I was just wondering who looks after people's refusers at home ?

My mum has looked after my daughter a couple of days this week and me a couple and my wife has worked at home for one day. But I don't want to cary on like that.

Daz

We are fortunate that my parents are retired so we took our son to them, I'm a nurse and I work shifts so I could try and work round him, my daughter is almost 18 and is at home a lot, she has been very good.

I just want to say thank you again to everyone on this site, it has made such a difference, the first thing I do when I get home at night is check for updates, It is like meeting up with old friends.

I was wondering if any of our kids would like to chat to each other, what are your views?

Take care and have a great weekend
Dorothyx

Hi Daz,

My parents live nearby and I couldn't have done it without them.

I only work mornings so as she's got older and been in Year 10/11, I've left her at home for the morning.

It's a tough one.

Sue x

Hi Daz.

My daughter, like sue's, is that bit older being in year 11 - going down to year 10 after june half term (her choice) so I leave her at home. We live too far from the school for her to walk - she changed schools in year 9 - again, her choice, which in actual fact was a good move from the support side of things. I leave her train fare but somedays getting a train is too much for her to deal with but she knows she can ring her grandad and he will take her to school, bless him, he's 75! I still think it is a good thing tho' if she doesnt rely on him all the time as it gives her that bit of independance if she chooses.
I work school hours so that's not too bad and my husband is quite often working locally too, so sometimes he can pop back home.

Dorothy, thats a lovely suggestion but I'm afraid at the moment my daughter would see that an admission of having a problem. she is a school refuser, but is also in denial. Maybe that is something she may want to do when she is a bit more stable. I too look on here everyday, its my sanity boost, so thankyou everyone.
Here's to a sucessful week for all.
Penny x

Hi Daz,

How old is your daughter? Do you have any family or friends nearby that you could drop your daughter off, if only for a few hours. Maybe a neighbours could call in occasionly during the day?
You don't need the added stress of childcare problems, as it will make you even more angry and frustrated with your daughter, which will upset her more ...... she feels bad enough already.


Dorothy,
I agree with Penny, its a lovely idea but my daughter wouldn't do it. She never talks to anyone about it (other than a counsellor), she talks about school as if she goes like everyone else.
I've just spoken to her and she said .... "what would I say to others? Its sucks being me"
I guess that sums it up really, which explains why they need us so much.

Thank goodness for this site, I'm on here constanly and you all help me so much....... thank you Simon for starting the site ..its saved my life.

Sue x

My daughter is 14 and my wife can work from home one day a week and my mum can look after her 3 days a week and I only work school hours so if she is on her own it won't be for long.

Obviously I hoping to get her back to school tomorrow but I supposet he longer you have off the harder it is to go back. We shall see.

Hi Daz,

Good luck with tomorrow - I'm sure your daughter's fear about tomorrow is rising as we speak.
Try not to be too hard on her ...... her fear is real.

Take care.

Sue x

Hi Dorothy

My son is year 9 ( well should be ) and I am sure he would be interested in chatting to other refusers. He understands his problem but still can't explain why he can't go to school. He has spent many hours on the web looking for answers and asked me to look into hypnotherapy for him. We are now about 6 weeks down the line with it and he feels it is helping him.

Regards

Sarah T x

Hi Sarah T,

My daughter and I are on our own so we haven't experienced siblings trying to avoid school as well, it must be very difficult to deal with.

I found a site a few months ago, run by teenager for teenagers who are school refusers, its called Scared-of-School, it looks good and seems to be a place where they can exchange expriences and let off steam,just like we do on here! Have a look and see what you think, it might be just what he's looking for.

My daughter hasn't even looked at it, she's still in denial but thats fine by me.

Hope it helps.

Sue x

Hi Sue

Many thanks for that, I'll let my son know, and depending what mood he's in I'm sure he'll have a look. I'm a single working Mum, and have a younger son in year 6 (who is very different from my SR who's anxieties just rule his life) but he can be testing and if he tries to get his own way over something will threaten not to go to school - as he knows how upsetting it is for us. I suppose boys will be boys - so far he hasn't carried out his threats but I can see it coming.

Once again thank you all for letting me "join the club"

Sarah T xx

Hi Sarah T

That would be good to get our kids chatting, hopefully my son will leave a message tomorrow. We tried hypnosis and it did seem to help at the time, good luck with it.

Take care
Dorothy x

Morning Dorothy

I spoke to my son last night about chattting with your son and he said that he thought it might help - he wants to know if he goes on x box live ? This is my sons social life the majority of the time especially when he went through a stage of not leaving the house at all.

Let me know and I'll e-mail you his tag so they can communicate. If he doesn't use x box then e-mail is fine.

Hope you all have a good day.

Sarah Txx

Simon

Is there anything I can do to help you as you said you have not had a good week ? Before I joined the forum you helped me a great deal by encouraging to join the site. If so please let me know.

I have a bit of good news - my son has actually just gone into town with me to buy new trainers - first time in years and he feels very proud of himself. He has been invited to a friends tomorrow for a bbq for a birthday - not sure if he will go but i hope so for his sake.

Regards

Sarah T x

Absolutely - and remember when you have a bad week just think how many people you have helped with this site - you are a saint !!

Sarah T

Chin up Simon,

Tomorrow is another day ....... hang in there ...... enjoy your Bank Holiday, who knows what next week will bring.

Take care.

Sue x

hI sarah T,

Every time someone joins this site its one less person feeling that they are coping alone. So welcome aboard!

We have managed 2 whole day and one half day this week which although is not as good as it was for a few weeks it certainly beats the one day for the whole of October and November!

Wishing you all a great bank holiday weekend,
Penny x

Hi Sarah T

my son doesn't have an x box, its a PS3 he has, it will be good to get them chatting.

Thanks
Dorothy x

Hey Penny,

Well done the two of you!

You know what they say, Little steps .....

Good to see you are being positive!

Enjoy your weekend everyone.

Sue x

Hi Dorothy

My son has a PS3 as well, but doesn't go on line with it - so he is going to try and sort it this weekend so they can communicate, he was quite excited about it as he feels he will have a new friend.

Many thanks for the suggestion - it all helps and I'll keep in touch with the progress in setting it up.

Kind regards

Sarah T