One morning at the Hospital a lady called me and
told me she thought her dog had worms. Okay.
What do they look like I asked. Hold on, I have
to ask my Husband...He said they look like
Spaghetti. I proceded to tell her she needs
to weigh the DOG and call me back. Then she
could come and pick something up.

Well..She called about 1/2hr later and asked me...
"HOW DO YOU WEIGH WORMS'

Can you believe it??????????
PS. This is true, I did NOT make this up.

That is funny and I do believe it.

This must be the same couple that I heard a similar story about. They were concerned about the size of their lab so they called the vet. The technician said how tall is your dog. They replied, "We don't know. How are they measured?" The technician said that you measure them from the ground to the shoulder.
"Wait a second," they said. "We'll measure her right now."

They quickly came back on line and said that the dog was 48" tall. "Whoa!!" said the technician. "You better measure her again."

They did and they said that she still measured 48". The technician said that their dog couldn't me a lab and must be some other breed. "Oh! No!" said the wife. "You better talk to my husband. Let me get the dog's paws off of his shoulders."

You gotta believe......

I do believe many villages are missing their idiot...

Some people are very challenged. We get the same thing at our clinic.

The woman who brought in her dog that she bred, and couldn't figure out when pups would be due, so we asked her when she bred them and she asked what we meant, so we asked again, when did she breed the dog, and she looked quite blank, then said, "Oh, you mean when they were stuck together?"

Ya, gotta laugh.

People say and do the darndest things when it comes to animals..... Last year I got a call from a client that said her cat had an eye infection. She said that she had been bathing the cat's infected eye with warm milk and honey for a week and the eye seemed to be getting worse instead of better??? I said "who told you to put milk and honey in the cat's eye?" She replied "I heard that milk and honey is soothing" I explained to the client that milk and honey IS soothing....IF YOU"RE HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING! Now stop putting dairy products in your cat's eye and get her to the VET!!! (HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!)

Okay I have two.
First there was the lady who called the vet hospital where I worked and said her dog had a bad case of worms and could they bring her in to be dewormed and bathed. I asked her how she knew the dog had worms and she said they were so bad she could actually see them moving. So she brought the dog in and she was huge.......with puppies, which is what the lady was seeing moving... she stayed with us for a check up and went into labor at the vet hospital that afternoon and had ten healthy mixed breed pups that evening at home.
Second one was at an obedience class I was assisting in training. The trainer was teaching the stand/stay. She first demonstrated and then she told all the people to get their dogs standing then tell them to stay and take one little step away from him. So everybody commenced to get their dogs standing and telling them to stay. I walked around to offer assistance and then I looked up and saw one guy standing his doberman up on its hind legs and telling it to stay and then letting go of the front legs and of course everytime the dogs front legs fell back to the ground. The man would patiently grab the dogs front legs again, stand him upright, tell him to stay and let go and down would go his dog again. I went back to the trainer and told her I think this person needed a little extra help from her. When she approached the guy, he said, " No matter how many times I tell him 'stay' he just won't stay up there" OH my gosh we laughed over that one for years.
Judy

Great stories!

I was competing in an obedience trial up at Balston Spa a few years back. The judge acutually used
quarters to mark the spot where the teams where to start their heel on leash exercise and where they were to do their first halt (upon her command) The first competitor entered, (I assume this guy did not see the judge put the money down as he was busy warming up his dog) The judge pointed in the direction where he should start but then she turned to go back to the judges table. The guy proceeds to walk over and sees the quarter, bends down and picks it up. He sees the second quarter about 10 or 15 feet away, tells his dog to stay, walks over and picks up that one too! He comes back and gets in heel position with his dog. Judge then comes back, and not having seen what he did, starts frantically looking all around the ground for her money. She is now walking up and down the 15 foot path looking for her two quarters! We are all on the opposite side of the ring laughing our butts off. Finally someone walks over and tells the judge the guy has the money in his pocket!

A friend sold a male lab puppy to first time dog owners. They called up in a panic to my friend saying that the then 12 week old little guy was "humpping"(sp?) a stuffed toy! Not sure what word they actually used but you get the idea.
The wife also said that when she picked him up he must be having a problem since he was "hanging out" and no matter how much her husband tried, they could not push "it" back inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took my friend five minutes to compose herself enough to answer them!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of my puppy buyers called in a panic because they had just found "bunch of little cysts" on their male puppies underside....
The husband had actually planned to pick them off as he wasn't sure if they might be ticks!!
I never thought in a million years I needed to go over NIPPLES with puppy buyers!!!!!

There was a book written by a vet in England in the 70's called, I believe, "All Creatures,Great and Small". The authors name was James Herriot. He actually wrote at least on follow-up book. There was also a TV series a few years later on BBC.

It is full of these types of stories. It will have you laughing so hard, you'll cry.

Mike

He has 4 books in that "series" and then I know he wrote at least two more...

The books are great.

There also is a volume with just his dog stories.

One guy called in at the vet hospital the other day, and he asked to schedule an appointment. I asked him, what were we seeing his dog for, and what had his regular vet diagnosed the problem as? He replied, "Roaring." "Roaring?" I asked...."Do you mean laryngeal paralysis or something like that?" No, he replied, he was diagnosed with "roaring!"
I don't know why, it just struck all of us as hysterically funny, we could picture a dog roaring loudly like a lion, and we got a good laugh out of that!!

When micro chips first came out. We charged $25. We had a woman come in to get her dog chipped. She said, so you will be able to track her if she gets lost right? Yes we have a satellite dish in the back with GPS.for We can track her down, all that for 25 bucks. Every time we chipped a dog we all would chuckle.

Some of my clients think a microchip is like "Lojack" or the "Clapper"

I was taking flyers for our club's eye clinic/microchip clinic to area pet businesses one day, and I went into one grooming business with one of my flyers. I asked the guy if I could leave a flyer there for my club's "eye and microchip clinic." He thought we were putting microchips in dogs' eyes, like some kind of bionic eye.

This guy called and asked if I could answer some questions.
---OK
He asked how many years I had been breeding.
---OK
Then he said, and I quote, "Are you labs quality animals?"
Huh? I replied, "No. They are ugly and horrible." He was not amused.

I never got to hear the rest of the questions on his list. Wonder why.

WTG! The list should always be this way, with humour and understanding between breeders. Keep it up, we're all enjoying the stories!

One time I saw a guy bring a large coffee can full of poop to the vet for his dog's stool sample. he said he'd been saving it up for days.

I've told this one before - but a friend's mother insisted that if a b*tch was accidentally bred the puppies from all future litters would be mutts and the "line" would be ruined. I said "Well if you get divorced and remarry someone else and have more kids with them does the first husband pay child support?" They had to think about it for a sec.

When I used to live and work in Tennessee We had plenty of funny stories. One had to do with pronounciation of breed names. Each year we held a Rabies clinic where we would offer the vaccine for only $5. We would be jammed packed for 10 hours straight on this day. People would come down from the hills of Tennessee with their trucks loaded with dogs. Before giving the vaccine I was in charge of getting all of the pertinate info for the Rabies certificate. When I asked what kind of dog I got the following.... He's a Beatle, I got me two Rockweilers, this here is a short legged German police dog... it would go on and on and I kid you not, these people truly believed they knew their stuff!!

Ever have a client with a REALLY funny name?? I am dead serious that at our clinic we had a dear sweet old man (with a Beatle dog) whose name, and I do not lie, was Mr. Harry Organ. I hope I have not offended anybody on this funny Forum, but it is the truth!! We used to giggle every time when we had to call him back to the exam room with his dog!

Or what about the old lady who always brought her housekeeper with her to help bring in her Chihuahua! She insisted that we weigh it every month to make sure it never went over 3lbs!!

The last story has to do with me on my first day working at the clinic. An elderly lady brought in her beautiful tri-colored Collie named Buttons. Buttons was very old and had kidney failure. It was time to let Buttons go. I had never been present during a euthanasia and will never forget the sweet older lady patting my hand when my eyes filled up as I held her dog while it was put down. She said "It's alright , honey!" Not a funny story, but it taught me a lot and I'll never forget working in that vet clinic!

I think my goofiest question was when I sent out pics of my expectant bitch to all the puppy people on my list. I had taken a front-on shot of her sitting in the living room, all belly and bagged-out teats. One of my people wrote back to ask if there was a puppy growing in 'each of those pods on her chest'.

(I should have taken the hint; this turned out to be the worst 'lemon' home I ever placed a pup in, and they refused to return him when the trouble started......)

When I was working at a vets, the "girls" were all hanging out at the front desk when I sent a gentleman home with a male cat. And the guy asked, what are those bumps on his tummy. Well the vet tech behind me say,"those are his boobies!"(of couse she doesn't say nipples she say boobies!) The guy looks a little shocked and asked," Why does a male have Those?" And the tech speaks up again,"well your a male and you have boobies!" We couldn't belive she said that! She couldn't believe she said that!! We still joke about it! Luckly the guy was a good sport about it