the advice about the best pitbull lawyer in your area is dead on....

Not from my own experience....I left everything just
to get away from a domestically violent marriage.
Took my time to get into dogs again, ....and it was
the labbies that got my life going again.....

From my friends/just know that a pitbull lawyer
will do the best for you...and have him pay for it...

JMHO~!

Jane Harford

Better not let the spouse see this -- LOL
But I work outside the home yet amd expected to cook - clean - shop and so much more - if that's my 'other' salary maybe I should ask him to pay me! LOLOLOL

Men have it easy IMO -- whether we work or work in the home.

Sorry guys

You know what is funny?
I think I could get him to do more around here if I really wanted to but for some reason I would prefer to do it.
Its just that after a while you get in a groove and want things done your way:)
Besides...I dont want all our socks pink! My hubby is the kind who wants a t-shirt clean, sees the wahser is full and rather than unload the whole things to the dryer and get another load together....he just throws in the shirt and rewashes everything......of course it will happen to be a load of delicates....but what can you do?
Thats not to say I wouldn't REALLY love a moms day out while Daddy took care of my little monster for a bit, but again it usually comes down to my own guilt and worry and being unable to leave him alone worrying he wont do things right. I should really try to have more confidence that things wont fall apart when I am not around and that hubby can handle himself just fine. maybe it is a mommy thing I don't know.Something I need to work on for sure.
Annie

I've been married for 19 years. It has been great, it's sucked, and it's been a full time job in it's own.

Sometimes things happen, people change.

To the butthole who thought that thought perhaps she should not get sit around and should have gotten a full time job?? My husband mentioned that to me once when the kids were younger, mentioned that perhaps I should go get a job. I told him no problem!! So, i'll be risigning from my full time job at home. This means everyone comes home and does there part..hubby this means you too You get to cook, the kids do the toilets and all the laundry, I'll take care of EVERYONE'S animals, and care for parts of the house. Needless to say, he came home the next day, took his shower, ate his meal, sat on the couch and watched tv and never said another word.

Some compassion is this world wouldn't hurt a few of you.


As for the cheating man. YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM, AND YOU CAN'T SHOOT EM!!!!!!

no no Annie, keep it going how you are with things. you leave him alone for any length of time, and he does deal with it, you will come back and he will think he doesn't need you there for him.

I let go of a bit of rein last year by going to Potomac, and it near went to my dh's head- but had to reel him back in very fast on that one. PHEW! close call- had i been gone any longer- oh my- would have been impossible to get things back to norm around here!

Right now- i keep him thinking he needs me, and he appreciates things as they are.

It seems i'm the only male that is signing his name to this thread and I suspect that there is a couple he's or he/she's. Before I got hurt at work I took advantage of of the typical... "Know your role woman" state of mind. I realy believe that my 3 years of dealing with this injury was a huge benifit for me and my family. Finiancially it has been a huge problem, and a few times I wanted to call in FEMA. The bottom line is I now know the importance of the typical wife role, as I have been taking it on for a year and a half(the time I have been the stay at home dad). I can't continue to do it as I'm not wired this way, but I have NO choice and I will just do it... in the words from Nike. I now know wife's also feel they have no choice and it is terrible for anyone,espicially a husband, to think the wife is doing something incorrect. I have read this whole thread and I have learned I really need to keep the importance of my family at the upmost importance. I need to do bills, dishes, laundry, hugs, kisses, and pretty much anything that has to do with the relationship of my life partner, my wife... Tisha... BETTER. She is still the rock that holds are marriage together no matter what my new role is. I still think it is terrible for anyone to turn this thread into something that is not a postive for Cindy. The dogs are the only thing that has kept my creative mind stewing and has given me the outlet I need and was use to as an Electrician. That is why I appeciate this forum so much, No matter what the overall opinion of me is. On a side note, If I was single agian... I think I would love to cook Pipper dinner(LoL)!!

To the butthole who thought that thought perhaps she should not get sit around and should have gotten a full time job?? My husband mentioned that to me once
-----------------------------------------------------
How charming--just the type I'd like for a wife and mother to my children

Lighten up!

http://www.kimbertal.com/men.html
http://www.kimbertal.com/women.html

My plan for the future is to stick with the dogs!

Cindy, I'm glad for your post. Cindy was not on to bash her husband. She was looking for supportive ideas from others who have been through a divorce. Real ideas, such as what did you do afterwards for a job, and how did you handle your dog situations. She's not looking for a fight nor opinions on why her marriage is over. We all know it's different for each and every one of us. She was just giving some background, and venting a little. And just my 2 cents, just because you work at home doesn't mean you don't have a "job". Some men travel quite a bit and we don't want our children being brought up in day care. Also, HS is the most important time for Mom's to have a presence! So to each to own, but please don't criticize just give some good avice, that's what's she's looking for. Stay strong Cindy.

Wow How surprising that Kimbertal Kennels was mentioned on this forum. I thought only people from Pennsylvanis were familiar with Kimbertal. They are in Kimberton Pa and raise Rottweilers, Labs and Dobermans. Ellie

QUOTED FROM YIKES>>>>>>>>How charming--just the type I'd like for a wife and mother to my children
___________________________________________

I'm not charming and not worthy of 19 yrs. of marriage or chidren...because I used the word butthole???

My wonderful husband and my 3 beautiful children, and my countless friends would whole heartedly disagree with that statement if you asked them.

They would NEVER say I wasn't real. So...you want "real" or you want timid "memorex"
I was trying to lighten the situation because it sounds to me Cindy had some true b.. oh excuse "mean people" who felt the need to not be nice.


So Sorry !!!!Yikes!!! I didn't mean to shock your fragile sensibilities!

I cannot believe Kimbertal is breeding Labs! Is that really true, Ellie? If so I am very sad....I have been there and seen just how many many many many litters of Dobes & Rotties they have...it is WAY to many! I see them as a puely business...money making operation...very sad! Quality breeders of Dobes & Rotties cringe when Kimbertal is mentioned.....

Cindy, I wish this forum had been around when I got divorced 18 years ago! We all need to take our problems and worries somewhere and you've gotten lots of support here. Few divorces are unique. Our dog hobby keeps us connected and all of us can have something to contribute that might help you get though this. Call, email, shout to all your friends...keep talking. That will be your best therapy .... and a good lawyer.

Talk about disparaging remarks and kennel name bashing...SHAME ON YOU. Most of the time it's jeolousy when other breeders do that.. I just went to her web page, all of the pups look great and are not the normal 8 weeks old that so many others sell at. Now mind you, I'm not a Dob or Rotty breeder but I know a healthy pup and dog when I see one and NONE of those dogs looked hungry, sick or "mis treated". AGAIN, SHAME ON YOU Ellie. One breeder should NOT talk about another breeder in that way AT ALL. Isn't their some sort of "Code of Ethics"? or just plain decency?

SHAME ON YOU TOO!

Listen you--I never said anything about Kimbertal except that I was surprised it was mentioned on this forum. Now you are the one who made the statements about Kimbertal. It is your little agenda and not mine. You better go and read what was written and stay off of my back. When I wrote this I knew someone like you would spill your guts. You didn't get up early enough in the morning to screw me so lay off and just remember you are the only one who had diahrrhea of the mouth and fingers. Ellie

OWN KIMBERTAL'S FINEST FEMALE PUPPIES AT NO COST!

Kimbertal observes the time-honored tradition of reserving its finest female pups for breeding stock to maintain the quality of its internationally recognized lines. These pups are selectively entered into the Kimbertal breeding program based on their outstanding conformation which meets or exceeds breed standards. In addition, they must display stable temperaments, winning personalities, excellent health and exceptional physical stamina.

Under our no-cost breeding agreement, each breeding pup is home-raised by a carefully chosen family who returns her to be bred at the appropriate time to one of Kimbertal's champion studs. The family then provides both the pre-natal and post-natal care according to Kimbertal's specified standards, returning the litter to Kimbertal when the pups reach 7 weeks of age. This practice insures that every pup in the litter is properly socialized in a home environment from the time they are born until they are placed with their new families. With the family having fully met the terms of the breeding agreement, the adult female is then theirs to keep.

Families who wish to participate in Kimbertal's reciprocal breeding program must live within 90 minutes of Kimbertal, pass a screening interview, agree to the breeding arrangement, and sign the breeding contract. According to the terms of the contract, Kimbertal provides the stud service, veterinary care, food supplies and any necessary medications.

From time to time, conditions may allow some of these elite females to be available for outright sale.


See: http://www.kimbertal.com/rotbreed.html

WOW, free puppies? Amazzing, how kind they are to give people a free puppy! Now look at the size of the kennel facilities it is a massive one! The photos of pups they are showing you are of the best of the best, wonder what isn't being shown.

I never heard of them before and if asked will not recommend them for any breed after reading that website. It is a large business that appears to be expanding into OUR breed.

Thanks for the information Ellie!

Cindy So sorry to here about your life. Take time to breath and cry. Everything will always change tomorrow maybe not for the better right now but it will get better. Been down that road. I know the area you live in and think about day care. I groom and fell into day care and what a good way to make extra money. Should be of interest in your area. Grooming is a good idea but doesn't bring in enough money as fast as you probably need it. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

Hi Cindy
Although we have never met and this thread has gone off on another tangent-I wanted to share my experience and outcome with you. In a nutshell-been where you are(or the general vicinity)twice. My bad for bad choices, but the important thing is I learned to not make quick decisions regarding critters and to find the best "pitbull" attorney I could-as others have stated. The critters all ended up with me, the Ex's said lots of great sounding things to attorneys but never followed through,so they were with me till they went to the bridge due to age. I found a way to keep everyone fed-the home pet care is a great idea! Not enough trustworthy critter sitters around. Bottom line-you will survive, you will have your critters, and you will be happy again.....just give it time.Betrayal is one of the hardest actions to recover from...don't rush to do anything except get him out of your life.
Wishing you the best,
Lisa

See....I knew it would come out..but the post was bdr's...and you STILL had to say something negative. look I don't know them, never heard of them before bdr's post but not my point...the point is NO DISPARAGING REMARKS. You could have the living SNOT sued out of ya for things like that girl...so you better get up just a little earlier than you think necessary to prevent someone from getting on your back... your ass over-road your mouth on this one.
And you are very WELCOME for this piece of infomation....this thread had nothing to do with anything you and bdr have mentioned... you 2 have been just plain malicious and from the looks of that facility if I were you I would be worried, scared to be honest, that they'd sued...looks to me like that's their livelyhood and you don't say things like that about someone's livelyhood. SO if I were you I'd get off my high horse missy, cause he who rides a high horse WILL fall off.
P.S. I don't care what Kimbertal's does.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

OWN KIMBERTAL'S FINEST FEMALE PUPPIES AT NO COST!

Kimbertal observes the time-honored tradition of reserving its finest female pups for breeding stock to maintain the quality of its internationally recognized lines. These pups are selectively entered into the Kimbertal breeding program based on their outstanding conformation which meets or exceeds breed standards. In addition, they must display stable temperaments, winning personalities, excellent health and exceptional physical stamina.

Under our no-cost breeding agreement, each breeding pup is home-raised by a carefully chosen family who returns her to be bred at the appropriate time to one of Kimbertal's champion studs. The family then provides both the pre-natal and post-natal care according to Kimbertal's specified standards, returning the litter to Kimbertal when the pups reach 7 weeks of age. This practice insures that every pup in the litter is properly socialized in a home environment from the time they are born until they are placed with their new families. With the family having fully met the terms of the breeding agreement, the adult female is then theirs to keep.

Families who wish to participate in Kimbertal's reciprocal breeding program must live within 90 minutes of Kimbertal, pass a screening interview, agree to the breeding arrangement, and sign the breeding contract. According to the terms of the contract, Kimbertal provides the stud service, veterinary care, food supplies and any necessary medications.

From time to time, conditions may allow some of these elite females to be available for outright sale.


See: http://www.kimbertal.com/rotbreed.html

WOW, free puppies? Amazzing, how kind they are to give people a free puppy! Now look at the size of the kennel facilities it is a massive one! The photos of pups they are showing you are of the best of the best, wonder what isn't being shown.

I never heard of them before and if asked will not recommend them for any breed after reading that website. It is a large business that appears to be expanding into OUR breed.

Thanks for the information Ellie!

Now, this is what the thread was ORIGINALLY about.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

Replying to:

Hi Cindy
Although we have never met and this thread has gone off on another tangent-I wanted to share my experience and outcome with you. In a nutshell-been where you are(or the general vicinity)twice. My bad for bad choices, but the important thing is I learned to not make quick decisions regarding critters and to find the best "pitbull" attorney I could-as others have stated. The critters all ended up with me, the Ex's said lots of great sounding things to attorneys but never followed through,so they were with me till they went to the bridge due to age. I found a way to keep everyone fed-the home pet care is a great idea! Not enough trustworthy critter sitters around. Bottom line-you will survive, you will have your critters, and you will be happy again.....just give it time.Betrayal is one of the hardest actions to recover from...don't rush to do anything except get him out of your life.
Wishing you the best,
Lisa

"Wow How surprising that Kimbertal Kennels was mentioned on this forum. I thought only people from Pennsylvanis were familiar with Kimbertal. They are in Kimberton Pa and raise Rottweilers, Labs and Dobermans. Ellie"
Frankly I don't see where the disparaging remark is here. Aren't you overreacting just a bit? Ellie has quite a good reputation in the Lab community and if I were you I'd wise up and back off.