I'm guessing those who share the same UK holidays as us have also been enjoying the half term break?

It was 9 days of bliss, not having to worry about my daughter's fear and anxiety about school or the pressure from school and education authorities for me to have her there.

She had a good time socialising with close friends, a sleepover away from home and with a lot of encouragement even went to her childhood friend's teenage birthday party. I let her rest as much as she needed and she was eating better than usual too, I did not mention school or her anxiety - we all just needed a break from it all and I did manage to switch off for the most part.

I started to notice her relapsing around Friday, her sleeping pattern reversed and she became more withdrawn. Over the weekend, she had left a notebook lying near the computer open at a doodle, I turned the page and she had written 'I don't think it's healthy for a girl my age to be this sad'. The next page was more worrying, she had written it at 4am and talked of her unhappiness and thoughts of ending her life. She also said that although she wished she could do it she knew she couldn't be so selfish to hurt those who love her and pass the pain she felt onto them. I'm guessing that by her leaving the notebook open in a place I use often, she wanted me to see it and look inside.

We drove to school this morning in silence and I took her into reception where a teacher met her - she is expected to join her lessons today and join the curriculum of the new half term. She takes a big step and they expect a mile. I left her pale and shaken in the reception area.

I just wish there was one professional working with my daughter who really got it and she could connect with. In her world I am the only person she has who really tries to understand how it feels to be in her shoes.

I'm going to ring the child psyche at CAMHS today to discuss d's suicidal thoughts, I don't think she would act on them but to know my child is this unhappy (concerning school life) is very worrying. I cannot understand why so far they will not consider medication to help her manage her anxiety and reactive depression.

Hi - I am so sorry and really don't know what to say except that i do think your daughter wanted you to see the book a little cry for help and my heart goes out to both of you it really does. Your daughter is so brave going into school today and it must have been so hard for you too so well done.

Is there such a thing as a professional that really understands ?? I have only ever met one who stood out from the crowd and knew exactly what my son was going through and he was an educational psycologist and he was excellent we used to see him privately so he was out of the network for our local support.

Why don't people understand ? our children go through so much with little understanding, they are all remarkable kids !!

Sending you hugs and again im so sorry i can't help but my thoughts and prayers are with you both xx

Hi Clarity (hi Sarah),

I am sorry to hear about how sad your daughter is feeling - I think my son could really relate to this (thanks for your reply to my post). And ye s - she must have wanted you to read it. But that is so hard for you too - to know she feels this way - but how do you get the support.
I think a lot of the problem is that they are still treating our children as if they are 'naughty'. That is why they want them to take big leaps instead of small steps. If they were dealing with an adult with agrophobia, for instance, they would only expect small steps, no matter how frustrating. But when they are dealing with kids they either think they are 'putting it on' or are capable of springing forward at a much faster pace. And so they might - if only they were understood as being genuine in their pain. Unfortunately some of their reactions in frustration, some of the avoidance behaviour and some of the lack of motivation, could - to the untrained eye - look like a stubborn, misbehaving child or teenager. So why....are the 'trained eye' ones not always seeing what is before them? The schools are not trained - so we know they mostly have no idea. We have to guide them - which is hard, isn't t - as we are so worn out!

My son managed to get to school last week except for only a couple of hours on Friday - but that was fine by me :)
But he was frustrated and angry all week - exploding over the smallest of things and then saying he didn't know why he had exploded but then later explaining how down he felt and how much effort everything was and how no one understood how bad he feels at school, and how he gets made fun of every day (I think this is a vicious circle...he is feeling so bad, he stands hunched over, he looks vulnerable, so they stir him up....and the stirring starts to become teasing and then the teasing is hurtful). But in many ways I think some of these kids are just trying to make him be part of them and stop withdrawing. Kids are cruel, but they also work in a 'group' mentality - so anyone who looks like withdrawing from that is probably teased in order to bring them back. Doesn't work of course if you are feeling bad about everything!! It just makes it so much worse.
But I was so glad to convince my ex to give my son a day off yesterday (Monday) as today we have the public holiday for the Melbourne Cup. So it will be a short week. : )

I hope you get some good feedback from CAMHS regarding the suicide thoughts, Clarity. My son has had them too and I have taken them seriously and have always been told to take them seriously. When he was very depressed at age 9 this is when he first started staying that there was no point to life and he did not want to go on living. You are obviously keeping an eye on your daughter's moods. Do you think you can bring it up with her in a round about way in terms of how bad she feels - and the ask outright if she has thought of taking her life? I was originally terrified of mentioning it in case I actually made it look like I was suggesting it as an idea that he'd then grab hold of. But since then - we have sometimes talked about life and suicide and I have also pointed out the sadness surrounding those who do suicide and how help was there but it just takes time. Programs on TV - such as one girl who was self harming and had a friend who had suicided - my son actually came and watched that and we discussed this at the end and I felt my son understood that the self harm in itself was very irrational and that the suicide was not the answer. We have also spoken about famous people who suicide such as Amy Winehouse and how their lives were a total mess in comparison to his etc. It sounds like we often talk about it - we don't but I always let him talk if it looks like he might want to and I do occasionally direct his attention to others who have taken this road and how it effects those left behind. Don't know if this helps, Clarity - you are probably at the stage I was where you feel afraid to mention it - so getting advice is the best you can do.
I hope things progress ok for you this week (how many terms do you have in a year in the UK?)....you must have longer terms in order to have a break - we have four 10 week terms - with three two week breaks at Easter, July and September. There are only 6 weeks left till the long summer break for us. And I am planning on letting my son stay home during the last week if he wants to as they don't do much and he hates the unpredictable nature of the activities they do. We probably all know our school year like the back of our hand, right down to the last day and hour.....because it all counts for us and the closer we get to holidays - the quicker we can count down : )

Take care and thinking of you (and how are things with you, Sarah?).
Linda xx
PS Sorry for such a long post...I haven't apologised for awhile as many new people on here are also long posters....: )

Hi Linda, Clarity, Sarah

Clarity - My heart goes out to you - there are no words that can make you feel better only the fact that we all know what you are going through to a certain extent and we all agree you are doing a great job as a caring, understanding and supportive parent - what we all aim to be! It is so distressing to know that your child is so unhappy and you just wish you could take that burden yourself. People who haven't had a child with anxiety/depression issues cannot begin to understand the pain that you feel as a parent but remember you are not alone. Well done to your daughter for making it into school yesterday despite her obvious distress - and well done to you too. Like Linda, I have had my son sobbing in my arms telling me that life isn't worth living and that he cannot carry on. All we can do is keep talking and supporting I guess.

I agree with Linda about the vicious circle of emotions and school. My son was dealing with much the same issues, he would isolate himself because of his unhappiness and low self esteem and this would make him a prime target for name calling. It didn't get as far as "bullying" but my son was called "gay" almost every day at school. Most of the time he wouldn't tell me but I knew how much pain it caused him and this just made his anxiety even worse. I have seen quite an improvement in his mood since he has been at home and taking his meds. He even managed to get a haircut last week - the first time he had been out in public for two months! I know it was a small step but I was so proud of him.

We also have to deal with our mix of emotions. I don't know about others but I feel guilty a lot of the time that I am allowing my son to stay at home even though I know he is unable to attend school at the moment. I think the pressure of guilt comes from what others think though. If it was just my son and I in the equation I would feel more relaxed about it but I have pressure from school, doctors, and even my husband to get him back to school! We have a meeting at school tomorrow so that we can work out a plan of action for home tutoring. Fingers crossed!

It is immensely stressful for parents like ourselves and sometimes it feels impossible. Thank goodness for this site where at least you know you aren't alone with your emotions and you can vent them!!

Thanks everyone - take care xxx

Hi Clarity, kathy and Sarah

Clarotu. did you get some helpful advice from CAMHS regarding the suicidal thoughts. Like Kathy says - our hearts go out to you - it must be awful to see your daughter feeling so low. There have been others on here with daughters (in particular) in similar positions and they have managed to move through that period. Your daughter will find her way forward and she has you as a lovely supportive mum there to guide her. Has she managed to get back to school? Are the expectations a bit too high at the moment or do you think she can break down those barriers?

Our horse race is over in Melbourne - Green Moon - an Irish horse won. So life goes back to 'normal'.
My son went off ok as his dad came and took him (which he does three times a week). I was so glad as I think I would have struggled this morning - just the going back after time off - him looking and feeling so tired from not being able to get to sleep last night. He told me last night he didn't want to go.

The psychologist, however, has made a reward plan (I am over those - do they ever work?) and if my son goes every day for two weeks (AND does not turn up late to school) then he gets $10 to put on a computer on-line game. Bit rough adding the 'not turn up late'.
Getting my son to go to school every day could help long term but I see many holes in this theory regarding helping him as a person and I am sure you all do too. Anyway - things ok for us at the moment today : )

Good luck for the rest of the week everyone. Let us know how you go Clarity.
Linda

Hi Sarah, Linda and Kathy

Thanks so much for your understanding responses, I know that you know how much they mean. Staying strong and centered when our kids are struggling is so hard sometimes and I have been feeling off balance the last couple of days.

I'm sure my own traumas & fears trigger at times like this, which doesn't help in keeping a clear perspective. I need to be open to the fact that my daughter is expressing pain and frustration by writing it out and trusting that her ideations are not going to become reality. I will check in tomorrow with an update. Thanks so much for your support and experiences, they really help. Clarity.

Take care Clarity - your own health and strength is important.
Sorry for calling you "Clarotu'....my fingers must have slipped off somewhere else on the keyboard!!
Do you ever do meditation? I have been told often that I should do this to remain 'centred' myself - but I find it difficult to do or remain focused enough to carry it through. I am sure it would help my son too - but he refuses to sit down with me and he won't do it on his own.
Linda

I woke up early today and my mind started on overtime so I got up, came to the computer and read through all your responses again. Thank you so much to all of you, It is so reassuring reading your experiences and connecting with mums like me, all wanting the best for our SR children and to help guide them as best we can as well as trying to be their advocates and voices when dealing with educators and professionals.

Linda, we have three terms a year here of around 12 weeks each which is why there is a half term break in Feb, May and Oct. Easter we have two weeks, summer 6 weeks and Christmas two weeks. There are also bank hols and other public holidays and yes I know them all like the back of my hand too

I stayed in Melbourne for a while years back when I was travelling and worked at my friend's dad's cafe in Fitzroy. My friend settled there and still lives in Melbourne, in Ascot Vale now. I keep promising that one day me and the girls will make a visit together, we have friends in Sydney, Adelaide, Brisbane and Perth too. I spent my 21st bday in Cairns - those were the carefree days and I have so many wonderful memories. I remember Melbourne Cup day too, such a buzz in the city.

Can you believe I run a Mindfulness practice group at our home, we used to meet every fortnight but when things got really bad for my daughter I postponed the group. Once we are a bit further out of the woods I intend to restart but I just couldn't handle prepping for the group in my home with all that was going on. I still practice mindfulness/present moment awareness myself though mostly in action, or while walking the dog. It really helps but can be tough accepting the 'exactly what is' of my own mind during term times! During holidays, meditating comes easily . Like your son, my daughter is not interested.

I am blethering! To update on my daughter, this week she went in Monday all day and attended an English lesson which she really enjoyed. Tuesday was a difficult day and she only managed till 1pm in learning support. The supervisor there is clearly frustrated to have to run the learning support longer than usual due to d's current needs but her reactions don't help. Yesterday she did not speak to my d once during her time in there, she also made comments both monday and tues how the EWO (who is on a course for 3 days) would not be happy with her efforts

I'm picking my battles carefully at the moment so as not to feed the opinion of over protective and overbearing mother but when the EWO is back I am going to reinforce the importance of positive reinforcement to d no matter how small her steps appear to be to them.

D like most teens is on fb and other teen social networking sites. There is one called Ask.fm where people can ask you questions anonymously, it is then the person's choice whether to share a question and answer it or not. Some people are being cruel to her on there and I suspect it is the girls who used to bully her at her previous school pretending to be students from her new school . The upside is that it shows them for who they are, other people are really sticking up for d and she herself is leaving witty responses to the 'haters'. I have a close eye on it all and have copy and pasted the lot to a file. D says she knows it is people from her old school but she is happy with all the supportive responses.

I told her I had seen her notes about how sad she is. She reacted as though she was cross with me but I told her that it was lying open at the computer and I couldn't help but notice it. She told me not to worry about her.

The acupressurist told me on the phone that d was going through extreme sadness and grief at the moment but that it was all part of her process and that she will come out the other side of it. I have to keep reminding myself that recovery can be emotionally painful at times but it is a necessary part of healing too.

OK it's time to get both my girls up for school. Fingers crossed it's a good day. Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words of support and for letting me share and vent out my own story and process too. Clarity

Hi Sarah

"Is there such a thing as a professional that really understands ?? I have only ever met one who stood out from the crowd and knew exactly what my son was going through and he was an educational psycologist and he was excellent we used to see him privately so he was out of the network for our local support."

Thanks for sharing your experiences, so similar to our own. At present, the helpful professionals do seem to be very few and far between - I hope with growing awareness that this will change in the future. Sadly my d is sick of trying counsellors and therapists because she is yet to meet one who really 'gets it'. My counsellor is wonderful and she has recommended a very experienced and well qualified youth counsellor at our local Brooke Centre. My d knows she is there and she can pop in when she is ready. I spoke with this lady on the phone and she was lovely, she said I was to tell d to visit at any time and she would make time to speak with her and to let d know that it is just an intro and for her to think of it as if she would be kind of interviewing the counsellor to see if she thinks she can support her or not.

I just hope that soon d will feel like trying again, she so desperately needs support and understanding outside of me.

Hi Kathy

So sorry to hear your son gets regular put downs too. My d is already hypersensitive/vigilent due to what she went through at her previous school and she picks up a lot of q's not only in words said but facial expressions, huffs and sighs etc. This includes the educators and professionals who are supposed to be supporting her, in my opinion it is their persistent blunders and lack of awareness that prevents d from building trust or confidence in them to be able to move forward further.

I hope your meeting goes well today, let us know how you get on. We will have the school counsellor coming for a visit at some stage as I cannot get d out of bed and in there today. I will not give into the pressure they put on me. I want acknowledgement that she is not mentally well enough to attend this school and efforts to integrate her there have failed. I have set up a meeting with our GP and am going to take d's book of 'sad things' along for her to see first hand what state of mind my child is in. With her support I hope to get her assessed for medication and moved to the school I requested in the first place where she has several longterm trusted friends.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences, knowing we are understood without judgement and not alone in our challenges is a huge relief. Clarity.

Linda I meant to say congrats to your son for such a great week last week, just a few hours off on the last day is pretty amazing. I hope he can find a social circle he feels he fits in with and trusts so he is less vulnerable to the taunting. This is what I hope for my d too but she just isn't prepared to take the risk of letting anyone in at present. I hope his progress continues, fingers and toes crossed for you.

Hi Clarity

We have just come back from our meeting with the school and we have told them that S is unlikely to return to school. They are very supportive but I get the impression they think it is almost impossible for my son to achieve the grades he is capable of at GCSE. Maybe I am living in "cloud cuckoo land" but I have such faith in him. If I don't believe in him I feel I will lose the plot totally! They have agreed he should drop 2 subjects and focus on the others as best we can. We've got 6 months now to try and do what we can to get him through!

Obviously his well being is our top priority but we are hopeful that he will get better and that he will need his qualifications to progress to the next stage in his life. At the moment he can't see any future for himself at all and so it is difficult to motivate him to do any schoolwork, but it's something we need to keep working on!

Oh well, tomorrow's another day!

xx

Hi Kathy,

It must be really hard for you to know if you have made the right choice - but seeing your son and how he copes with this change will probably be the answer for you. It might only be small tiny steps but any glimmer of motivation will be the answer. I do hope he can cope with the less amount of subjects and that your faith in him pays off. There are others on here who have passed outside of the school system - so it definitely can be done. So hang in there - and wishing you and your son all the best in the next stage forward.
Linda

Thanks Linda

It's so good to be able to talk to people who really understand! I can talk to my friends, family, etc, and they are all very supportive but none of them really know how it feels.

Thanks for listening everyone xx

Hi Kathy

How are your son's studies going at home? How are you doing in all of this?

I think you are right that his wellbeing is the highest priority, he is more likely to do better with his studies if he feels safe and relaxed as opposed to under pressure and stressed in a classroom environment.

We have another meeting in school tomorrow between EWO, counsellor, myself & d's dad. My daughter will be asked to join the meeting after the adults have had a chance to talk. We popped in to see her dad yesterday and he is going for the tough line of approach which d just does not respond to. The only way I can see his involvement helping is if her stress about him being there backing up school personnel's stance is more stressful than her actually attending lessons.

So I am preparing to go in there tomorrow wearing my jugglers hat once again - showing I am open to being co-operative but also advocating for my daughter. Why is it so hard for people to see that the anxiety our SR children feel is very real whether they consider the stressors irrelevant or not?

Hi Clarity
It seems as though men, some but by no means all, seem to take a different approach to all this than women. My husband is only now coming round to the idea that it's not failure to accept that our son can no longer cope with school. He is still very keen to know what work S has done every day and I get really resentful because although I know it's important for him to do well, I just want him to feel OK. We had a terrible day on Wednesday with my son crying and telling me he didn't see any point in carrying on any more and that he had nothing to live for. I just sat with him for ages and eventually we started to look at music videos on his IPad and he cheered up. It was much the same yesterday. He is so dependent on me I find it physically draining! I had been to work yesterday morning and had just got home, had some lunch and tidied up, when S came into the room crying! I eventually persuaded him to come with me to take our dog for a walk (we have to drive somewhere quiet first!!) and then we sat and played a game on his computer. My husband had been to watch a football match and so by the time he came home I was exhausted. We then ended up having an argument because I feel as though he doesn't show me the understanding/affection I need when I have had to deal with the emotion all day! It just feels as though our lives are on hold at the moment and it's really difficult. Nobody understands unless they have been in the same situation.

I know I am probably too soft and that I let S manipulate me to a certain extent, but I just can't bear to see him so unhappy. I figure if it takes a couple of hours of my time to make him smile again then it's worth it. Although some days it's so hard to carry on.

We are due to see the psychiatrist tomorrow to review his medication. Although the panic attacks seem to have improved, his depression doesn't appear to be getting much better. Maybe he will change the medication again?!

As far as school work is concerned, we do a little each day. We sat on Friday afternoon and read a chapter of History ready for a piece of work he needs to complete. It's difficult for S to concentrate (he feels tired a lot of the time) but I think if we just do a little at a time it's progress. He is very bright and so I think he will be OK when it comes to his exams, and if not it's not the end of the world. We will just have to rethink.

I hope your meeting goes well tomorrow. Let me know how you get on. How has your weekend been?

xx

Hi Kathy,

I know from my experience that men sometimes just don't get it. My hubby at first really struggled with d SR. Everything is black and white to him, if you have to do something you just do it, end of. What brought about a change in him was not only the length of time this has gone on but when he actually witnessed d have a severe anxiety attack (he had always been at work before). It was as if he suddently realised that this wasn't just d being lazy and not wanting to go to school but much deeper and that she has an illness. Now that d is in a much better place however he is struggling as to why she isn't back yet and I have to keep reminding him that we have to take it very slowly and d has to be ready.

As for you being soft Kathy it isn't about any of us being soft it is about showing our child that we are on their side, they need us now like they have never needed us before and I don't care what anyone thinks about me I am there for her no matter what (and believe me I am no soft touch).

Hang in there

Sue

Hi Clarity and Kathy,

Clarity - how did the meeting go? I know how you felt beforehand...but it is such a pity that we have to go through anything like this - we should feel good about having a meeting but it never seems to work that way, does it.
Your ex sounds like mine and I agree with Kathy - I think many men (not all - as there are some who come on the forum who have a different approach) don't like to see their children cave in to what is such an irrational life style. I think the men have their own pain about his and they are floundering and upset and so they do the only way they know for them might get some action and that is to take the hard road. Whilst being firm is essential in many cases - when the anxiety gets to a certain point - it doesn't work - does it.

Kathy - I could feel your emotion as I read the post. It is just so draining for you - and I do relate to that - and how dependent your son is on you. Sometimes I also feel like he is actually draped round my neck.
And yet he is desperate to be independent as well - so there is lots of tension and anger and perhaps resentment. Your son is probably the same, he doesn't want to need you, but he knows when the crunch comes you are the one he turns to. Like my son - he probably feels he cannot talk about his feelings to his dad as his dad tries to brush them away and perhaps 'make a man' of him. His response to my son crying is just 'stop that crying now' attitude.
Whereas instinct tells us to listen - calm - talk - distract - and get things back on an even keel via a totally different method. I think it will always be like this between couples - whether together or apart. And the sad thing is - we are all just trying to see our child move forward - so we have the same goal.

And Kathy - I think we all go through 'are we being too soft sometimes'. It plays on my conscience too. But if we are comparing ourselves to other parents and children - their kids are not going through what ours are so really there is no comparison. This is what makes it so hard! There is no comparison and only we know what our kids are going through and so we feel our way forward in the best way we can - switching from firm to soft. Perhaps consistency with firmness is the best - but I don't think it is going to happen when we watch our children suffering and we know it is for real.

I am waffling on again!! Let us know how the meeting goes Clarity and hang in there, Kathy....is there any way of sitting down with your husband and going through what a common shared approach might look like? keeping in mind that there is always going to probably be a good cop and bad cop in any family situation. Perhaps your husband needs some guidance in what role he can play for you and your son?

Take care -
Linda xx

Hi Sue, Linda, Clarity

Thanks for responding all of you. Yesterday started off well for us but then deteriorated badly! I had persuaded my son to come with me to visit his gran which is about a 10 min drive away (he hasn't been there for about 3 months although she visits him here regularly). He reluctantly agreed, got ready (looked great!) and off we set. We were about half way there when he started to panic and get agitated. He told me that two friends from his old school bus were arranging a trip to the cinema this coming Sunday and he so wanted to go but was afraid he wouldn't be able to go through with it. He really panics on journeys. I tried to reassure him it would be OK and that he must try, if he couldn't do it in the end well at least he had tried. We got to my mums only to discover my brother's car in the drive and so S panicked totally and said he couldn't go in. He can't even socialise with family members! I said it was OK we would come another day and so we took the dog for a walk instead. He was really apologetic and I know he felt guilty but I told him I was proud of him because he made the effort to go and if my brother hadn't been there I know he would have gone in and my mum would have been thrilled. I rang her later and she was thrilled that he had made the effort anyway!

We came home and had tea and settled down for the evening. At about 9 o'clock my son came into the lounge really upset and anxious about his visit to the psychiatrist today, telling me he couldn't go, etc. I explained that we had no choice this time. This lasted for nearly two hours at which point I went to bed and left him knowing he could come and get me if he needed to. I was totally exhausted, yet again!

He didn't come to get me but I am now waiting for him to get out of bed and get ready for his appointment. I am dreading the next couple of hours! He is so worried about talking to anyone and keeps asking me to talk to the psychiatrist on his behalf. I have told him I will help him out as much as possible but we will have to see how the questioning goes. He is also really scared about starting CBT later this month. The panic just goes on and on!! I know we are really lucky that CAMHS have sorted this out for us so quickly and I hope that if he starts this therapy things will improve. It's just convincing him!

Linda - it is so true that although they need their mums so much they also feel guilty about it. I can remember taking S to a Christina Perri concert about 18 months ago, before we realised just how big our son's issues were. We had a good time but I remember him looking around and focusing on a group of kids in front of us. On the drive home he became more and more quiet and the next day he was really down in the dumps. I asked him what was wrong after having enjoyed the concert and he told me that although he had enjoyed it he felt he shouldn't have been there with his mum but should have been with kids his own age. Although it hurt to hear him say it I suppose I already knew that this was bothering him. It's the same when I suggest going shopping (not something he would be able to do at the moment anyway!) he has always said no and I know it's because he is so bothered about being seen with me. He thinks a 15 year old boy shouldn't be out with his mum!! But at home he needs me so much.

Oh well, I will go and see if he is making any effort to get up, wish me luck xx

Hi Kathy,

How did it go?
What a day you had yesterday! Your mum sounds like my mum - a real support and understands the effort that our kids put in.

Your son did try - and I notice you said that he/you took the dog for a walk instead. That in itself is great. I can't get my son to take the dogs for a walk as he is terrified of meeting someone he might know. Although was it you who said you had to drive somewhere quiet first? The last 'outing' I went with my son, however, was pretty frustrating. We got to the town and he refused to get out - begged me to just turn around and drive home. I then drove down some little roads, thinking he'd feel better and I got out to take some photos and he was terrified someone might come along and attack us as it was so quiet! In the end I made him laugh as I started joking about the cows that were at that point coming across the paddocks and staring and how rude they were! But I don't think he ever realised how he was over reacting each time. So it wasn't just teenager peer fear or not wanting to be seen with mum.
But I do understand how your son felt about the concert - but what do you do! At least he went - and he will be glad of that one day.

I feel for you - it is just so tough when they reach that age of wanting independence and needing us and your son is that bit older than mine and so is even more torn between the two.
You must be exhausted - all that irrational going round in circles talk that they just keep dragging into the negative.
You sound like a great support for your son - and he knows you are there for him.
Let us know how the psychiatrist went.
Linda

Hi Linda

Well I got him to the psychiatrist with minimum fuss which was great. He really surprised me. Once we got in there he found it very difficult to speak to her directly so she told him to speak but look at me whilst he was doing it which seemed to help a little. The trouble is he won't really tell them exactly how he feels or what he wants! She was really good although he thought she was patronising!

She told us that the doctor had prescribed the wrong medication and so she wanted him to stop taking that with immediate effect, wait until Friday for it to get out of his system, and then go back to see her so that she could give him a prescription for "Setraline". She asked him if he was OK with this and he just shrugged and said he didn't know. I said that if she thought it was for the best in the long run we would give it a go. So an appointment was made for Friday and we left. Once outside my son became extremely sullen saying his meds were making him feel better and he didn't want to stop them. I think he is really scared of any change! We went straight home and he went up to his room and didn't come out again until we went to bed! I went to see him about half a dozen times but was practically ignored. It felt as though he was blaming me. I know it's scary, it's scary for all of us, I don't know what the next few days are going to bring! I suppose I should be grateful that he stayed in his room and tried to deal with his feelings rather than take them out on all of us. We shall see what this morning brings. He was hoping to be well enough to go to the cinema on Sunday and he did say yesterday that he now wouldn't be able to go! I hope this isn't the case because I thought it would be a huge step forward if he could have gone. Fingers crossed the withdrawal symptoms don't affect him too badly.

Looks like school work will have to be put on hold again for another week!

I don't know about you, but it just takes over your whole life doesn't it? I find it going round and round in my head all day long. I worry about him so much. I have another son who is 19 and totally the opposite, extremely outgoing, lots of friends, great social life, etc, and he thinks S is attention seeking, but we know it's far more complicated than that. I try to be there for both my children and show an interest in anything my other son is doing, but he did say the other night that he is fed up with it and that we talk about nothing else! Bit of an exaggeration but I know what he means!

My son is exactly the same as yours when it comes to seeing anyone he knows, anyone at all for that matter! We have to make sure we drive somewhere where he won't bump into anyone. We are lucky that we only have to drive for about 5 mins and we are in the countryside. Whilst we drive through the village his head stays down the whole time!!

How are you doing? It sounds as though your son makes a huge effort to try and attend school, he is very brave. I know you've only got a few weeks left until the holidays so if he doesn't make it in every day it's not such a bad thing is it? I'm sure he is really looking forward to the break. I don't know about you but sometimes I wish I could speed up time and be looking back on all of this! Let me know how you both are.

Take care xx