Had a potential family phone "very interested" several days ago. Woman was quite dramatic which I attributed to having just lost their 12 year old Labrador. She kept explaining that he "had no faults" and was "perfect". Other than going on and on and on about past dog, it was a nice interview. She gave vet as reference, etc; then told me she and her husband needed to discuss the price and she'd "phone before noon tomorrow, either way."

I never heard back. Today she e-mailed wanting a picture (I had explained pups are newborn and choices are made after my choice at 7 weeks.) I just feel funny about her, I understand when someone is grieving the loss of a past dog and it's great that they were loved, but going on and on for 15 minutes repeating dog "didn't have one fault". And then not getting back with me like promised has me worried my pup may not meet their expectations and that they may not keep promises in my contract. Am I being too picky or should I send her on her way?

Yes, it isn't fair for the puppy. I would probably recommend them to wait a little longer to give them time to mourn and to heal from the loss of their pet.

I know from past experience that sometimes owners who recently lost a senior dog in their old age sometimes forget the "trials and tribulations" of puppyhood and all they remember of their senior dog is what a wonderful dog it was, and they admit do it after having their new puppy awhile! But the good ones buckle down to the job and do fine. So maybe if you have continuing correspondence, you can remind her all that puppyhood entails.

Maybe something came up that she did not call back as promptly as promised. Might have been calling and talking to other breeders, then got back to you because she felt you were the one whose breeding program she felt most comfortable with.

I would just point her to a litter pic on your website and be very clear and specific about your screening process, then see how you feel after a bit more conversation by phone or email.

Oh, yes.... have been on the phone sometimes an hour or more listening when someone has recently lost a dog, sometimes when I don't even have a litter I'm screening homes for. If I have the time I'm happy to be a listening and sympathetic ear or offer advice in their puppy search, but a lot of times I've had to be truthful and say I must run now to go take care of my own dogs or horses... thank goodness for cordless phones though because usually I can go about doing things while on the phone listening!

As for the grieving period and the emotional state the woman may be in, I would consider how old your litter is and when they will be old enough to go to new homes. One time I had a black pet girl not spoken for, but was old enough she could leave (mine don't leave me before 8 weeks and a couple days, I never worry if they are here longer than 8 weeks, in fact I don't even announce a breeding before litter is whelped and in fact don't start screening homes until they are at least 2 weeks old and no in person visits before 6 weeks old). I had a woman interested in her and made arrangements for her to come for an in-person visit after making it clear that this was just a visit for us to meet and for her to meet the puppy. The woman traveled 2 hours with a girl friend, having the friend drive because she was exhausted. She had just lost her previous Labrador a week or so prior and was devastated, hadn't been eating or sleeping, etc. I felt she could offer a good home, and she soooo wanted to take the puppy home with her right then. I explained all the reasons why I wouldn't allow it (wanted her to get ready for puppy, wanted her to line up a wellness check up, also used the excuse I had to get her puppy packet ready and paperwork together even though I had everything ready), told her she could come back for the puppy later in the week. She half jokingly made a comment about me not "bending", so I told her "Listen, you are in no shape to take care of a puppy... go home, get rested up and get ready for puppy." So she came back about a week later, she was in a completely different state, so refreshed looking, excited and happy... and told me she wanted me to know I had made the right decision about not letting puppy go home when she was first here to meet her, that she was in no shape to take care of the puppy. I think the promise of the puppy gave her something to look forward to and helped her through a few very difficult days. I still hear from her at least once yearly and it's been about 8 years.

Beautiful post, Val. Very wise and compassionate. Kate

Go with your gut. If something does not feel right about her, say goodbye. You will be kicking yourself in the butt later if you ignore your intuition. I NEVER ignore mine anymore. If I get that little "uneasiness", I send them (nicely as possible) on their way.

Listen to your inner voice. If you are not comfortable, do not sell to this woman. There are many wonderful families out there and you do not have to settle.

The easiest way out for you may be to ignore her email. That may not work, but it is worth a try.

Lovely post Val. You are obviously the compassionate kind of breeder that good puppy owners would love to buy from.

It seems odd that the buyer was so adamant about calling back on a certain schedule, but did it really matter? We're not all perfect, and sometimes life really does get in the way. Perhaps her husband wasn't in the mood to discuss getting a new puppy (been there!)

When we lost our old Lab, she really DID seem perfect in every way, and that can be scary because "new pup" cannot compare with perfection but, hopefully, with a little time and lots of love, "new pup" will be just as adored as "old Lab with no faults".

My suggestion is to get to know this buyer a little better before making a decision.

Maybe she was researching the going price for a new pup and it took a bit longer to determine the going rate. It had been quite a while since she bought one so she wanted to check things out.

I always go with my gut. If something feels wrong, I move the family along gently. If they're meant to have a puppy, another breeder will work with them eventually.

I prefer waiting until the potential buyer has gone through enough grieving time before I let them have a puppy. Each person needs a different amount of time but I won't place a pup very soon after a loss.

Jmo.

As someone who does a fair bit of rescue work along with having the Labs, here's a recent story that may help.

I just placed the last of 2 puppies from a stray momma. The little boy went to a young family in the area and I am thrilled with that placement. But the inquiries for the little girl were just not good. Impulse calls, families where people weren't going to be home during the day, Christmas present calls etc...

Then we got a call from a couple with grown children who had just lost a beloved 12 year old dog to cancer. My initial reaction was to gently talk them out of it. But the home that this puppy would have made me think about it some more. They were experienced dog people, the whole family(siblings, parents etc) were all dog people, they lived right on the water in Charleston and when they drove 3 hours for their initial meeting with the puppy, they fell in love with her, and she with them.

We all spoke very openly about the possibility that this puppy was just temporarily going to fill a painful hole in the family's heart. So we agreed that I would hold the puppy for a month and they would come get her if they still wanted a puppy.

I sent pictures periodically, got the puppy on our big dog schedule, using a crate etc. We practiced a bit on the leash, she was comfortable in the car and she was learning to come when called and to not jump up, bite etc.

Well, they did pick her up, had her at their home for a couple of weeks before the family went 7 hours to visit for Christmas. She was good in the car on the trip, got there and the whole family adored her, woke up Christmas morning to piles of gifts from everyone, had a great week meeting her extended family and now is back home enjoying her new life!!

So my point is that even though this family of yours is grieving, as we all do, most people have room in their hearts for another. And maybe if you keep the lines of communication open with this family, they too will be a wonderful home for one of your puppies.

Good luck!!

What a lovely story of kindness and patience. You made my day. Kate

Thanks for sharing "rescue Mom". Wonderful placement for all involved!

JMO, there's just no painting these situations of placing a puppy with someone having just lost their dog with broad sweeping strokes. I have found though that several of the prospective homes having lost an elderly pet have revolved their last few years around taking care of the ailing elderly pet, generally find those are the ones who have given themselves more time before entering into their search for a new puppy. I dunno, I kinda think they might take an "emotional" break and maybe needed more time for soul searching before making the decision whether they were ready and able to put their heart back out there.

I know when I lost my two personal horses, one I had from 4 years old until 37 years old, and her son from a foal until 31 years old (combined with losing them within 2 years of each other) I could not entertain the idea of getting another horse for at least a year. Part of it was emotional, part was I wanted to see what life would be like not having to be tied to the strict schedule involved taking care of horses which I'd been doing for near 40 years! LOL Came to the conclusion I couldn't live without my own horse.

I guess my point is, sometimes might consider the person inquiring has some intelligence and emotional stability to determine when they are ready to start thinking about adding the new puppy to their family. Breeders (or rescues) having screened homes for years, knowing what's worked out and what hasn't, probably know the right questions to ask to hopefully get to the point of making a good call on the placement and take each case on an individual basis.

I agree, those that grieve over their lost pets turn out to be the most loving and caring homes.

Her first dog meant so much to her and I bet she thought by sharing how wonderful and perfect her lab had been was the best way to show you how much she would care and love your puppy.

Dont overlook those that care deeply.

I agree. I have had many folks talk to me at length about their dogs they have lost. In this busy world there aren't many people who you can tell about the love you have lost when that love is an animal. Should you lose a human family member through death everyone is sympathetic and understands. When the avaerage person loses a pet sometimes they might not have a bunch of dog loving friends like we all do :) I just keep listening and I can learn all I want from them about their lifestyle and personality.