Sweetie you need more help than this message board can give you. Please try to find a minister that has marital counseling experience to talk this through with. Yes, marriage is supposed to be forever but one person can't make it work, it has to be two.

My advice to you is hard, I would work very hard to make my life as totally independant of him as I could. That means financially, spiritually and emotionally. I would not seek a divorce but a seperation and put your life in order as if he didn't exist and then if he wants to part of it he would have to behave in a respectful manner. Like I said that is hard to do especially if you have kids with him.

As far as you forgiving him, forgiveness does not come that easily or quickly. True forgiveness takes time and effort. The fact that you want to forgive him is a start but not the whole journey. However, forgiveness isn't something that turns you into a doormat for others to wipe their feet on. Again, I am not a minister or a counselor and your marriage needs some serious God-based help. I hope you find it.

Lynne, Leah has given you some good advice about finding a Christian counselor. You need some serious, God-based help. And she's right about forgiveness; it doesn't come overnight. The INTENTION to forgive does, and I commend you for that intention. But the follow-through (getting the hurt out of your mind & heart, etc.) takes time.

I don't know about the separation, simply because I don't know anything about that. However, becoming more independent of your husband may shock him back into the marriage. He takes you for granted, so it would be a huge surprise to him if he thought you didn't need him. If you want him back, that might work. Even if he doesn't come back, you have put yourself in a position to help both your children & yourself.

You have my prayers. That always "sounds" weak, but as Christians we know that prayer is a calling in of the "big gun". Find some God-based counseling. And if he won't go with you, go alone. You need the help.

Dear Sisters:
I feel compelled to (again) say some things on this matter, and you are not going to like what I say, but if you are sincerely seeking first the kingdom of God, then you will at least read through and try to see the wisdom in what I say. Marriage counselors are good to help you through it if they are christian, but the advice I keep seeing is not exactly what it should be, but is geared to give the injured party the "feeling of goodness" that he seeks.

Forgiveness can mean one of two things, or both. Either you forgive and accept as is, which is hard to do but can be done. Or you forgive as you are forgiven, and rebuke as necessary (which may mean to follow the advice given by Leah and WordWoman) to bring them back to the word of God.

First - what God's word says.... one man, one woman.

And man, in the hardness of his heart and through his lust of the body, made it to be what he wanted it to be; and God in His longsuffering, allowed divorce. Then man went further and further into his lasciviousness, until we have come to the manner of life that we accept here in America... right or wrong, that is what we want! Oh, shame!

So, you say, you don't know what it is like to be wanted, desired, to desire, to be hurt and tempted. Well, I say to you, oh yes, but I do (and so does Christ!). And to give in to it brings shame, dissappointment, struggles that you cannot count if it comes to fruition of your own desires. To fight it and come back to what God has ordained can bring great joy in your life, if you overcome. If you overcome, you will receive a crown of life (Rev. 2:10).

If you get the divorce, which may be better than living with him if he will not give up his extra-marital practices, then to remain so the rest of your life, and give your love and service to the Lord God of Hosts, for He made you, and He will guard you against all evil.

But if you re-marry (and that choice is a deliberation), and then realize your mistakes, repent and remain where you are (for two wrongs do not make a right!) and give it over to God to take care of it. For God will be gracious to whomever He will, and He will be merciful to whomever He will. (Heb. 8:12; and I can't find the direct reference right now). Christ's blood continually cleanses us, but it is not a license to do as we please.

My prayers will be with you that you can overcome and serve God as He should be served. We are not OF this world, but we do have to live in it until we can go into His Presence. And we will! if we overcome.

Please email me. My name is Lynne, too. I'd like to know more about your situation.
Do you know me? Some of the things you mention seem similar to things that have happened in my own life.
My husbands name is not Michael, but I dated a Michale prior to marrying my husband.;
Thank You,
P.S. for those of you who wonder about this. I was at Glorietta with my daughter on Friday night-Sunday.