As you may have previously read we have a CAF meeting on Tuesday - hopefully the last meeting in a long line of them.

I am sitting here going through my many files of letters, e mails reports assessments etc from the past 3 years, there is ssssssssssssoooooooo much !!

I want to apologise to my son for the times in the early stages of his SR when i doubted him, but i didn't know what to do. To apologise for the times i was weak in fighting his corner. The times i tried to force him into school when clearly you just couldn't do it, the times i took his x box and laptop off him for not going and often shouting at him for being naughty - how i wish i could turn the clock back and understand from the beginning how you were feeling and support you from the minute your anxieties started - the early days were a nightmare for us all, and at times at the start i did doubt you as i thought the school knew best. I now know that they don't know what to do for the best, they really don't know what to do with you but i do. Moving forward the best place for you is home tuition with a view of moving to the tuition centre, in order that you can succeed in your GCES's and regain some coinfidence that has been taken away from you. You are a wonderful young man and i am so proud of you. I will never again be ashamed to say my son doesn't go to school.

Well i think this post is for me to get rid of alot of guilt i am harbouring over the way i wrongly handled the situation in the past,and to let my son know he is still after everything that has happened the most fab son i could wish for.

I will be strong and fight for what is right for you on Tuesday, and this time i will not let you down.

Love you.

Mum xx

Sarah

What a moving letter, it could come from the heart of all of us, there's only one bit that you got wrong...............you have never let your son down, if only we could all look back, but the experience has made your boy into the wonderful young man he is today, and I know everyone would agree with me in saying that he didn't get there alone, if it wasn't for the love, support, guidance and faith from you he might not have made it. We all need to fail or make mistakes or whatever you like to call it to learn, and learn we have done, its only now looking back that you see how far you have come, you would never have been able to imagine that you could get here. I know your son would say that you have never let him down or failed him in any way and you have become a much stronger person because of it. You have also, through your experience, helped so many people and I for one am proud to have you as a friend. Thank you.

Take care
Dorothy x

Sarah - I agree with Dorothy, that is a moving letter. It has also helped me reflect on how far my son and I have travelled. I have assumed my son knows how I now feel about those early days of yelling at him etc - but your letter to your son has prompted me to talk about this with him. You mention the word ' ashamed' as in 'you will no longer be ashamed to say your son doesn't go to school.' I think this says something for all of us - and yet is the pressure put on us by society to do the right thing that makes us feel this. We could never have quite realised how much pressure is out there to conform until faced with SR or something similar.

In my own heart I always strongly believed that so much of our education did not just come from school (my father also had this philosophy) but when my son refused to go, I found myself back in traditional mode of 'school is everything'. I abandoned my philosophy and only more recently (with some reminders from others on here but especially Sue) that this philosophy is in fact one I need to now embrace.
Good luck to you and your son and where you are now - it is a very different place than where you were three years ago. Your son has a very caring and loving mum.
best wishes,
Linda

Sarah, what a lovely moving letter.
I know exactlty the guilt you have felt as I too have done what you have. My son is now being home educated ( for the last 2 months) and he is coming back to life. It was a hard decision to make but we needed to do something. He works hard every day, is catching up well and most importantly he is so much happier. He is eating properly, looking after himself better, taking part in family life again and is starting to socialise with friends again etc.. It is hard to admit that your child does not attend school, people judge, but guess what...let them. It has taken me a while to get where I am and some days I still doubt what I am doing but seeing my son hold his head up and go out of the front door without a hood up covering his face is worth all the hardwork and worry. Good luck and remember you are a fab mum XXX

Sarah,

Your are amazing and so is your son!

Good luck for Tuesday.

Hugs.

Sue and M. xx

Well the day has arrived, and i can't count just how many times i gone over and over again what to say.

Although i am confident that i have everything i need i must admit feel a little anxious.

My son is coming with me- well done matey so will post later the outcome.

Thank you for all your support, you are stars.

Sarah xxxx

cried when I read this. I mean really cried!!! We have all felt like this.

Bonnie - im so sorry if i upset you, it was never my intention to hurt anyone - hope you are ok.

Well, home from the meeting and what a meeting. To say they took the wind out of my sails is an understatement everyone was wonderful. The tuition centre manager is a star and supported my son fully. School director attended with the attendance manager and they were amazing offering my son every support to go back on whatever terms but still keeping his home education going and have said that can continue it for as long as he needs it even if he never goes back.

Parent Partnership were fab fully supporting me - a great help, and my son - Matt well i was so proud of him, he stayed in the whole meeting and expressed himself so well.

All in all a great day, it's been over 3 years in getting there but we have arrived.

Love to all of you that have supported me, and i will continue to support you.

Sarah xxxx

Sarah

So glad the meeting was a success, it makes such a difference to our mental well being, well done to M for going along with you.

We are struggling this week, my son has not been in to education centre, he has been quiet, withdrawn, not eating, all the usual symptons, but he is adament it has nothing to do with school, its taking me all my time to keep it together, the exams are just around the corner...................we are so near

Take care
Dorothy x

Great news!

Something to cheer us up.

Great news Sarah and well done to you both.

Dorothy - sorry you are feeling it is all a struggle at the moment. Perhaps your son is just afraid of the pressure on him regarding the exams. His must be double because he doesn't want to let anyone down. This could zap him of his motivation and make him just want to close down and shut everything out. Sorry I have no great suggestions on how to help. Has he had any CB help with this?
Thinking of you -
Linda

I am so pleased for you, what a great outcome and also a great acheivement by your son.
What this does hi-light is that our situation is just another example of a 'post code lottery', Our local parent partnership would not offer support at any meetings as it was a service they could not offer, also the school were non supportive and would not even consider home working/education.

Dorothy i am so sorry for you both but hang in there, and Sue yes it is a postcode lottery it's so unfair.

Well after my short lived celebration it has all come crashing down around me. I am at my wits end as son number 2 refused to go to school this morning saying he has problems at school - can you imagine how i felt ringing school saying he wouldn't go ? i don't think i can go through all this again i don't know what to think - this is just a nightmare. I am waiting for the school to call me back this needs to be sorted now.

I am so cross with him i can't tell you, he knows how awful if was with his brother or does he have a problem ?

im gutted.

Sar

Hang in there Sarah, it may all come to nothing.

Call if you need a 'shoulder'.

Hugs

Sue and M. xx

Hi Sue H,

Your message really made me smile .... its so good to hear your son is moving on.

I love it when all our hard work comes together.

Well done to you both.

Sue and M. x

Hi Sue - ooooooh think i may have sorted it - went into school unannounced at lunch with little man and they saw me. i said he had refused and there were one or two issues which they have promised to sort today, so i said i will be back 8.30am tomorrow to make sure. i also said that i could have easily called in sick for him, but expalined i wanted to be honest in casr i needed their support. Bet i'm not on their christmas card list lol

Feeling a bit better now, just think my little man wanted a bit of the attnetion his brother was getting.

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah,

I am sure siblings find it hard and if you didn't have your eldest with SR then you'd be taking this more as a hiccup in a normal run of things. No-one seems to have two in the family - so it is probably going to be ok. He has a few things happening around him at the moment.

Hows it going Dorothy? Hang in there.
Linda

No apology for me having a crying spell..I, as well as most have cried out of fear, cried out of frustration and now I cry for the better.

I am so happy for you and finding your path. Keep up the good work!

well i got it wrong again - son no 2 was very poorly last night so i should have listened instead of jumping to conclusions, but on a positive he has gone in this morning on the understanding he can come home if he is sick again !! with regrards to siblings it must affect them seeing another child at home. At CAMHS there is a family that go that have 5 refusers in one family - ooooooooooooohhhh now i think i would have to be sectioned if that were me !!

Sar xx

Wow - 5 refusers - now that would have me locked up too! On here we all seem to have one. Seems to be eldest or only children that are more likely on here.
Linda

Sarah

So glad things are better today, its so hard not to think the worst with everything you have gone through, my daughter, who is older, used to say to me 'why should I go to school, he doesn't go and that is ok' its so hard.

We were at meeting with CAHMS today, first time my son has been back in 2 years, it was awful, he was so upset when we came out, said whats the point as his life is F....d up anyway, I was obviously upset as well, he hasn't been as distraught as that in a long time, psycologist said as he is almost 16 then it has to be his decision where he goes from here, I have asked for him to have more CBT, when I spoke to him later he said it brought back to many bad memories for him. Another lesson learned, to listen to him more and take his point of view instead of thinking that I know best, we have another appointment in 3 weeks but I have told him to really think about it and decide if he wants to go back and then I have to respect his wishes whatever he decides.................

Take care
Dorothy x