I think many of you know that I was not raised with my dad. He became a drug addict. Well, he had surgery several weeks ago. He didn't get better and went back in to the hospital about a week ago.
Well, the latest is that he has fluid in his lungs and its cancer cells. Something about the fluid has metastisized. Don't know if I spelled it right. He has 6-9 months to live.
A week from tomorrow, Dec. 6th, my middle half sister, Miranda who is in her 30's will marry for the first time.
She had already arranged for our grandpa to walk her down the aisle. He helped raise her.
But what a thing to be going through while you are planning a wedding.
We all have to come to terms with everything. For me there is not much feeling there but I feel I am to be an encouragement for him as well as my aunts during this terible time.
My husband....Not happy that I am concerned or reaching out to dad. Jealous and then bringing up that I wasn' there for him when he lost his dad. I tried to be but I was less than a month post partem back then. In the end, the day we burried his dad, we took my little baby in to the hospital that night. She had the flu, and all ended up well but it wasn't any easy time for me.
Still sturggling with finances. Church can't help me.
About a week ago, we had a blow up, and we both said we wanted divorce. I have my reasons. Basically I don't think anything has really changed in the past 8 years. But then he tried to reconcile. Lately, he's been so negative towards me. Complaining about me not cooking or cleaning. I try, then he makes his own messes. Oh, and I know I'm fat and unfortunately turning to food through everything.
I want to go home to CA. He always said I probably did. I didn't but now, what do I really have here?
I know. I have a job, I have a place to live. But I"m almost 2 and a half months behind on rent.
My grandmother said there's no jobs there. I know I wouldn't have anywhere to live. But I have family there.
It would be nice to go to wedding. Maybe I should see dad before he dies. But, my half sister said she understand finaces. I don't get out of school till after 20th. Don't know if my aunt from Denver will go to wedding via car.
I don't know if my family (dad's) will pay for me to go to funeral once that comes. I will be given 2 days grievance when the time comes.My mother in law said she will watch the kids for me when that time comes. It's been 10 years since I've been back to visit.
So... I'm praying for dad, family, and I need to figure out my life. Things are a mess.
the wierdest thing about it all is I dreamt something a couple days before I found out. In it I was with his family and they were talking hapily about him and he wasnt' there. So I woke up wondering. Then when I learned he had been admitted to the hospital. It's like why??? When I hardly ever knew him why do I dream about him.
Talked to my grandmother today. She said my husband isn't exactly right. Back then my mom was 15 and needed someone to sign for the marriage. My grandmother knew she wasn't ready to fit in to their family cleaning and cooking. So, thought my dad wanted to marry my mom, my grandparents put a stop to it. Then, my grandfather ran him off. He was consoled by the woman that would become his wife and the reat is history. My half sister was born when I was about 15 months.
I guess the blessing of all this is that his wife, Donna, who also had been a drug addict has moved in to my granfather's house and has done her part cooking and cleaning so that when my dad passes my granfather said she will be able to remain there with him. See her and my dad had been renting a small room in some half way house in San Diego but when he had surgery the doctors told him he neede a better place to live thus my granfather took them in. My grandfather is 88 and in the early stages of Dimentia. Family has been helping then Donna is there now. My granfather went to see my dad at the hospital today.He had refused before.
So, prayers: half sisters Gina, Miranda to be wed soon, and Rachel, my aunts: Stella, anita, beatrice, Irene, and ESthers, uncles Tommy and Bobby, STep mother Donna and my Dad Richard. He asked me several times yesterday to pray for him.
I didn't pray over the phone because I am a woman and he's a man, but I am trying to pray.
And of course the kids and I need it as I try to see what to do with our lives.

Thank You

Dad home fromhospital.
My computer is down.
Miranda's wedding Saturday.
Oh, he's not to happy about hospice. Wants chance to live.
Daughter broke her left arm. Cast wednesday to come.

Father God, thank You for hearing us. We come to You with everything, but as Peter said, "Where else could we go?" Please help this family. So much going on, so much to deal with. Help her to find her way through all of this; please lead her into what You want her to do. Help her children to deal with all of this, as well. In Jesus' name, Amen.